Today is Jackie�s 7th birthday. I can�t believe my baby is seven years old. It seems like yesterday that I was able to hold her little body in my two hands.
Jackie is a miracle child. See, I was never supposed to be able to have children, thanks to the attack when I was seven myself. All of my life I expected to be alone, and yet God blessed me with this precious little person. I know now that he was watching out for me.
I guess he knew how empty I felt inside.
I guess he also knew how pointless I felt my life was.
I think he knew how hollow my life was without real love.
I think that if I were to die tomorrow I would be okay knowing that I got to experience the most precious love there is.
I look back 7 years. I was 21 years old, almost 22. I was really happy with my husband Shayne. I felt like he was the neatest most unique person I ever met. I would do anything to spend time with him, even if it meant spending the night and sleeping on a beach in San Diego.
I was months into my Navy career. My own career! I specialized in telecommunications. I loved so much about the Navy. The camaraderie, the feeling of acceptance and belonging, the feeling that people I knew had my back.
I had tons of friends. Lily, the emotional Mexican princess. Megan, the girl most likely to do something she�d regret when drunk. Eric Fisher, my actual best friend. Jeff Seelig, the crazy guy from Milwaukee. Priscilla, a Puerto Rican doll. Samantha, the very confused little lesbian.
I had many friends. We spent almost every weekend in Tijuana or in downtown San Diego sightseeing. I was never wanting for company.
And yet, at the end of the day, I was emotionally wanting. I could fill every day up with tons of things to do like school, spending time with Shayne, going to the base club, hanging out in the lounge watching movies.
As much as I felt loved by my friends and Shayne, I still felt a bit empty at times.
Shayne and I talked many times about kids. We decided that we would adopt after we got out of the Navy. We both knew we weren�t going to be lifers and that we�d be in only for our first enlistment.
That being decided we spent many months exploring San Diego and learning about each other. It was ideal for a flourishing relationship. I had confidence that our love would last.
When we got our orders we found out we were going to be stationed in Florida. Me in Jacksonville, he in Mayport. We thought we�d only be minutes from each other.
Reality set in once we got to Florida. He was based 50 minutes or so from me, and we didn�t have a car.
Well, he took buses to come see me, or a friend would give him a ride. He came to the base every weekend.
It was pure heaven. I don�t think I�ve ever been really that happy ever. I had a great new job; a wonderful husband and I got free room and board.
It was a great life for a 21 year old.
We eventually started to think about living together. Right then he was living on the ship and I was living in the barracks. We dreamed of our own place, and started making plans to move in together, as married people should.
One hot summer day, we decided to go stay at a hotel. This was nothing new, we did this quite often. This particular Friday Shayne was not looking well. Even so, we ate dinner at the Denny�s next to the Comfort Inn. After dinner we retired to our room to watch movies and cuddle.
Our plans were dashed when he spent the entire night throwing up. The next morning he felt better so we decided to go eat breakfast at Denny�s.
Only, I had no appetite and I felt nauseous. He was ravenous and consumed everything on the table, even my food, which I hadn�t touched.
Shayne was studying me closely. After I told him I was nauseous he took a close look at me and said, �I think you�re pregnant,� very matter-of-factly.
�You know that�s impossible,� I told him.
�Um, no, I don�t think so. You look just like my mom did whenever she was pregnant. I should know, she�s been pregnant five times,� he said as he shoved in some of my sausage links.
True, his mom had been pregnant many times. But I was always told my body would never carry a child.
I felt like I had the flu that entire day, so we spent the rest of that weekend holed up at the Comfort Inn watching movies.
Sunday we begrudgingly packed our bags and went back to my base. Shayne gave me a hug and a kiss, and he was off to the bus stop so he could go back to Mayport.
My friend Julie and my roommate were going to Walgreen�s to get some personal items. I decided to tag along.
On the way over I mentioned that I�d not been feeling good and relayed what Shayne had said to me to them.
Julie mentioned that I should buy a pregnancy test. I thought that maybe it would be a good idea, so I bought a First Response test.
The girls had other shopping plans for the day so I asked them to drop me off back at the barracks.
I dropped my bags off in my room and decided to go ahead and take the test. I walked down to our common bathroom calmly. I felt like this was just another time that my body was playing tricks on me because I had wanted a baby so bad.
I peed on the stick. I calmly put it up on the toilet paper dispenser and spent some time looking around the stall and reading all the graffiti that people had written on it. Lots of hearts and curse words, I noted.
After 2 minutes I picked up the stick. I almost had a heart attack right there. Two pink lines. OH MY GOD!!!!!
I ran down the hall and knocked on my friend�s door.
�I�m PREGNANT!� I told her and anybody that would listen. No one was as thrilled as I thought they�d be, so I felt a little stupid. Most of these girls felt pregnancy was a way out of the Navy and probably thought I intentionally did it to get out.
