Ooh, la la! I saw Mr. National Defense today. N was looking very handsome in his camouflage uniform. He�s very cute. He has buzz cut brown hair and blue eyes, a baby face, and these massive bear hands. I was thinking about where those bear hands could go, given an opportunity, but I digress.
I was feeling a bit, shall we say, confused that he hadn�t called me yet since I�d given him my number.
I mean, on Friday he asked to take me out for drinks. For a girl that hasn�t dated much in FIVE years, this was exciting, almost a game show moment. (I�m very picky). I�m antsy.
I was very excited at the prospect of spending some time with N. I�m worried that because I was nervous when I talked with him on Friday and was tired, crabby and babbling, saying I�m not that kind of girl that I might�ve come off as a prude. Being careful doesn't make you a prude. Trust me, I�m not, but the thoughts of someone only spending time with me just to get down just turns me off. I need the feeling of mutual respect.
I wanted him to call, so I could explain myself, but my phone betrays me, and when I pick it up, he�s not on the line. Disappointing. I figured there might be another valid reason for him not calling me, so when I saw him this morning, standing guard, I just had to walk up to him. The old me would�ve just snuck past him, tail between my legs, ego broken, me; now just a shadow of a confident woman. I must be brave but act casual.
Now, I am looking very fine today, because I just had a feeling he would be here. I�m a babe if I do say so myself. When I was putting on my make-up, I saw him walking to his vehicle. I beeped but he didn�t see me.
So, I sashay down the way, and when I see him, I just stop and stare at him, like �You better recognize!�. He spots me and smiles.
He says, �Come here.� Motioning for me to come over. I hesitate to keep from getting run over by a goon in a minivan and slink on over to his truck and gently put my hand on his arm.
Without looking at him, I stroke his hand with my nail and say, �You know, you could make a girl very self-conscious�.� N looks frustrated and explains to me that one of his bosses,has something to prove and is not giving him enough time off. He says that ever since he stood up to her, she�s giving him extra work and calling him on his time off. I explain that maybe she thinks that rumor about big hands is true. Embarrassed, he laughs. He�s explaining that after he works a 12-hour day, he�s exhausted. I tell him I know the feeling, I did those hours in the military.
I longingly mention that I�m tired of being alone or stuck with Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, and that is the Universal Name for most men I have dated. I mention how frustrating it is because I am so picky about who I�m dating that it�s been a very long time. I�m awful; y�all don�t have to tell me. It's just been a while since I've been able to be emotionally attached.
N. mentions he�d like to move to STL. I mention I�d be glad to have him here.
He promises to call me this week.
8:37 a.m. - 2003-06-04
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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