I am doing fine today.
It seems that my healing has slowed a bit. That is so disappointing because it seemed I was making huge strides in it. Right now, I�m taking a little break from it all.
Last night, I was working in my workbook and my project was to write a eulogy for my abuser. I�ve had two. I wrote the one for my grandpa last night. In the eulogy, you imagine saying all the things about that person that people didn�t want to admit or didn�t even know. It was hard. But I did it. I would share it with you all, but some of the details in the Eulogy are intensely personal and involve my family, so I can�t. But just know, it was truthful and scathing and jarring. I felt better after I wrote it.
Sunday, I went and had a cleansing done. Those of you familiar with cleansings will know what it is. Those who aren�t would probably think of it as satanic or as witchcraft so I don�t want to argue about it. But believe me, it is not Satanic, it is merely symbolic. It cleanses away the negative energy in your body and the area surrounding it. I can tell you I felt a lot better after I had it. The healer kept concentrating on my head area. He asked me if I had been wounded in my head by the attack, which I consider to be scarily right on, because I was stabbed in the head, near my eye. I�ve never written ANYWHERE about that, nor have I discussed it with the healer or anyone who would know him. He could feel a coldness near my head and so could I. It was very warm in the shop and we were not anywhere near the front door, so this was not a situation he could create. The coldness was gone when he was finished.
We also discussed Rod*ney. We both think that he�s got some super bad karma coming at him. I needn�t worry about the outcome of it all (parole hearing, court situations) because he�s going to get what�s coming to him, and soon. The healer is also a psychic. He seemed to agree that Rodn*ey is under some demonic influence. I have always felt there was a demonic influence for what happened to me with Rod*ney. It�s not that I don�t think he was in his right mind, but I do think his mind was very open to dark things and things not of this world. He has a very dark spirit. Whatever it is that is within him comes from a very dark, evil, nasty and dank place. The worst thing is, is that he welcomes it, which is something I�ve always known.
The healer gave me a thunderstone. It is used for protection by Native Americans. I carry it in my purse. I also bought one for my big sister.
As far as the situation with the healer goes, I feel very comfortable with him and in his shop. I bonded with him right away. I also met his father, and I realize that I know his father from somewhere and that we are somehow connected.
I think sometimes, you meet people and realize that you knew them in another time. I�m not saying another life, but maybe, in heaven, before we were born.
I think about that Methodist church a lot. I still struggle with religion, mostly because of the bad experiences I�ve had with it. That church was wonderful; I felt love and warmth there. But as always, I knew I wouldn�t fit in.
I think about my older sister, the white witch. She is so secure in her beliefs and her practices and she is the most serene person I have ever met. But could I be a witch? I just don�t know.
I grew up in a family religion where every other religion was wrong. There was a lot of talk about witchcraft and the so-called �evils� of it. But I�ve met a lot of Wiccans and witches in my lifetime and they are not evil people. They are wonderful people who believe that whatever you put out, you get back threefold. And the saying I heard a lot is �harm no one�. I only met one who I felt was affiliated with the dark side, and she scared me so much that I stayed away from her after that. I don�t even think she realized what she was doing.
My sister says with every religion you will find people who walk on the light side and others that walk on the dark. She says this pattern has been repeated throughout history. There are bad people in every religion, and there are good people too.
What am I? What am I meant to do? I know I have certain gifts, and that they are God-given. I know he has a purpose for me and my life. Most of all, I know God loves me and shines his light on me every day of my life. Even when I feel the most alone, I know I have him.
10:34 am - February 23, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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