Yesterday, I felt hopeless, and today, I'm pretty okay with things. Weird how much 2.5 mg of medicine can change your outlook.
Funny story: A few days ago, when the depression was at it's worst, I sent my kid to school in a dress so short that her panties were peeking out and saying hi to the whole world.
Now, let me clarify that the dress, when I bought it, was in fact almost to her knees and quite adorable. It's fushia with these deep blues and purples on it, with a flirty hem.
What I didn't know was that you weren't supposed to wash it. I know this now because I read the label after Jackie told me the story of why she was in Tory's dress. Tory is her friend.
Anyway, I read the label and it says, "Machine wash cold on gentle cycle, line dry". Um, how often do you hear that you can wash and dry children's clothes? Whatever. I need to write my congressman over this.
All I know is my daughter looked adorable that morning, and that afternoon she got off the bus in what looked to be a sleeveless orange mumu.
We get home, and she tells me that at Tory's house that morning, Tory's brother Bubba noticed that Jackie had on pink leapard panties. Jackie's like, "How'd ya know I got those on?"
And she goes to the mirror, turns around and what does she see? Pink leapard panties. So that's how she ends up in the orange mumu.
I'm mad.
I know my entry yesterday was pretty depressing. I was very depressed yesterday. It got really bad this week.
But I was able to go pick up my medicine (thank God for insurance)last night.
You know, I was really afraid to take these pills. Zyprexa has somewhat of a reputation among it's bipolar/manic depressive users. It's either really good or really bad.
Side effects are somewhat bothersome. The only thing I've noticed is that it does in fact, even at this low dosage, make you extremely tired.
I took mine at 7:30 p.m. I was eating one of the Southwestern Chicken salads from Jack in the box. The medicine must've kicked in, because all of the sudden I had this very WEIRD sensation. It reminded me of the time someone had put some kind of drug in my drink at the club. I can't describe it, but it was like a rush of something in my head all at once and it made me actually put my food down and be still.
I started to get a little scared, so I called my sister and ended up talking to her husband for a bit until I was convinced I was okay.
I think this will help me with my insomnia..I was ready for bed at 9:30 p.m. and that rarely happens. In fact, I had to repeatedly tell Jackie to be quiet because I was falling asleep and couldn't listen to her.
I do feel more "even" today. I don't know the right words, but I do know I haven't experienced any anxiety or depression since I took the medicine.
It's nice to have a reprieve from grief and sadness. I guess I'm just a little worried that someday I might not feel at all.
I don't want to be joyless but I don't want to be extremely emotional anymore either.
We'll see.
12:42 p.m. - 2003-09-19
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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