Thank you all for the well wishes, love and prayers.
It means the world to me.
Today was an okay day..certain aspects extraordinary, certain sucky. The sucky part was feeling just plain sad about my Aunt Ruth Ann. She was certainly one of the nicest people to me in my adopted family.
When I was adopted into that family at 16, I felt she accepted me right away. I was weird as hell, and she still accepted me. I was a kid with a lot of baggage and trust issues, and she welcomed me. Living with Cindy (my adopted Mom) was the first time I felt loved in a very long time. A whole new family was definitely overwhelming..
I feel like I fit in now. And I want to be part of the preparations..and yet I am distancing myself to keep it from being real to me. Unfortunately, in a few days, it will be very real. If you don't know it now, I have issues with loved ones passing. I have no issue with my death someday in the future, but I have a hard time with the death of my loved ones.
I was used to death with my biological family, but somehow, I had always naively hoped it wouldn't happen to my adopted family. My little bubble has been burst.
Last night I was so nauseus I could not sleep, and I didn't end up going into work today. I slept until 11.
But my day was saved when my...um..what shall I call him? Well, Matthew popped up on AIM. I found Matthew on Livej*ournal. He has a death penalty group. We click so well. Weeks ago, I developed a crush on him. I didn't say anything though, he is just having a hard time in his life and I didn't want to intrude.
Today, we had a really interesting, stimulating conversation.
I could totally fall in love with the guy...and it's been a long time since that happened to me. Too many barriers between me and guys, I guess.
There is just something extraordinary about him. I don't want to get myself hyped up about it because I don't want to jinx it.
But he just feels good to me. I can't explain why.
I'm blushing. I need to stop writing.
6:44 pm - March 30, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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