Salsalita is crazy. I�d just like to mention she�s the crazy one, not me. Yesterday at the store she was farting, dropping things and blaming it on me. She�s such a scandalous woman. Embarrassing.
Seriously, we had a good time yesterday. She came over after work and we went to K-Mart, where we proceeded get a few personal things. Then we went over to Bellacino�s for dinner. I had to admit they got great grub. The best part though was that it wasn�t crowded and we didn�t have the kids so we actually could sit and enjoy it. I had a small cheese pizza and a hot ham and cheese samich. I threw some food at her, and she picked it up off the table and ate it. Nasty girl.
After that, we headed over to the Hallmark store. Salsalita was searching for a Dreamsicles cake-topper, but they didn�t have it. We picked up some of those tarts from Yankee Candle, cards for Rufus (who is having a bad time right now) and Wacky, and Salsalita bought some �Sorry� pills for Rufus. That cracked me up because it said they insure �100% forgiveness�. We all need more of that.
I got him a card that when I read it to her, made me all misty and she thought it was really sweet.
On the way to the register she spotted the only POW/MIA coffee mug they had left. I snatched that up. Stuff like that is rare here.
What if I got pregnant recently? Maybe it�s cause recently I finally let myself be a young woman again that this issue has resurfaced in my mind. It�s weird to see that side of yourself after you�ve repressed it for so long.
What would I do? I�d keep it. But it would be strange raising another kid alone after adamantly, for so long, being abstinent because I didn�t want to bring another kid into the world when their father wouldn�t be around. The child would have to have six godfather�s ala Elizabeth Hurley.
I was worried. We used protection, but you know that�s not 100%. He�s not the sort of man that ever wants a family so he would be horrified if I did get pregnant. I like him a lot, care for him very much, but it�s obvious that he wouldn�t want a family with me.
Aunt Flo came to visit 3 days early, this morning in fact, so I know I�m not. It was weird though; I didn�t have any of the usual PMS symptoms that make being a woman so much fun. Maybe it�s that I want a baby so much that my body is out of wack. I never admit I want a baby that much, but the yearning is intense.
I�m trying to squash that because bringing a baby into the world out of loneliness is selfish and financially stupid. Not to mention that the baby suffers.
I contemplate the fact though that while I want another child, I don�t want to deal with another jerk that doesn�t respect or love me the way I deserve. Why aren�t there more family oriented men out there? Could it be because of women that I�ve run across who think men are stupid and can be very easily manipulated? I mean, look at poor Mr. Sweatpants. One chick he�s known forever took him for $20,000 and doesn�t even have the time of day for him. Mr. Sweatpants was burned enough then to swear off women for a while.
My ovaries are screaming, more babies now!! They jump when a young studly man walks by. It�s embarrassing. But I can�t seem to get the hang of dating. While I love to flirt, I find getting to know someone tedious, if only because I know the story of my life will eventually come up. It�s so uncomfortable for me, knowing most people think I should be psychiatrically evaluated or that I must have some major baggage that impedes me from being marrying material. Or, they treat me like a fragile little crystal thing that will break if you squeeze it too hard. Most men find the idea of that kind of upkeep to be exhausting.
I�ve also thought, what if I find someone passionate about the same causes that I�m interested in? We would at least understand each other. It�s hard to meet men like that however, when there�s hardly any advocacy events in this city. Sigh. I will just keep looking. But I want to be careful because looking too hard can cause you to have blurry vision. I don�t want to be so zealous that I find someone who�s bad for me and I�m in too deep to see what trouble I�m in.
Wish me luck.
2:32 p.m. - 2003-06-18
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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