I knew two bipolars in the house was going to be a challenge. Knowing this..I should've anticipated what happened last night.
David's bipolar is much more severe than mine. He requires much more medication than I take. I didn't really understand why until last night.
I want to call Lisa so bad..but she's not awake. Sigh.
First of all..this is what David takes on a daily basis Lithium 300 mgs (twice a day), Abilify (30 mgs, once a day) and Wellbutrin 150 mgs (twice a day).
I take Geodon (20 mgs, once a day) and Prozac (20 mgs..once a day). So you kind of see where we both are.
You all know I've pretty much been single for the last 6 years. I don't count Mr. Sweatpants, he of no sex drive (that was a long year). Then..a string of one or two dates where I usually seduced a guy or just had sex with him. There were 4 of them in 6 years. Mostly..because men annoy me.
Last night..David was trying to communicate with me..and I was trying to communicate with him. Neither one of us was hearing the other..and I finally threw up my hands and said "Well, dude..there is nothing I can do for you." What I meant..was that he needed to contact the owner of this website where David wanted to buy some merchandise from..and he needed to quit asking me about it and ask the website owner.
But he abruptly said, "I'm leaving". Now..ordinarily..if someone wanted to leave...I'd let them. But I could tell he was really angry..and I was worried he might wreck our new car in his condition.
This only made the situation worse..where he started acting like a 5 year old and told me he was a) either going to walk to his mothers house or b) beat up on both of our cars. I was just so pissed that he thought it was okay to take out his anger on things we've bought.
So then..I got pissed..and started yelling..and he came in the front door and went out like 3 times threating to walk to his Mom's..and I had hidden the keys so he couldn't drive..and he increasingly got more and more pissed.
Finally..I brought him the keys. He called his mom..who told him..."Make up and get over it already". I was now feeling that the anger had passed..and that's when I let my feelings flow and I started to cry..because confrontation scares me. I didn't feel David was going to hit me..but his anger scared me. I am not used to men at all..so I curled up on our bed and had a good cry..because I was hurt..
He kept asking me to "come here" so he could apologize but I couldn't..because fighting really scares the shit out of me..and I couldn't compose myself.
Finally..I went into the living room..and he hugged me..and said he was really sorry..and really..he was apologetic..but us women know that we just don't get over stuff like that.
When we went to bed..I was exhausted. I could tell he wanted to have makeup sex (which is another new concept to me), but I just couldn't. He finally left me alone and I went to sleep.
I slept fitfully..and woke up at 7:30 this morning..
I am okay today. I know David and I are going to disagree..and we are both stubborn and fiesty..so it ain't always going to be easy..but still..even when I had fights like this with Mr. Sweatpants..it takes me a few days to get over it.
There fighting style is different. Mr. Sweatpants said incredibly hateful and cruel things to me. Now I learn David likes to threaten inanimate objects.
No guy is perfect. I know I'm not perfect either. But I fight fair..and it seems none of the guys I date know how to.
I did threaten to call the cops on David last night. That was when he threatened to "beat up" on our vehicles. He told me "Don't threaten..do it". I do not understand why that didn't calm him down. It certainly has calmed me down in the past.
We're both bipolar...God help us both.
6:31 am - July 29, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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