I feel so much better now. I talked to Lisa and Rene�. Lisa, I called on the phone, because I felt like surely I was losing my mind. Have I ever told you how much I love her? She makes me feel good on even the worst days.
Today, I went to go outside and saw Rene� hobbling in on his crutches. I had a piece of pepperoni pizza on a plate and I was going to go outside, sit at a picnic table, and enjoy the pizza and the beautiful weather. Maybe get myself out of my somber mood�
But I�m feeling wiggy today..and seeing Rene� was a relief to me. We ended up going back to his cube. He shared some issues he�s been having lately.
Then I told him what I�m dealing with, with M. I�m glad I talked to Rene�, because he is so supportive and sweet to me, I�d say 96% of the time. Today was one of those times.
He told me to basically let M. call the shots.
He told me not to stress.
He told me if M is smart like I say he is..he�ll realize what a �jewel� I am. AWWWWW! If not, I should not take it personally, because M., in Rene�s words, is obviously not in a place where he can give to me the way I need and that I shouldn�t hold that against M, since he was honest about it from the beginning.
He told me I�m beautiful and lovely and vivacious and I have much to offer a man..and to not despair..there is someone out there for me. He did mention it would probably not happen when I wanted it to. More like..it would be God�s timing.
I shared my fears with him about dating in general..and I lamented that somehow, I always choose men that are unavailable. Just like I chose Rene�. He was obviously emotionally unavailable when we were dating, and I stayed anyway. He makes a much better friend than boyfriend any day, so thank God we stayed friends.
My conversation with Rene� today was uplifting and reassuring..and it made the memory of the moron he was the day before the parole hearing, fade away.
I can almost forget the fact he made me want to wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze that day. ALMOST!
1:27 pm - May 02, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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