Lilith73 asked for us to send in to her a testimony to love, what it's done for us, etc. It's to comfort her family in a time of loss. So, I sent this:
I was once, the unlovable. I was a loud, crass, obnoxious woman who thought that a little bit of brutal honesty could cure anything.
I was once a person who couldn�t be held to anything she said, who couldn�t be accountable for any of her own actions, who couldn�t take responsibility for her behavior.
Early in my life I was told I�d never be able to have children because of a tragic attack I suffered at a young age. At first I was somewhat relieved because I was too busy �doing my thing� to be bothered.
Eventually though, I came to be lonely and my arms ached to hold someone special.
I felt invisible until I had my daughter. She was truly a miracle. She was such a huge blessing, so wanted and needed. I was healed in my heart. And when she came, I�ve told her this many times, I didn�t feel lonely anymore. I felt special and lovable, and wanted.
And the sun shined in my world for the first time in many years. My heart welled and swelled with love, and my eyes shed tears of joy. That was the first time I ever cried tears of joy.
Having my daughter Jackie made up for every sad and bad thing I�d ever experienced in my life. It no longer mattered what people thought about me. The only thing that mattered was Jackie.
And because I�m her mother I no longer thirst and want for superficial things, band aids which temporarily mask the pain, I only want for my daughter�s safety and happiness.
When I tell her I hope that her children are just like her, I say it with a smile, because she is wonderful and sweet.
I have gone from being the hollow outcast to being a whole loving person. I look back at my life and see the spiritual death I�d experienced, and then I see my spiritual rebirth that coincided with Jackie�s birth. I think, I am the luckiest woman in the world. Being Jackie�s mother has made up for every sad time in my life.
Jackie makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to be a better Christian; she makes me want to reach out in love to other people in their time of need. My daughter will do anything to help a friend in need. I�m so proud to be her mom.
In the movie, �Steel Magnolia�s�, Julia Roberts says to her mother, �I�d rather have a little bit of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.�
Before my daughter, the statement didn�t really register.
After my daughter I knew that it was true. I�ve had my little bit of something special and if I were to die tomorrow, I�d carry that special love with me for eternity.
14:52 - Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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