Sunday night I was 45 minutes into some good sleep. My phone rang. Crap. Groggily, I fumbled in the darkness across my nightstand until I found the receiver.
�Um, hello?� It�s hard to talk when I�m wearing my sleep mask.
�Lis, this is your Grandma�� Wait! My grandma goes to bed at 8:30, so why is she calling me at..oh, 9:45 p.m.?
�Your sister just called me. She wants you to call her back.�
�Melinda called you this late at night?�
�No, Renee called me.�
�Um, okay Grandma, I�ll call her and I�ll call you tomorrow.� Only, I didn�t call Renee and I forgot to call Grandma yesterday. Oops. I went back to sleep. Thanks to my medication for making me so groggy.
My workday dragged. I thought all day about my little sister and what could possibly possess her to wake Grandma up in the middle of the night.
I called Renee at 6:30 last night. She answered on the 7th ring.
I knew something was up. Call it my BS monitor. Call it my 6th sense. Call it my sisterly overly protective instinct.
She began the conversation by saying, �I know you know what I did.� No time to play stupid here. She now knows Tommy told us that Terry was there with Renee around Christmas. She knows we know Terry got out of jail and moved back in with her.
�I wish you would�ve told me you knew��
�Yeah, well, Renee, I thought if we confronted you about Terry then you�d shut us out. Mindy and I chose to keep it to ourselves so you wouldn�t be angry and not talk to us.�
This minding our own business took a lot of planning and restraint. Melinda and I chose, as Renee�s sister, to let Renee make her own decisions and be her own person. We chose not to get involved in her personal life.
We�ve kept this knowledge to ourselves since the beginning of January. It was not easy. We had to dodge probing questions from Uncle Larry, Aunt Rabby, and Grandma. Grandma is a rough person to try to hide anything from. She can ferret out a lie like nobody�s business.
My sister had to patiently remind me of what I told her about Terry.
�Well, sissy, you told me after the first time that if I ever had anything to do with Terry again that you�d disown me as your sister.� Ah, yes, this does sound somewhat like something I�d say pre-Zyprexa. I was a little rough, paranoid and unrealistic before I got diagnosed as a bipolar. You have to understand though that the reason I said this to her was because the stupid inbred bastard crossed over into a desolate and barren place. A place that you can go through but can�t ever come back.
He had said, �I�m going to kill you like your mom was killed. I�m going to finish what that man did to you.� The man, of course, is Rod&ney Lin*coln, and he slashed my Renee�s throat. Oh, yeah, that�s someone I�d want to emulate. What a winner. He wants to be just like a man that slashed a four-year-old kid�s throat.
When Terry went there, he solidified his place in hell in my mind. I knew that no matter what ever happened, I�d have nothing to do with him. I told our entire family what a weasel he was. I felt like this man had no sensitivity to what happened to us. I felt that if he really cared about Renee like he said then he would�ve never even considered saying something that heinous.
But he did. So, I gave my sister an ultimatum, which ultimately fell flat. She took him back, for a little while. She tried to give him a chance to have a family, and work, and to be a good guy.
I don�t know why she did it, but she even said she�d made up her mind long ago that she was going to give him another chance. I can�t believe she did, but then, I understand that love makes you do stupid and dangerous things sometimes. Most of us have a limit though, and Renee doesn�t.
�What is it with me and men?� She asked me last night.
�You think a guy doesn�t love you if he doesn�t cause a lot of drama in your life. It�s due to a lifetime of being treated like crap by men. You�ve been conditioned to be a victim.� I also added that it�s time to break away from that conditioning.
So, in December Terry got out of jail. Terry was a good boy for a little while. I think I was giving him too much credit because I gues-stimated to Melinda that I�d give him until April before the honeymoon was over and he would hit her.
Pig boy couldn�t even last that long. A month ago he yanked her by her hair and held her down in the floor because she told him he needed to pay his own bills and help with the rent.
Later he shoved her onto the couch and held her by her neck because she got mad at him for cursing at her kids.
She became suicidal. When she told me this, I was so upset because I know exactly where she�s coming from. I told her I�d been there in September, and that you can�t listen to that voice. You got to want to live for your kids.
A few weeks ago he hid in her carport and ambushed her, and then he threatened her again, so she had him removed from the property. Terry immediately commenced stalking her. Threatening obscene phone calls, slow deliberate drive-by�s, phone call�s at work. Nothing is off limits to him.
He tried to get my address from her a few months ago. She wouldn�t give it to him. Thanks for the foresight, sis.
Last night Renee was going on 33 hours without sleep. She�s afraid to sleep.
This is so scary for me.
After I got off the phone, I called Melinda and filled her in.
I called Kansas and talked to my cousin Angie to see if she could find my Dad. Renee wanted to see if Dad could come stay with her for a while. I�m waiting to hear back from him.
I hate this guy. If he came to my front door tomorrow I�d have no problem burying a hatchet in his head. No one has the right to terrorize my sister and her kids. This could cause deep psychological harm for her kids and her.
I hate that pig. I hate him. I want to beat him up real good. See, if you�re afraid of him he pounces on you. But if you�re not afraid he hates you. He hates me because my little bit of fear is intermingled with intense anger and hatred. I don�t fear him. I want to hurt him. I think he gets that. Thank God I don�t live in Tennessee because I�d probably be in jail for hurting that redneck bastard.
09:16 - Tuesday, Feb. 24, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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