I am in a very tough place right now. Last night, while watching �Drowning Mona�, my only, my six-year-old daughter mentioned to me that she didn�t like being at her dad�s house. Now, kids will usually have issues with two houses and two sets of rules. I expected this. My rules are what I call, typical rules. No hitting, spitting, screaming. No disrespect to each other or adults. No making fun of other people maliciously. Jackie abides by these rules, I�d say, 98% of the time. Occasionally, she will point out to me that I have a large butt, in which case, I say, �I hope you end up with one just like it.� But we only talk that way when we�re alone. I want her to see I�m okay with not being perfect.
Her dad�s rules, I�m sure, in some way are similar to mine. I believe she�s okay with his rules. However, his discipline techniques and family ideas have been called down by me at least one. I do not approve of his discipline techniques. He spanked her; I don�t spank her. That is humiliating for her. I remove privileges and I am consistent. He put her in the corner for 45 minutes for lying. For one, he didn�t investigate the situation, so he assumed she was lying. Bad. For two, the punishment was too harsh for the offense because no one was going to be hurt and no one was in danger. For three, you put them in time out or the corner for at the most, two minutes times their age. So the longest she should�ve been there was 12 minutes.
Oddly enough, Uranus is a usually a permissive parent, except when it benefits him to say no. Like, when he�s trying to prove to others what a great dad he is. Jackie can ask him four times for something and he say no until she bugs him enough and he gives in. I�ve heard it myself. She might try it, but she�s not getting anywhere with me. Kids discover their limits with you pretty quickly.
Uranus is very big on appearances. I am assuming now that Jackie made a comment about �Hooters� while he was visiting his ultra-conservative, ultra-Mormon parents. (I snicker in private). The only problem was, she was talking about the restaurant, where we eat wings, not boobs in general. He assumed that I go around talking about boobs all the time. Oh yeah I�M A BIG LEZBO because my daughter says, �hooters� and therefore I must be living as a jezebel!
Oh, my god. Let�s make the female body to be something mysterious and bad! Let�s call them, protrusions! Just like he calls your privates, �your crotch�. Who says that word? Crusty old ladies. That�s about it. What a prude. I use the exact terminology.
I assume he was mad because Jackie embarrassed him by talking about Hooters. Instead of asking me, he just assumed I was teaching her all sorts of worldly things. Welcome to my world bro, she embarrasses me too. But that�s what kids do. You can teach them to be the epitome of etiquette and they will still slip up and fart, burp or pee on themselves. It�s guaranteed to happen at least once every year or so.
Anyway, when I was talking to Jackie she teared up big-time. I know that she had scraped her knee earlier when she fell off her bike. She had told me a few times it hurt. Ah, the days of six-year-olds riding their bike sans training wheels. The agony. Most times I�m watching through my fingers saying, �I can�t look.�
She had a bad scrape yesterday. I explained, �That�s why I tell you to wear a helmet and knee pads. She got hurt, but she learned the lesson.
It was still bothering her most of the evening so that�s what I attributed her tears to.
But she told me, �Mommy, when I got a mosquito bite, Daddy would pinch it and it hurt!� I�m remembering as a kid, if I had a mosquito bite, I�d dig my nail into it a little and it helped. But you don�t do it to somebody else. That ignoramus. I told her, �Did you tell Daddy it hurt?� She said, �Yeah but he didn�t do anything. He didn�t stop�.
Now, I�m majorly pissed because he doesn�t respect her as an individual. Or as a little person. I�m getting really pissed that he�s probably referring to his WARPED childhood for instruction on how to deal with kids. I mean, his father kidnapped him as a one-year-old and told him his mother was dead. He had sex in front of Uranus. For God�s sake, his mom got him back at ten and this kid was already having issues.
And he�s referring to those experiences? I mean, he wouldn�t do anything in front of Jackie, but his dad�s discipline wasn�t too stellar I�m assuming.
I really hate his guts right now. I want to call his house and scream at him for all the really stupid, pointless moronic things he did while she was visiting. It takes me a while to calm down, but when I feel pretty calm I turn to her and say, � Honey, before you would go back to Daddy�s, I will call and talk to him about what made you upset. And then it would be different. I mean, you know Daddy loves you. You did fun things with the family; they did spend time with you.�
Her little gray eyes are large and sad, �Mommy, I don�t ever want to go back to Daddy�s house.�
I ask, �Can I ask why? Did somebody hurt you, besides Daddy pinching your mosquito bites?� She said, �No, but this is my home. I have more fun with you mommy. You spend more time with me.�
I�m thinking how sad that is, because my ex is going to school. He�s not working. Uranus had more time with her than I ever did. I found out that it did not occur to him to take his daughter out with him �alone� one single time. She had to do �family� things with him, she had to mesh with his new wife and his stepdaughter. I can�t imagine what a huge letdown it was to Jackie to be all excited to go see her dad and her dad turns out to be a big poop-head. He knew she was afraid of the dark, and he didn�t put a nightlight in her room. He knew she was allergic to baby powder, but put it on her anyway. He knew she had allergies, yet didn�t make arrangements for his cat to stay with someone else while Jackie was there. He didn�t take her to the doctor when she had a sinus infection.
Worse, he didn�t put her in school when she went up there.
What an asshole.
Jerk.
Pig.
I hate him. He�s an idiot. I can�t tell her that though. I don�t to be the deciding factor in whether Jackie has a relationship with her dad or not.
She�s six; maybe there�s time.
While talking to Jackie, I�m doing some serious tongue biting because I don�t want her to not want to be with her dad because of me. Or anything I said. Or did. I�m not gonna pull one of his numbers and try to convince her one way or another where she should want to stay.
I say, �Jackie, I am not going to prevent you from visiting your dad if that�s what you want to do. But I�m not going to make you go if you don�t want to.� Jackie just starts bawling like she lost her best friend and crawls up in my lap. I feel like crying too, feeling her little sweaty forehead on my shoulder, little body heaving. I can feel she is hurting.
I hold her close. I think he has hurt her emotionally really badly, and if I had the chance I�d punch him in the nose.
Uranus is so selfish. He leaves Jackie, doesn�t see her for four years. In that four years, he gets a whole new family. Jackie goes to visit and he expects her to love and cherish them all immediately. He doesn�t get to know her.
My poor daughter doesn�t like her father. I mean, she loves him, but doesn�t like him. What a shame. But he did it to himself. That ape.
2:01 p.m. - 2003-07-15
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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