I decided to walk to the Pizza Parlor and call Shayne. He was going out to sea for 2 weeks, so this couldn�t wait until he got home.
I called the quarterdeck of his ship. �Petty Officer Such and Such, USS Taylor, how can I help you?� I asked for Shayne and he was paged over the PA system.
�Hello?� I nervously went over the weekend�s events with him. Then I told him I had a HUGE surprise for him.
�What�s that?� he asked.
�We�re going to have a baby, Shayne.� Oh, this wasn�t what I expected. Huge silence at the other end of the phone. Then he started stuttering, which I found pretty funny.
�I�ll go to medical on Monday to find out for sure.�
I went to the doctor that Monday morning, and he confirmed that I was about 6 weeks along. I hadn�t even noticed that my period was late.
My pregnancy was very difficult. First I was very scared of miscarriage so I didn�t get overjoyed about the baby. I also got the most horrible case of morning, hell, all day, sickness. That lasted till I was about 6 months pregnant.
I also gained a lot of weight right off. I got huge real quick, which proved to be a problem because uniforms weren�t really made for huge pregnant women.
At about 7 months we moved into a beautiful mobile home 5 minutes from the base. Shayne and I were pretty excited, but it was dampened because he was deployed a lot through my pregnancy. He missed almost all of my appointments with the doctor.
The longest period we were apart was about 3 months. Shayne lamented that he had missed so much of the pregnancy and he never dreamed he�d be deployed while his wife was pregnant.
We tried to not let it get to us. We spent as much time alone as we could. If we weren�t alone we were with Ricky, Ronnie and David, his friends. It was nice to have so many good friends.
I was due on March 3. A month before Jackie was born I got this horrible rash all over my body. I had to take medicine for the rash, which caused me to be extremely tired. My doctors put me on half workdays so that I could go home and sleep off the medicine.
Kevin came by a lot now. He cooked, cleaned and did my laundry a couple times a week. You can�t ask for a better buddy than that.
The Friday before my due date I told my boss that I wouldn�t be coming to work on Monday. I knew I was going to be having the baby in the next few days.
Friday night, I felt like I had the flu. I spent the night in bed.
Saturday morning I woke up and noticed immediately that I was getting some cramps. I told Shayne and he called the hospital. They told me to walk around for a while and come in when the contractions started getting close together.
Shayne and I walked a lot that day. I started to get really tired.
The contractions started to get close together really quick. David had been staying at our house. He freaked out and the drive to the hospital was like a chase scene from an episode of �The Dukes of Hazard.� He flew over those speed bumps like a bat out of hell.
I had to scream at him to slow down.
At the hospital they immediately hooked me up to a monitor. That�s when we sort of found out that Jackie was a girl. They told us they didn�t see a peepee.
When they checked to see if I was dilated, I got the disappointing news that I was only 1 centimeter. My contractions weren�t effective.
The doc sent me home with sleeping pills and told me to come back Sunday.
I slept through my contractions. However, Shayne was watching me and said that I was crying in my sleep.
Sunday morning I knew that it was the day for the baby to come. We ate breakfast and went to the hospital. This time David drove like a normal person.
The entire day was spent in various birthing positions. I won�t bore you with those details.
Close to midnight the contractions started to get harder. I was starting to be in some real pain. So the doctor prescribed some Demerol.
Which stopped the contractions.
So the doctor prescribed some Pitocin. Which makes contractions harder and faster.
Which really hurts.
I felt Jackie crown. Oh, I�ve never known pain like that. I decided right there I wasn�t going to push anymore and they couldn�t make me.
However, I had to, because Jackie was in the birth canal.
And there she was. And that moment my life changed forever. I cried like a baby myself when she was born.
I remember crying with happiness that God gave her to me. I remember being so thrilled with her that I didn�t want to give her to the nurses so that they could bathe or change her.
I remember thanking God for a chance to be a mother. I held her close to me, and didn�t let her out of my sight.
Her godfather Kevin was working the maternity ward the night she was born, so he got to take care of her. How precious is that?
Today, I remember all the precious things about my daughter and her birth. I think back over the past years and smile about all the joy she has brought to my life.
Thank God for miracles, especially ones that come in little bodies.
09:16 - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
bluemeany
idontpretend
whinerwoman
flicka
kungfukitten
awittykitty
artofliving
thegrapevine
trancejen
chicagojo
ingridwrites
bettyford
myexodus
janie12975
vickithecute
drahmaqueen
ruachadonai
bipolarchild
thedetails
irisheyes70
sunshine0221
sallydallydo
allykitty5
dragprincess
tuckandsophi
taken-by-you
pajamamama
soulstyce
biodtl
thedevlyn
erianne1
jackprague78
r-y-r
nimiiwin
wifemotherme
boxx9000
poolagirl
marlen816
wilberteets
mom-on-roof
mpeacock
arianstar
thecrankyone
kayemess
amblus