Lately I�ve just not felt like updating. Partly it�s because I�ve noticed that every few days I�m losing a reader. 3 months ago I had 60, now I have 51 or 52.
I�m sorry if I�ve become the drag. The person who depresses everybody. I never wanted to be that person. But it seems like a lot of things are happening in my life and since they have a lot to do with the case and my mental health, they are not things that make me happy.
My life is not angst all of the time. But I do have periods when things seem really bleak. Part of it is reality and part of it is being bipolar.
I�m glad some of you stay and put up with it all. Thank you for sticking with me. I don�t say this enough. You guys are always there for me. I HEART you guys!
I�ve been thinking, I�d love to unlock my journal, but too many people know the name of my diary now. I wouldn�t know who�s reading it. But unlocking it would allow new people to read it and become interested. That would be nice.
I thought about unlocking it for a day and seeing what happens. What do you guys think?
In other news, Thanksgiving was great. I got together with my birth mom Joann�s family. My cousin Jackie couldn�t come, and my Uncle Nat and his wife Lori didn�t come. And my cousin Crystal, who my family hasn�t seen since she was a few months old, didn�t come either. Seems like her Dad, Darwin, and his wife Sam convinced her not to come.
That kind of made me mad. She is after all, over 18. Darwin, whose hair I�ve heard has turned completely white, has this invisible grip and effect on all of his �kids�. Though I haven�t been his kid for 16 years, I�m still trying to undo all the brainwashing and damage to my self-esteem that he inflicted.
Plus, as he did with me and my sister Renee, he told Nicole and Crystal terrible things about our family. That they were trash, hillbillies, not good for anything. If that�s all she�s heard all of her life, I guess she might believe it, and it seems she does. But doesn�t it bother her not to know her mother�s family.
Her mom, my Aunt Rachel, would roll over in her grave if she knew that only one of her children would associate with her family. As soon as Nicole turned 18, she was up here associating with us �heathen�. And yet she�s still a good, sane person. What do you know?
I bet Crystal would survive unscathed, too.
What�s sad is that I hardly know Crystal, and we were raised for a time as sisters, since her Dad Darwin had adopted me and Renee when we were kids. I fed her and changed her dirty diapers.
You all know the end of that story. Renee and I got tired of being beat senseless for every little thing and we ran away. Ran away from our �sisters� and that horrible life we had been living for years. I think the one thing that gave me the strength to leave, was knowing instinctively that Darwin wouldn�t treat his own biological kids the way he treated us, his nieces. And in a way, I was right. He never hit them or sexually abused them. But he damaged them in other ways, and sometimes, I�m sorry I wasn�t there to protect them.
We ran away to this family. Our roots. People who aren�t perfect but love each other. That�s all I need, Vern.
There were only 12 of us at Uncle Dan�s, but we all had good food and a good time. It was nice. We missed everybody but had a good time anyway.
Friday I worked and Jackie watched Lisa. I am so grateful to her for doing that. She must really love me to watch Jackie so much during the month of November. I felt really bad because I couldn�t pay her. I hope she knows what a huge deal it is to not have to worry about finding somewhere for Jackie to go when she�s off school. Well, during November anyways.
After work, Lisa and I took the kids and did some Christmas shopping. I am officially 2/3�s done with my shopping. We went to Bath and Body Works, Yankee Candle, and Marshall�s. After we had dinner at Steak and Shake, we went to Target.
I hit the $1000 a day limit on my debit card and didn�t know it until I went to check out at Target and it wouldn�t go through. How embarrassing!!!!
Plus, everyone always looks at you like you�re trying to use a stolen card or something.
I paid for a few items with cash and then went over to the snack bar to steam. That�s when I realized that I had used my debit MasterCard for rent, electric, phone, cell phone and Christmas shopping.
Lisa has this idea that I should go to the ATM in Target to see if I can pull the money out of my account. So I do. And it works. So I run over to the cashier with the cash only to find out it had already been taken back to guest services. I run back there only to find out it had already been taken back out on the floor.
I was mad.
This is my life story.
Otherwise, life is good. I mailed out my Christmas cards this morning. Twenty in all. I still have to make up cards for people I work with. I like to buy something special to put on the outside of the card. Like gourmet lolly pops or candy canes.
One of the things Jackie asked for, for Christmas, was a walkman and some cd�s. I had a little extra money to buy it but didn�t want to wrap them. So Saturday, Jackie and I went to Best Buy and she got a CD walkman. It was $14.00 but you certainly get what you pay for, the highest volume on it is pretty low. But that�s great for a kid if you ask me. Anyway, she also got her first CD. She picked out the Black Eyed Peas, �Monkey Business� CD. Oh, and it was $13.99. It does seem Best Buy dropped their prices.
My baby is growing up!
Tonight, I have to go get Leah�s roller blades. After I get those, I will be done with my sister Renee�s family and I can send their box. I told them they can open it when they get it because Christmas morning, they�ll already have a lot to open.
I got my sister Renee a Caress Body Care set, a pair of Laura Ashley softie socks, and some Bath and Body hand soap. I got her husband Tommy a Phat Farm lounging shirt. I got Logan a
Mega Blocks SS Pooh. It�s a ship. I got Kayla one of those cute tops that has a sweater that ties underneath your boobs. Her sweater is a beautiful red, and it�s fuzzy. There�s a matching tank that goes underneath and it has a little bit of sequins on it. I got her a pair of Squeeze Jeans with a matching black and red belt, and also some makeup.
Now, I just have to get Leah�s roller blades and I�ll be set.
Now, I have to wrap all the stuff.
Sigh.
1:01 pm - November 29, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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