I cannot escape it. I now know that whenever Mr. Sweatpants and I embark on a road trip, we will always get lost and we will argue at some point. On the return trip, we will be apologetic and contrite. We will hug and say we're sorry. It's kinda funny.
We rented a Malibu from Enterprise for this trip. Nice car. The driver's side is a little weird, meaning, it's kind of hard to get comfortable. But if you're a passenger or in the backseat you will be very satisfied. I know this because when I was driving I kept changing positions, but when I was a passenger, I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.
On the way down to Kansas Mr. Sweatpants remembered that he had forgotten his map. Mr. Sweet and Funny turned into Mr. Crabby and Brooding.
As we neared Kansas City I told him we needed to stop so I could call my cousin to let her know we were nigh. I also thought he could go in and ask for directions to Leavenworth.
Where did he stop in KC? This nice little area where all the shops have bars on the windows and every open space is covered by gang symbols. NICE! Oh yes, I want to stop in this area now! Hurry now!
I tried to call my cousin but the calls wouldn't connect even though I prayed and said five Hail Mary's while watching all these thugged out cars pull up to this place. Finally, I got back in the car. Mr. Sweatpants went into the liquor store for directions while I held my breath in the car and prayed I wouldn't be carjacked.
This was the kind of place where you stop at a red light and they steal your tires right out from under you.
Finally, he came back out. It was 10:00 p.m. I was mad. Last time we got in Leavenworth at 11:30 p.m. and my cousin had to wait up, only for us to get lost on the way. We got lost again. He kept muttering, "I hope we're going the right way." And I kept encouraging him to stop and ask again for directions. The last time we came and this happened, we ended up staying that night at the Holiday Inn Express because we were late.
Well, this time, we also got there at 11:30 p.m. We got to Leavenworth and stopped at a 7-11 next to the Holiday Inn. My cousin was still up, and she came to get us in 5 minutes.
My cousin Shayne and his wife Sara came to meet us too.
Angie, my cousin, has not only met Mr. Right (his name is Bob), but has also moved into this immaculate gorgeous ranch-style home in the burbs. I believe this house has 5 bedrooms and 3 full bathrooms. A huge kitchen, a huge dining room, a humongous living room, a huge basement and even a basement den. It is gorgeous. What I love about her house is that it's got tons of windows, so natural light shines in everywhere.
We woke up Saturday to 6 inches of snow. Holy crap. We spent Saturday sitting around and talking while the kids played outside in the snow. Angie and I later made a trip to the 7-11 to get firewood. We also snuck a giant hot dog and wolfed it down. Mr. Bob is Mr. Healthy-eater and would deem our choice to be fattening. We didn't tell him.
Barbara, Angie's sister, volunteered to watch the Jackie and Caleb while we went to a dinner party Saturday night. I got Jackie ready by packing her bag with crayons and coloring books. She was a bit reluctant to go, I understood that because she has this separation anxiety about being away from me. I explained that we were going to be five minutes away and that if she got really upset that Barbara would call me and I'd come to get her right away. I also explained that Barbara is Mommy's family and that she wouldn't let nothing happen to Jackie. Jackie seemed satisfied with that.
Angie and I dropped the kids off at Barbara's and went back to get Bob. He really likes to be on time, and we were late. He might've been miffed, but he kept it to himself.
Angie and Bob go really well together. They are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and are really mushy, but it's not irritating. She has two boys from her previous relationships that are 14 and 7. The boys really like Bob. Jackie adored Bob because he gave her attention and horsed around with her.
Bob is pretty unique. He's blond haired and blue eyed. He is 41, has two sisters and his family is originally from California. He's a construction worker who writes poetry and plays guitar. He's pretty opinionated but it comes across in a way that's easy to digest.
For instance, my cousins wanted a Mary Kay makeover. Mary Kay encourages women to come up with a signature look. My signature look is a dramatic eye and pale lip.
Before the dinner party, I give Angie and Sara dramatic (natural colors of course) eyes and nude lips. It really is a quite stunning look if I say so myself. Pale browns on the lid and brow, chocalate in the crease of the eye, a peachy-brown cheek and of course my nude lip. They both looked really beautiful. I did tell the ladies that for day, it is just as well to wear two light neutrals on the eyes and get the color from the eyeliner.
