Last night was my first good sleep in almost a week. What a relief!
Since last Friday I was suffering from a head cold and since my nose was stuffed up, I'd end up taking my mask off during the night. I finally broke down and bought some Tylenol Cold Severe Congestion and took it at 9:00. I went to bed at 9:30 and slept until 6:10 a.m. I feel better today.
Every day this week I've been slower, fatigued, impatient and uuber crabby. Even when I was Christmas shopping on Monday, because I was tired, it felt less exciting than it usually does. On Wednesday, I found myself raising my voice more, and Jackie I think was absorbing my tension. She didn't listen well this week either, so we had a few arguements.
Not to mention my job requires the moving tons of equipment all over God's earth, and some days this week I was entirely unmotivated to do anything. Try and explain to your boss that you're tired, so can they schedule your work for tomorrow instead? Only, tomorrow comes and you're tired again.
I found myself getting depressed again this week. Even though it was nothing like the depression in September, I still found myself not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to be around anybody and generally avoiding people. I felt like I might say something stupid or rude and felt it was just best to hang low this week. It used to be I wouldn't call people because I didn't have anything good to say.
Now I'm not calling because I'm blah. I don't want to pass my blah on to you. This too shall pass, have faith, my dears, that I'll be back to normal (whatever that is) soon.
It's amazing to me that lack of sleep and depression has controlled so much of my life. I can't believe I didn't notice how lonely it is to be like this. I just want to be alone when I get like that. On the other hand, it's when I yearn for someone to share it with, someone to tell me it's okay to get overwhelmed, and want to cry and someone I can vent too about stupid things. What a double whammy. I get lonely but don't want to be bothered sometimes. I don't expect another person to live with that voluntarily. I guess I have to work on dealing with my emotions like an adult instead of pretending to be a spooked turtle and hiding in my shell.
12:36 - Friday, Nov. 14, 2003
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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