I had a nice relaxing weekend, in spite of my anxiety about today. Friday, I went to Lisa�s and did laundry. Her computer is acting all friggly, so we couldn�t make a dance mix CD like we wanted.
Oh, and poor Doug rolled his ankle and came in hobbling on some guy that was at Dirt Cheap with him. How nice is that to drive a stranger home?
Saturday is was very hot out. I spent a lot of time driving in my car�and I think I was having severe headaches and a mini-heat stroke because it was so hot, 96 degrees!
I didn�t feel like sitting through a movie, which is what me and Lisa planned on doing. So much for �The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants� which I may end up going to see by myself. Lisa and I are supposed to go see the �War of the Worlds� movie, which I still want to see despite Tom Cruise�s bipolar antics as of late. He�s the one with the chemical imbalance!
I took a shower and took some ibuprofen, and my headache was gone. So we went to Woody�s. Now, things are a changin� at Woody�s. First, they did away with Ladies Night because all the hoosier-skanks weren�t tipping! I was kind of glad. I don�t do Ladies Night drinks anyway.
I hear they�re going to remodel, change the name, and try to bring in a higher class of people. I�m very happy about that. With the exception of the cuties we hung out with towards closing time, most of the guys you meet in there are losers who don�t work and never plan to. Yuck! And some of the girls�it�s just sad.
It was boring in there, until about 11. Neither of us had ever seen it so dead!
Lisa had a beer and I had some White Russians. Pretty soon, the cutie sailor Aaron and his friend Rick and another adorable guy with a baby-doll face came to our table. That was when it got interesting. Rick is the second �Rick� I�ve met in two weeks. Both were adorable! What a nice guy! He bought Lisa and me a couple of Purple Hooter shots. That was nice. We chatted for a while. I think I told him too much about me, but it was the liquor talking, I swear!
When I got home it was about 1:15. My upstairs neighbor Doug was outside on his steps. He said, �Whoa, you look beautiful�, so of course we sat outside and talked until 3:30 in the morning. You pay me a compliment and OF COURSE I�m going to talk with you. Recognize my unconventional beauty? You�re a keeper!
It was a lot of fun. He was drinking strawberry margaritas and offered me one. I said �No� but he made me one anyway.
Lisa even got a picture of Doug and me before she left.
Today is D-Day. I had to fax in my documentation that will somehow convince the powers that be that I deserve to keep my job. I am so nervous.
What�s done is done. I leave it all up to God now. I put my life in his hands. He has the control over what happens in my life.
With his help, I will keep this job. I am determined to keep it.
I am also determined that I will not make those crazy mistakes with my finances. I really learned my lesson! And you know what? It felt great to pay off those bills! Whew! I only have a few left, and I�m determined to pay those off too.
You know, sometimes not paying a bill is easier to do. But then you have it hanging over your head. Debt stinks!
I have a plan B, but I don�t want to use it. It involves moving across the state to Kansas! Don�t want to do it. I know the job situation is great there�but I�ll miss my two best friends: Rene� and Lisa and of course, my cousin Jacq.
I was so mad at Uranus Friday. I didn�t write about it, but maybe if you�ll read the following email I sent him you�ll get the idea of what I was talking about:
This is what happened: Jackie called me late at night, crying, and distraught. I had taken medication and I was a little dopey, but I still was very mad at the tone Uranus took when I brought up Jackie�s concerns.
Dear Uranus,
I could not sleep after Jackie�s phone call last night. Maybe it has no effect on you but it breaks my heart when Jackie cries. Last night, she was missing me and she felt like you were not there for her.
While you pretend to know what�s going on with her, I actually KNOW how she thinks and how she feels. Unlike you, I have her 365 days a year. I am an expert on Jackie.
Last night Jackie felt very alone. One, she did not have her doll with her to sleep with. That doll has my perfume on it and that makes Jackie feel close to me. Two, she did not have her sleep pants or her inhaler. I know you said your mom was bringing it, but Jackie was worried she wouldn�t. And Jackie was also worried about what you might do to keep her from wetting the bed. She is already embarrassed enough that she needs those things. I hope you didn�t make her feel worse, but it wouldn�t be the first time you did that.
Not having her medicine makes Jackie feel panicked. Her white inhaler is a rescue inhaler. Jackie takes it for sudden wheezing or shortness of breath. The reddish one, the Flovent, is a longer lasting inhaler. Without the medications it is scary for her.
I can see this is an area where you don�t have the capacity to understand. You did not grow up with asthma. I did. My asthma was worse than Jackie�s and frequently I ended up in the hospital with my symptoms. Unless you can imagine what it�s like for a person to breathe through a coffee straw, then you can�t possibly understand how hard it is for a person to live with the disease.
That�s right. It�s a DISEASE! You can stop with the snipey �hypochondriac� remarks now. Jackie has been diagnosed by a MEDICAL doctor as having asthma. You are not a medical doctor. You can�t possibly think that you can diagnose what she has or doesn�t have.
A doctor has also diagnosed Jackie�s other conditions as well. In fact, she goes for an allergy test recommended by her doctor on July 26th. While I respect Jackie�s diagnosis, you ignore them and do what you please.
Well, that is pretty obvious because she came home from Oregon the last time with acute respiratory distress resulting in pneumonia. Do you know when I took Jackie to the emergency room the day after she came home that her oxygen level was at 81%? You are supposed to be at 100%. After 5 breathing treatments the doctors decided not to ADMIT her and sent me home with antibiotics, an oral steroid and the instructions to give her a breathing treatment every 4 hours. Thanks a lot!
She also had a sinus infection and a urinary tract infection. Your disregard for my warnings about her health resulted in this child being very sick when she came home from your house the last time.
