I am feeling better today. It seems that my low mood has something to do with my financial situation. My finances really suck right now. However, things will be getting better soon.
I am starting to accept that I�m bipolar. I think once I am evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist I will really begin to accept it. Having a diagnosis from my medical doctor is a start but I need to know for sure that this is what I have.
I think reading about horror stories has given me a heads up about what could happen, but I think I also scared myself silly. That was not a productive thing. My last entry is an example of what happens when I become obsessed with something.
I think something that family and friends (diaryland included) have helped me to realize that this is something that I can learn to work with. Maybe one day, I might even embrace it. I will never be what people call, quote �normal�, but that is something I will accept in time, I believe.
Certain personality quirks I think are part of being bipolar. I am quirky and silly and a bit immature. I have not really grown up yet. I don�t know if I ever really will. Part of the reason is that I never had a chance to just be a kid. Life got in the way.
This happens and I know it is part of life, but I think the inner child in me feels that life wasn�t fair, so she�s staked her claim. She�s not moving on. So sometimes I make stupid childish mistakes and don�t know why.
I have also been keeping a mood diary for the last 3 days. Monday, I had a very low score. It might have something to do with the fact that I hate Mondays. It could be my financial situation. Yesterday I was normal and today I�m a little elevated. It might be because I only work � day today and I�m off Thanksgiving. Friday is payday, which is always a good day.
Or, when I�ve done it for a month, a pattern of moods might be revealed. It doesn�t help that when I have PMS, I run the gamut of emotions. Maybe my hormone levels are elevated and that time and it puts my body out of wack.
Who knows?
Changing the subject:
Something I realized last week is that every man that has ever done me really wrong in my life has been a Virgo. The dates for Virgo are from August 23, to September 23.
Here are the virgo pigs: There was Rodn*ey (who killed my Mom), my Grandpa (the pervert), Darwin (the physical, emotional and sexual abuser), Nick (my first love and boyfriend of almost 4 years who cheated on me with my best friend) and Uranus( my husband, who cheated on me 5 different times). How�s that for weird???
9:59 am - November 23, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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