I have a sleep study tonight. Yipee!!
Please visit our buddy purplebanana and leave messages of support. She lives in London. I am so worried about her�.
I couldn�t believe what I heard this morning when I woke up. The MJ Morning Show was on and MJ was saying there were 6 explosions in London.
Maybe it is I being emotional but tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I thought of purplebanana and other innocent people who live in London being impacted by terrorism. It makes me cry and it makes me angry.
There is another issue making me sad.
I wasn�t going to talk about it here but�.
Friday morning word got around that a co-worker, a good friend of mine named Tom died of a heart attack sometime Thursday night or early Friday morning. I was heartbroken. He has been my friend for 3 years. We spent a lot of time talking about our relationship with God, our family and our lives. I really cherished him. I remember hiding out in his office.
He had the sweetest spirit. I could always talk to him. No matter how I looked on any given day, he�d tell me I looked beautiful. I had the biggest crush on him for the longest time, but eventually, I just came to treasure him as a friend and fellow human being.
Thursday morning, we had been in a meeting. Tom seemed fine, jovial even. A co-worker of ours, JJ, had farted while talking and didn�t even try to cover it up. After the meeting I had been talking with Tom and we were laughing about JJ.
That was the last time I saw him. Friday, we found out he had died. He was only 44 years old, in good shape, didn�t smoke or drink. Newly married (8 months) and happy with 3 older daughters and two younger stepdaughters.
During the weekend, I was pretty subdued. Whenever I thought of Tom I�d get a little misty. I felt like I had no right to get real emotional about it, since we weren�t family.
But then yesterday�I was sitting at my desk. There had been murmurings about Tom around the area. But no one really comes back in my area to talk to me anymore, so it is obvious everyone already knew what I was about to find out.
I overheard Jim talking to Royce (a co-worker who had retired) on the phone. That�s when I found out Tom didn�t die of a heart attack.
He killed himself. With a 44. When they found Tom, he had pictures of his wife and kids spread around him.
The anguish I felt..I know it�s no comparison to the pain of his family; especially his wife and kids. But I know the sort of agony a person feels when they are suicidal. I know how it feels to not want to live anymore. I can put myself in the same mindset Tom had when he killed himself, because I�d been in that mindset a few times before. It is very lonely and discouraging.
I don�t know exactly what went through Tom�s head before he pulled that trigger. I guess we�ll never know.
But Tom, I want you to know, wherever you are, that I will miss you. You are my friend, and I love you. There will never be anyone else like you in the world. The world is less because you are gone.
I�m sorry we weren�t close enough to where you felt like you could talk to me. I�m sorry I didn�t know that a month ago, you had called another co-worker and threatened to do the very thing you did last week. I�m sorry.
I know what being suicidal feels like. I�m sorry I did not share my pain with you in 2003; because maybe you might�ve been able to talk to me had you known I went through the very same thing.
Every time I hear �California Dreaming� I�ll think of you. May you rest in peace, my friend.
8:19 am - July 07, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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