I've been up since 5 this morning. I cannot sleep. I do not quite remember, for the most part, what I dreamed about last night. My dreams were a collage of faces and a collection of emotions, mostly sad.
Right now, I'm nauseus again. If I were having sex, I'd think I was pregnant. But since I'm not, I know this is all about my nerves.
I dreamed of Shawn, I know. I made a connection with him a week or so ago. I am pretty sure nothing will come of anything with him, but for some reason, he is dear to my heart. I cannot explain why some people become special, and some people do not. I have been known in the past to discard people I thought wouldn't be good for me before even getting to know them at all.
I also thought about Matthew when I went to bed. I am still surprised to think that just as recent as September I could not concieve of being involved with a guy, and now, I'm not afraid anymore. It's amazing what good therapy can do for a person.
(My neighbor just brought me brownies. Bless her!)
I know I could go into work today. I still might. But I really don't want to get out of pajamas. I know I have to at least change, because no matter what, Jackie is going to school. She's driving me batshit.
I've had the candles burning for 5 days now. Santa Barbara and Our Lady of Guadalupe (for Lisa's pregnancy) and the Come to Me Candle (which draws attraction and passion for me). I also started the Court Case candle. That's to get the ball rolling for some extra help with Rodney's parole hearing.
I don't care if people call it witchcraft. I call it using what's available for help. And the candle's for Lisa seem to be helping. Her hormone levels are tripling and it appears her pregnancy is more healthy every day.
The attraction and passion candle seems to be working on different levels too. Am I ready for it? I think so.
I need to distract myself. For not much longer can I convince myself that Aunt Ruth Ann is still alive. It's just that she was so young, and she died so suddenly, and the worst, she was alone.
I don't want to be alone when my time comes. That's all I ask, God.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: "Voices Carry" Til Tuesday
6:12 am - March 31, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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