I�m so tired.
I got so upset last night. Tony and I and the kids went to Macaroni Grill last night, her treat. Afterwards she suggested we go to Catherine�s to look around.
Not really one of my favorite stores because some of the merchandise is too old for me. My mom would love this shop. Only, she�s not a size 16-34, which is what they carry exclusively. I think she�s a 14 but this stuff is right up her alley. Busy bright prints, pink flamingo appliqu�s, etc.
Not really my bag. However, comma, they do have a few things that I would wear. I love their jewelry. Good stuff.
We looked around while the kids goofed off in front of the mirror. Tony was trying to perk me up out of my depression and handed me some blouses to go try on. She�s not like me. She doesn�t buy something and then go home to try it on. I�m terrible about that.
I got in the dressing room, undressed, and almost died. I was shocked at my reflection. I am so fat right now. My calves look like a normal woman�s thighs. I don�t know how the hell I�m going to get this weight off. It�s so depressing to know that I�m on a medicine that helps me mentally but slows down my metabolism. I�ve lost the power to control my weight anymore.
I was so down after that and lost my motivation to shop. I left the store empty-handed and almost in tears.
I�ve become one of those people who�s so fat that I don�t care anymore. Some days I wonder why I drink diet soda and eat Lean Cuisine meals because it�s getting me nowhere.
My only hope is getting my car paid off and buying a treadmill. It�s that or gastric bypass surgery.
I never thought I�d be a fat woman. Hell, I spent my early 20�s in the Navy and I was active. And look where I am right now. I hate this.
I am not feeling settled in my personal life right now and it�s bugging me. I sort of feel like I�m adrift on an old raft in the ocean. I feel alone.
I have two women in my life who are suffering immensely right now. One is my sister. The other is my friend Lisa. I�m mad that the person that wronged them both is a man.
Not me.
I only spoke up to my sister because I was afraid for her. I mean, really, this is a different kind of situation that does entail some urgency because I don�t know; maybe his record of assault and stalking might be of some significance?
I didn�t plan on adding to Lisa�s grief because I knew she had too much to worry about right now. I know how upset you were about that letter your mom wrote Doug, Lisa.
However, Lisa felt the need to emotionally body slam me by telling me that it was some insane desire for �honesty� that made me tell my sister �Hey, dummy. He�s going to kill you.�
It wasn�t an insane desire for honesty.
Lisa, if you think that then you really don�t know me.
Even though it�s true that no man could ever be good enough for my sister, I would think that she could get someone that�s, I don�t know, employed, drug-free, normal, etc.
She�s settling. She�s settling for the first troll that came along and said, �I love you baby.�
Now, I�m not going to go into your relationship because really, it�s not my business. I am going to admit though that you�ve been handed the wrong end of the stick since the beginning and I�m sad for you. I�m sad you�re going through such a hard time right now. I�m sad you had to move into an apartment when you worked so hard to make the house a home. I�m sad that you are not living with your spouse. I�m sad that you are sad.
Maybe you�d like to believe I feel some sort of glee about the situation you�re in, but I don�t.
I�m disturbed.
I just wish things were back to normal. Ever since Renee came and brought her bad karma-juju-whatever- with her things have really sucked in Missyville.
1:45 pm - July 02, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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