�Well, you know kind of like when you get a new toy. Well, at first it�s exciting, but then the excitement wears off.� What my ex told my daughter when she asked him why we weren�t married anymore.
Boy, that�s imaginative! He could work alongside Steven Spielburg, that brilliant man!
What do I say to that? Nothing I guess.When he told me that he replied to Jackie's question with that reply, I gritted my teeth so hard it hurt. I seethe inwardly because I always told Jacq that her parents didn�t love each other the same way anymore, which is so not the case. I mean, I can't tell her that her dad couldn't keep it in his pants, that's not right. But it is true.
I�m not going to poison Jackie�s relationship with her dad. Because the truth is, I love him today and I love her even more. I don't want her to feel guilty for loving either of us. This is not her issue.
He�s hurt me, yes. But I don�t just stop loving anyone. It's not something I can switch off, so I'm always amazed by sudden revelations that "I just don't love you anymore" by anyone. I love my friends, families, lovers, with the same intensity because that�s what people deserve. I try to make that person feel like they are the only one in the world.
Ask Mr. Sweatpants. He and I are close today and we broke up in January. He is such a good friend to me that I�m not going to throw away 13 years of friendship just because a courtship didn�t pan out. He�s like my softest most comfortable blankie. Or my old sweatpants.
Back to Shayne, he thought of me as a toy? He told Jackie that it was exciting but when the excitement wore off, it wasn't interesting anymore. By the way, "it" is me, and the reality was, when I got fat and pregnant, I wasn't interesting anymore. Boyfriend has got some serious issues. A toy huh, well, just call me "Sleep Apnea Barbie". �She stops breathing 16 times an hour, snorts and snores, and occasionally looks like hell. She comes equipped with a slow metabolism and what looks like J.Lo�s ghetto booty stricken with major elephantitus! Also collect �Bitter Divorce Barbie� and �Menopausal Barbie� who are relatives." I think Cinders is becoming "Menopausal Barbie". Cinders has said some hateful mean things to me over the past year. I don't know if I should attribute it to jealousy, hormones or general crustyness of the aged.
As far as Uranus; I have always accepted his youth, and didn�t mind tiptoeing around boxes of Ewok Villages, legless and headless GI Joe�s and boxes of Marvel Comics. I didn�t hold it against him, because it was his hobby. He loves toys. However, I'm a person, not a toy and where the hell did he get that anyway?(but Madonna, you go with your bad self you boy toy!).
Maybe I�m reading more into this than I should but I�m sort of offended by his explanation to Jackie. Marriage is a sacred covenant between two people and shouldn�t be taken lightly. I guess I�m just offended by his trivializing of it. It will be something I�ll have to get over. My guess is that as always, there�s lots of misfiring synapses in his brain and he couldn�t come up with anything else.
My picture tube in my TV is dying. No more RCA products for me ever again. I bought this TV in Florida at Best Buy four years ago and thought that since I bought a decent brand name I was saving myself a hassle and it, like my grandma�s fifteen year old TV, would last forever. Granted, mine�s been through six military moves, but it was always handled gently. I�m just feeling very upset because I recently made a decision to disconnect the cable, and I�m okay because my antenna picks up lots of signals and they�re clear.
Yesterday was a bad day, and all I wanted to do was watch a movie. I picked �Steel Magnolia�s� because I wanted to get my mind off my own issues. Since I hadn�t watched a flick in so long, I hadn�t connected the TV to the VCR. I set about doing so and immediately noticed that the picture was very blurry. I thought it was the movie, so I took it out and put in �Austin Powers�. It was still blurry. So I disconnect the TV from the VCR and the picture is essentially the same. Blurry with lines going through it. Lines that don�t move. Man, I�m pissed.
No Jackie. No cable. No moolah. No Lisa. No decent relationship with Cinders so I can call and talk and be certain she won�t blab it to the rest of the free world. I try calling Mr. Sweatpants, but his phone has been busy for three hours. I just feel so alone. Finally, Mr. Sweatpants calls from work. I beg him to skip running and come over, because I�m depressed and things suck. I am sniveling all over the phone and he feels sorry for me. So, he does come right over. And I spend an hour crying and sniveling all over his black tee shirt. He encourages me to cry and encourages me to relax.
I am upset about Uranus and Cinders transgressions against me, I cry because my Grandma�s house is going to be condemned and I know it will be scary for her to move. I snivel also because I miss Jackie, feel useless and I feel so alone lately. I am upset because Mr. Sweatpants and I don�t want the same things. I want a spouse and another child, and he could live forever without it. He�s a true Bachelor. So I have to go out and date more toads. Starting all over is a huge thing and I loathe it.
So, after a while, I make a huge unlady-like snort to clear my nose and I feel so much better. He says he�ll get me another TV and I say no; that�s not his responsibility and I�m going to entertain myself until I can afford another.
I mean, I will not take advantage of his kindness. I just needed him to be there for me; I didn�t ask him to come over so he can fix everything. Men try to do that because they think it�s what you want, when really all you need is them to listen. I just needed a friend. Poor Lisa has things of her own to worry about and I don�t want to call her only when I want to crab about things.
I didn't mean to abstain for this long. I didn't swear men off after Uranus screwed me over. But just the same, it just sort of became a health issue that I not "share" with anyone until I felt it was right. Maybe I made that decision because I know that I equate that physical act with emotional love, and I don't want to delude myself. Mr. National Security will literally have his hands full with me. And though he's a manly man, I'm sure as usual, I will be deemed too intense. I want to note that I usually run kicking and screaming from manly men because I think that they could hurt me. So I end up with spineless, noncommittal types instead. Jeez.
Anyway, Mr. National Security asked me out again. Has it been that long? Seems like he got deployed a while ago, but he's back. He�s the one I thought was a cutie but a year and a half ago, when he flirted with me, he was married (albeit unhappily, which doesn't matter to me, it's still wrong) and I told him I just do not do that. I�m not the �sharing� kind of woman. I�m better than that, ya know. Messing with a married man is bad Juju.
Well, I see him last Friday and he tells me they�ve been separated for a while. I say, �Sure, we�ll go out for a drink, but I just do not mess with married men," to which he replied, "I didn't say that!" Yep, and I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday. He seemed to be taken aback by my adamant protests about my virtue, but he also seemed also to be okay with it.
Mr. Sweatpants couldn�t believe I said that to Mr. National Security, but I don�t want Mr. National Security to be disillusioned. For my own sake I must not delude myself.
I don�t want to assume anything. We both have children, and we need to think about them first. I mean, I�d like to be close to a man (definitely him), but he�s going to have issues from his disintegrating relationship with his estranged wife. I don�t want to intrude. Plus, I mean, I had lots of women intruding in my marriage and I really didn't appreciate it, especially during the divorce. I don't want to cause him trouble.
I can be Mr. National Security's special friend, as I have with all my other male friends. I�ve had many in the military and even now. I�ve not slept with anyone except Mr. Sweatpants, though that is starting to wear on my patience since he doesn't give it up and hasn't in a year. He�s the only man (and that was only a few times) in five years.
I�m saving myself for my future husband, and that means, no booty for you! Ya'll gonna have to get your pirate treasure elsewhere.
I�m going for the sainthood, you know. Melissa, Patron Saint off POW/MIA�s. Melissa, Patron Saint of Accidental Abstinence. Melissa, Patron Saint of Shopping. Yes. I can see that.
9:23 a.m. - 2003-06-03
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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