Bob saw Angie and said she looked in so many words, like a hooker. I know this because I came upstairs after their makeovers and I heard her saying "You know you like it" and him laughing and saying "fine, fine, I like it".
Later, I noticed that some of the eyemakeup was missing from Angie's eyes, but every person has a taste in what they like in makeup, and I wouldn't force my way on Angie.
That night, we were invited to the sophisticated dinner party at Bob's sister's house. It really was sort of an elaborate affair. Bob's sister Peg made the best seafood spread that I've had in years. Scallops the size of donut holes, 4 inch long shrimp, black beans and cajun rice and roast beef in a merlot sauce. It was delicious. After we ate dinner, we were all standing around chatting and Bob suddenly says out of the blue, "I'm sorry. That makeup was too dark. I wanted to say, "Here, can I give you a dollar.."
I guess he was saying she looked like a hooker. However, it is Kansas and it seems most women don't wear much makeup around there. I'm a city girl. I love my color. I was irritated for a moment because makeup is my specialty, not his. I wouldn't criticize any of his work as a poet or musician so I would expect him not to criticize me. In the end, I know he's entitled to his opinion (as wrong as it was, ha ha) and I let it go. I guess the way he said it came across as saying "it's just my opinion, but" so I wasn't mad for long.
Sunday I woke up to the wonderful news that they'd caught Saddam Hussein. I was so thrilled that I cried. Now all they have to do is get Osama Your Mama. I told Mr. Sweatpants that they ought to nail his boys to a board and have him walk around with a board between his legs forever.
My cousin Angie made an awesome breakfast. She's so domestic, I'm so not. Biscuits and gravy, eggs, bacon and hashbrowns. I sat across from my Aunt Sophie and we talked for, I kid you not, pretty much from 9 a.m. till 3:00 p.m. I'm glad I'm not alone.
People in dad's family can talk. And it's not forced or uncomfortable. We all just have a lot to say and a lot of opinions. I heard some pretty crazy stories about my dad.
I also found out that my 89 year old Grandma in Tennesse recently went to jail for a day. Seems she went into the Valley (she's a Tennessee mountain woman) and bought some personal items. The stupid teenager gave her the wrong change and wouldn't give her what she was owed. So, Granma went out to her truck and got her rifle. Nice as pie, she went back into the shop and shot holes in the roof.
Without a word, she left and went home.
A warrant went our for her arrest. The sherrif came to her door and she went and got another rifle. This time, she shot out the deputy's tires. I about peed my pants laughing.
I guess the charges where dropped. Granma takes crotchety to a new level.
I told Mr. Sweatpants that we had to leave Leavenworth at 3:30 p.m. so we could get back into St. Louis at a decent time. I hate driving in the dark. He met us at the 7-11 at 3:45. Many hugs and kisses later, Jackie, Mr. Sweatpants and I head back home.
I asked Rene' how his weekend with his Mom went. (They live in Kansas City). They had a very nice time. Of course he went and ran because the day wouldn't be the same if he didn't sweat 5 buckets running.
We talked a good while and Jackie fell asleep. I guess a weekend full of playing with her cousin Caleb tired her out.
In Fayettville we pulled over to get some KFC and switched so I could drive. I did really well until I went to pass a semi. I had a panic attack. It was awful. When I have a panic attack, everything closes around me, my heartbeat is in my head, and I can't breathe. It's awful but Rene' talked me through it. I was really relieved. Until before I knew it, we were crossing a covered bridge over the Missouri River. This was an bad panic attack, worse than the semi. I had to fight not to pull over. This was horrible.
Rene' talked me through this one too. Thank God for him.
We got back into St. Louis around 8:30 p.m. There was an awful accident on 55 that had the entire highway closed off, but even with being stuck in that one, we got home about 8:41 p.m. I was so glad we didn't leave Kansas at 6:00 p.m. like we did the last time.
That was hell.
09:25 - Monday, Dec. 15, 2003
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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