FYI: I wasn�t depressed this morning when I wrote the purse piece. It was just something I thought could explain the way I see myself.
�The ones with the biggest smiles, the loudest laughter, are the ones who hurt the most�and have known the greatest sorrows�.
Unknown
Actually, I just made it up. But it�s true! Just call me the Poet Laureate of Lemay.
Have you ever wondered what hell is like? Let me tell you that I think it is supposedly annual Geoffrey the Giraffe�s party at Toys R Us. I�d rather have a jalapeno enema then do that again.
This saga begins when we were at Toys R Us a week ago. I think Jackie and I were looking for Wonka bars. She had watched Willy Wonka for the 9th time and I made the mistake of telling her they were actually real. We had to go get one. I didn�t mind doing that.
So, we went to Toys R Us. But the stock lady told me that they had (expired!!!) and that they were no longer selling them. On the way out, we were accosted by Plastic Smile Ken who handed Jackie 9 cards. Blonde hair waiving in the breeze, baby blue�s flashing and dimples dimpling, he told her that they were having a birthday bash for Geoffrey the Giraffe next Saturday. She was so excited and asked me if we could go.
Knowing what I know now, I believe it was unethical the way they presented the situation. First on the cards, in person, and on TV, they inferred there was gonna be this big blowout birthday parade (I�m imagining outside in the parking lot) and bash. That Geoffrey was gonna be there, and that there were gonna be prizes for the kids. Of course, Jackie didn�t forget it the entire week and drove me friggin banana�s asking me when we were going to go. So, of course, I planned on it.
Saturday dawns and I am agrog. I guess what I mean is, 10 hours of sleep wasn�t enough. But knowing that Sunday was reserved for Gera�s daughter�s birthday party, I planned to do all our errands and such, and Geoffrey�s party too, on Saturday.
I was exhausted and didn�t feel good. From the time I opened one eyelid Jackie was talking about Geoffrey. I shushed her up and slowly fumbled my way into jeans and an Army green sweater hoodie.
We were hungry, but McButthole�s, and Hardon�s weren�t serving breakfast anymore. Geez, it was only 11:00 a.m. We drove around for a while, and I finally grabbed Jackie a cheeseburger meal. I was having a hard time really perking up.
We decided to go grocery shopping first. Boy, was I not in the mood! The parking lot was so full I thought I was gonna have to take a shuttle bus to the front door of Shop and Snot.
Intuitively, I knew Jackie had to pee. Why? Jackie always has to pee when I�m on a mission. So, we went into Walgreens, which was right next door. We p-breaked, we shopped for cards (for birfdays) and left. I don�t know about y�all but does anyone else hate crowds? Seems like every dum-dum in Lemay came out to Shop and Snot that day.
Jackie was mad because it took an hour to shop. I happen to believe in sales and also in price per oz (when I�m coherent enough to do so) and I�m on a budget. $110.00 later we left. I think I could�ve saved a small tree by not shopping that day.
I was really pooped now. The last thing I wanted to do was immerse myself in a crowd full of loud, snotty-nosed, obnoxious children and their doting parents. I didn�t want to hear drums, tubas or crashing symbols. I really didn�t want confetti in my hair either.
But I told my kid I was gonna do it, so I resolved to make the best of it and get it over with. Steeling myself, I drove into the parking lot, fully expecting to see a crowd and all sorts of fanfare.
Nothing. Just a sign in the window that it was Geoffrey�s birthday sale. By now I was pissed. It was obvious that this was a "take your kids to a toy store-I dare you- and come out alive" stunt. I wanted to leave but Jackie had her heart set on meeting G. In the commercials on TV he was talking to the kids, etc and they said it was not a typical birthday because instead of G getting presents, that our kids would!
We couldn�t stay long because we had groceries in the trunk, but I thought it wouldn�t be necessary to stay long because she could color her picture, participate in the parade, and meet Geoffrey the Giraffe. Not so.
To make a long story short, I made 3, count em 3, trips to that store that day. The �parade� was five kids with paper hats on, walking around the entire store banging instruments and singing. The �prizes� were a 5-cent whistle. My favorite, we found out on the 3rd trip, my daughter was heartbroken to learn G was in �New York�. She actually teared up then. I felt so bad that I wanted to punch someone in the cheek. It worked though. I ended up buying a gift for one of Jackie�s classmates that�s having a birthday party. But we left very upset, because we�d been lied to.
How can they do that to kids? I wouldn�t have minded even paying for Jackie to attend something. But don�t mislead kids: that�s just wrong.
I feel a lot better lately. I can�t put my finger on it but I�m starting to realize just how disconnected I was sometimes from the world. I made light of everything, which is a great coping mechanism. But after a while, I ran out of funny things to say and I had to start being real.
The funniest people I ever knew had the most tragic circumstances in their background. I didn�t know this until much later of course, because I really believed the happy face they put on.
Most of my life I also have put a happy face on for others because I was unfortunately saddled with �she�s the normal/strong one�. By the way, if you have kids, don�t ever do that one because it�s huge pressure, and it�s unfair because you don�t feel entitled to your feelings. I didn�t want to be strong anymore and when the sadness started coming out, I think it was disconcerting for people that had always known me as a comedienne, joker, and prankster.
My friend Rene� came over Saturday night. I was exhausted from the Saturday from hell. I told him that since I�ve been on these meds it�s the first time I haven�t been depressed since APRIL. And while the side effects of this medicine (slower speech, confusion) are bad, I�d rather be on this medicine than not. I actually wanted to kick the bucket, you know?
Did anyone watch Twelve Mile Road last night? Lemme tell you sumpin: if that girl Dolce were my daughter, she would be walking around with one of my shoes stickin out of her ass, because she would not pull half that crap, because I have taught my daughter that it�s okay to be mad, but it�s not okay to be destructive or disrespectful.
It�s called, consequences, honey and I assure you that none of my adopted parents would�ve ever put up with that crap. No wonder she�s a brat. But I like the show.
I was manic this weekend. I think that I�ll be glad to get back up to 2.5 mg of Zyprexa. I spent $400.00 on stuff. It was stuff I needed, but not all at once.
I can�t believe it. My gerbils had 14 babies. I�m going to die. I had another dream I flushed them. I would never do that to an animal, but I�m overwhelmed because I don�t want any more critters. I don�t know what to do with them.
I�m just trying to take care of Jackie and me right now. I am better, but it�s a process and it will probably be a long time before I�m really well. I might smile for you if you�re lucky.
1:04 p.m. - 2003-09-29
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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