I ought to tell you diary that I thought I was pregnant. My period was over a week late..and I began to wonder if my mood changes were severe PMS or pregnancy hormones. I even took a pregnancy test. Negative.
I was disappointed. David is fixed...so the possibility was next to nothing. But I hoped against hope that a few hundred sperm somehow made their way through.
It has been 8 years or more since I wanted to have a baby with ANY guy. After Jackie was born..Uranus really started to show his ass..so I put any more delusions about babies to rest.
Now I have Dave..and I love him so, so much. I think we'd make a beautiful baby. I think he'd be a great Dad.
But I started my period yesterday...so any illusions I had about possibly being pregnant are gone.
I still hope that someday we can reverse his vasectomy..or do SOMETHING where we can make a baby together. I'd love to adopt..but no one is going to give a baby to two bipolar people. It just won't happen. So I hope for a miracle.
Now..I want to talk about something. What follows falls into the category of TOO MUCH INFORMATION. If my reader is squeamish..they may want to move on today.
Now that I've said that (this is your last chance to look away!)..I want to mention that my friggin uterus feels like it is going to fall out of my body! OH MY GOD! The cramps. The pain. Maybe the powers that be felt that since I got an extra week of no period...my body should make up for it by making me have the period from hell. And I am. My God. The cramps. My whole abdomen hurts. Try explaining it to a guy. The closest I can come is the worst shit you ever had to take..the cramps associated with it..and times it by 50.
Why the hell did Adam let Eve talk him into eating that apple? Because God decided as punishment that women should have painful childbirth. But I think he was in a particularly bad mood that day..because I have a feeling he threw in terrible PMS and painful periods as a bonus prize.
My PMS was so severe last week...I briefly considered that I may have been possessed. I did things that were so evil I scared myself. I was just generally hateful and the worst..was probably the road rage. I said nasty dirty words and everywhere I drove this week, I flipped a lot of people the bird..and that is something I have not done for YEARS because I know how stupid and dangerous it is. But the words stupid and dangerous did not penetrate into my head this week.
And now that I got my period....more nasty mean words. Because I took an 800 millogram (sp) ibuprofin about 20 minutes ago and I am PRAYING that this even sensation of someone pulling on my uturus disappears soon.
David asked me last night if I wanted to have sex. HA!!!!!!!!!! You're joking right? I'm hurting and you want to have sex? Oh yeah..I am feeling downright sexy right now. Have I ever turned David down..um..about 3 times since he moved in June 10th. Last night made 4. The last thing I want to feel is ANYTHING near my hurting vag.
Men.
Okay...I'm done talking about my body.
Next Tuesday I start back with the part time job. Different company same building. I'm excited because a week and a half of being unemployed is driving me batshit. The only thing keeping me sane is getting up every morning to get Jackie off to school. It is a normal time to get up and it is a routine..which I desperately need. Otherwise..I'd sleep in until 10 or 11 out of sheer depression..and then I'd eat and eat and eat..and then things would really be sucktacular.
We are thinking about moving. Things are just getting bad around here. We are now under new management..as of yesterday..but I think we ALL need a fresh start. Jackie needs to go to a school where she's not been tormented..and I NEED to not look at the same fence every day when I walk out of the front door. Plus..I spent a lot of sad years here..and I'm happy now...so it's time to move on.
We are just waiting on my 401K check. How many frigging years does it take to cut a check? We need that money to move..and to pay for the fence that I backed into back in July. The management let it go from being a little problem..to a big problem..and every day I look at that unrepaired fence I see it getting worse. It irritates the shit out of me.
Dave's friend Sean is coming over tomorrow. David doesn't understand that the guy has a serious hygiene problem and I cannot tolerate that rank smell for more than one day a week. I know he thinks I have an issue with his friend..but my friends don't stink! Stinking is a problem. Stinking makes me want to throw up.
Speaking of stinking..I love David..but I have to TELL him when to take a shower. I don't know why. I really think it just does not occur to him often enough that he needs to. How can a guy who can multiply large numbers in his head (my Rain Man) not know when to take a shower? All I can say is thank GOD that he does not have a BO issue like his friend.
I did ask him one day if he was allergic to water. That did not go over well. My sense of humor bombs when it gets too close to the truth.
Well..lots needs to be done around here. I did five loads of laundry yesterday...and I got my pre-period severe backache. I was pretty much immobilized the rest of the day..and exhausted too.
Today...we are going to my soon to be nephew's birthday party. He's 5. I got him some cute clothes. I didn't know what to get! I know kids love toys but Dave wasn't much help (he didn't know what O likes) and I couldn't get ahold of my soon to be sister-in-law to ask her.
David and I are going to wait to get married until I'm full time again. He's the right guy..I'm the right girl..and we can wait until the time is right. We did find out the government would most likely cut his disability benefits a lot since my income would be considered income for him too. That sucks.
So we really need to make sure I'm full time so we can AFFORD to lose his benefits.
Well...I'm off to research marriage. David and I have been reading up on issues and tips and just general things people need to keep in mind when they get married. I do know that I will pray that guardian angels surround our marriage and family and protect us from the world.
Talk to you soon!
Me
7:37 am - September 02, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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