This will not happen this time. This is why I gave your parents a medical power of attorney. By all rights, you as her father can take Jackie to the doctor. But you won�t. I know Jackie�s grandparents have their right mind and I know if she is sick they will take into consideration what I have said about Jackie�s health and they will take her to the doctor.
Also, I�m sick and tired of your sarcasm and your superior attitude. While I was very drowsy from medication I took last night, your nasty attitude was not lost on me. When I told you about Jackie�s concerns about her inhaler and sleep pants, you responded with sarcasm. �Why don�t you ask somebody what�s going on?� was your nasty little reply. Well, Shayne, I would ask, but you suck at communicating with me.
Jackie did not mislead me. What I gleaned from the conversation is that she was to embarrassed to bring it up. I was tired. So sue me.
Jackie was in tears and were you there for her? No. You were playing on the computer. I am always there for Jackie when she is in distress. I guess you forget what it�s like to be away from your primary parent.
However, for the past 2 years, Jackie has had only me. And now she is far far away and homesick. I told her to go ask you for a hug but maybe she feels you won�t have any compassion for her missing me.
Did you ever tell your parents the real story of why I had Jackie come home last time? Of course not. What I have gleaned from conversation with your parents is that you led them to believe I just yanked her out of Oregon with no warning.
Let me refresh your memory: I call to say hi to Jackie and end up talking to you. You go off on a tangent for 15 minutes CRITICIZING every little thing about our daughter. You put label after label on our child! It hurt me to hear that!
I believe the words you used are: spoiled, mean, selfish, hateful and jealous. Obviously you do not know Jackie because no one else in her realm uses those words to describe her!
I was not going to stand for that. Whatever standards you used to come to that conclusion were flawed. You never took into consideration that your child had not seen you for 4 years and she was so much in need of your love and attention. You just forgot that your step-daughter got your attention and love on an every day basis and Jackie didn�t like that! Maybe you have forgotten that Jackie was there before your wife, your stepdaughter or your new baby!
So, I felt Jackie was in a hostile environment and being a loving parent I felt it was time for her to come home. After all, if that�s how her own father felt about her then I didn�t want to think about what her stepmother thought about her. And by the way, I was right.
When Jackie came home she was sick, but also relieved. I don�t know any child that wants to stand in front of a firing squad consisting of her own parent.
I don�t know what happened to your head in that accident, but I think you got a screw loose. You are so busy COMPLAINING about what Jackie isn�t that you are missing out on the very beautiful things that she IS! What�s sad is that the one place she should be able to look for unconditional love, with you, is not there! You don�t love Jackie unconditionally. You love her on your terms, with your limitations.
That is YOUR fault!
You are so going to miss out on her life.
As far as I�m concerned, you have no compassion for our daughter. You don�t even try to understand her. You don�t take into consideration how special and wonderful she is. Her grandparents see it, but you are blind.
So, I�m thinking, yeah, Jackie can come visit her Grandparents every summer if she wants. However, I�m going to leave it up to Jackie if she EVER wants to visit your crabby, snippy, sarcastic, ignorant old ass ever again! I know Jackie loves you but liking you is another story.
I�d like to wait until she�s older. That way she won�t take your abuse! Eventually, Jackie will learn to stand up for herself, even with you.
The way you love Jackie is emotionally neglectful or abusive, because all I know is that it�s not normal. I know a guy who lives 5 minutes away from his kid and calls the kid almost every day. You don�t even call her every couple of weeks. And your child support checks? Wonderful. Put you don�t put a letter in there for her to read. How do you think that makes her feel? Or do you even care? You can�t just be a dad on birthdays or Christmas and when she comes to visit you. It�s a year round thing!
Oh, and by the way, I am past the days of where I�m going to beg you to keep in contact with your child. Being a dad means being a part of her life and being a part of the decisions I make about her well-being and her future. However, all you�ve ever demonstrated is indifference, and that�s going to cost you later.
While I STRIVE to remain neutral about you with Jackie so that she can develop a relationship with you on her own terms YOU�VE done nothing but undermine me and criticize me, sometimes in front of our daughter! That is damaging to a child�s mind!
But you don�t care. Do what make�s Shayne happy and do what make�s Shayne feel good. Not today, or tomorrow but someday you�ll regret that.
I don�t care if you forward this to anyone. Show the world that I�m a protective mama bear! I�m not ashamed. As Jackie�s mother I am also her advocate, and advocates stand up for you and speak on your behalf.
Just make sure you include the entire email, and not just the parts that you want them to see.
Oh, and since you complain about Jackie�s very normal need to call me every night, like it's not natural, I�ll send a calling card to her at her grandparents house so she can call me. And if need be, you can call my house collect and I�ll call right back.
I don�t want my child thinking I�m not there for her. She might be used to it with her Dad but she doesn�t expect it coming from her Mom.
Melissa
So, I was very mad at him Friday and Saturday. I just don�t understand him sometimes.
But yesterday, while I was talking to Jackie on the phone, I noticed she was wheezing a little. Then she told me she had used her nebulizer Saturday and Sunday. When Jackie needs her nebulizer, it means she is having a hard time breathing, and she needs to go to the doctor.
I talked to my ma about it. She said call his mother. That just did not seem like the right thing to do. So, I called him, against my better judgment.
And you know what, he was really nice to me. And he promised if Jackie got any worse he or his parents would take her to the doctor. We talked over the issues in the email, and I got off the phone feeling a lot differently toward him. My mom says she thinks his parents had something to say to him about all this.
Who knows?
After I got off the phone with him, his mother called. I was very relieved that she understood where I was coming from. I mean, people can DIE from asthma attacks! This is serious!
But, I think he finally gets it.
Lord have mercy!
10:03 am - June 27, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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