Tired: very tired. My eyes are tired from crying. A lot going on. It�s now another Friday and I do not yet have these DNA results. It�s not just me that�s having a hard time, it�s my entire family. And people that tell me I shouldn�t let it bother me need to understand that this is not an issue of personal power. It�s an issue of something you have no control of repeatedly smacking you in the head for the last 21 years when you least expect it. You get tired.
Maybe people should understand I am also the family spokesperson. Most of my family is not educated, nor do they understand the justice system. They are also intimidated by people with an education. So, not only am I the victim, I am also the mouthpiece of our family.
It should be over soon.
I get irritated when people who have not been in the exact situation you have try to tell you how to feel. Emotions are not really a science. I�m doing good to just not be a friggin nutcase�so don�t tell me how to feel. Victim advocates get very irritated with people that think they know everything there is to know about everything and try to tell you how to feel. That�s silly.
Why must some folks insist on always being right? That crap drives me nuts. I hope that it will change, that his person will someday understand he doesn�t always have to come off as such a hardass. He doesn�t always have to blow his top to intimidate other people.
Maybe just once he could understand someone else�s point of view instead of just seeing his own.
I try very hard to be a good person. That said, sometimes in this endeavor I do things that are well-intentioned but misguided anyway.
I also have a few triggers that cause me to react in an aggressive way. That may be mysterious to some, but again, they don�t know me. A few things I can�t stand: people that abuse children, people that are bullies and misogynists. I have my reasons
I have a neighbor named Ahmad. He is probably not a bad person. In my heart I know this. However, because of my job I have been taught that I am not to trust people from certain countries, nor am I to associate with them in any way.
I also have issues with aggressive men.
Ahmad is from Bosnia. He has a wife and two children. They are a pretty modern couple in my opinion. Even though they�ve seen awful thing in their lifetimes..they are pretty settled here.
His wife is an assertive woman to other people, but she is more demure in his presence. Well, that�s just the way they are.
Out of my training, I have not associated myself with Ahmad or his wife. Our children play together but that�s the extent of any contact. Ahmad has a son that�s not too keen on other kids. I guess he wants to play but he�s a little rough. And sometimes he starts fights, but when the other kids react, he runs back to dad or mom and makes it out to be that he was the object of aggression. Not the aggressor.
Now, the children where I live mostly play together. It�s a group of 10 or so. They happen to like coming over to my house because I give them a drink. If they are hurt I will help them. Whatever. These children fight sometimes, and a few times I�ve told any one of them that the behavior they are exhibiting is not acceptable and they need to be nice. I�ve known these kids for a year and a half.
Because my daughter is outside, I will sit and watch her and the other kids. I don�t let her play outside by herself. If Ahmad or his wife would watch the kids play, they might see the little kindness the other kids show him. Sharing bikes, drinks, Popsicle�s, food�playing together happily. He thinks all the kids pick on Sanan because all her ever hears is �so and so hit me�. He doesn�t hear about the nice things and he�s not outside to see it and neither is his wife.
None of the kids are angels including mine. Most of the time they are a rowdy bunch. The only time I saw really impressive behavior was Jackie�s welcome back party a month ago. I had 10 of those kids in my house, they followed my rules, and they were helpful. When it was time to eat and watch a movie, I didn�t have to yell. None of the adults (my family and friends) were inconvenienced by incessant chatter or fighting. I told them I was proud of them for getting along and listening so well.
I love the kids.
Many of these kids have been taught that when there is trouble, you go to the nearest adult. I was sitting outside yesterday talking to my new neighbor Romy, and minding my own business. The kids came tearing up to my apartment on their bikes.
�Missy, Ahmad is going after Jazmin� and a minute later Jazmin was on my grass, and the kids had clustered around to where they felt safe, which was with sane adults.
Ahmad came walking up, a look of consternation on his face. I heard some talking, something about �American girl� and of course Jazmin had to get ghetto on him and say, �I know he ain�t talking about me.�
I asked what had happened. She said Sanan had run over her foot on purpose and she had pushed him back. Well, in fact, she had pushed him off his bike after he ran over her foot. Maybe that was a little too hard, but he had hurt her and this was not the first time.
I remember many times before this sitting outside watching the kids play and seeing Sanan do the same things to other kids, making them run home in tears. At the most, they�d threaten to knock him out. I�d tell them to knock it off and get along.
I�ve seen him hit Rory in the head with a basketball.
I�ve seen him cause other kids to wreck on their bikes 5 times.
I saw him shove Kiani off his bike, and another time, he cut Kiani off and made him have a wreck. Because of this Sanan also had a wreck. And he leaped off his bike and went and stood right over Kiani, yelling at him for being �stupid�. Kiani is four. Sanan is six. I said, because it was right in front of my apartment, for Sanan to go play while I checked to see if Kiani had any abrasions (he did) and I cleaned him up. Sanan said, �I don�t have to listen to you!� I said, �You really caused this little boy to get hurt. If you�re are going to be mean then you need to go back home� meanwhile this little kid is screaming in pain. It was a big abrasion. I felt sorry for him, so I was helping him up. Sanan said, �I�m gonna go tell my dad you�re being mean to me,� I looked up at him and said, �You know what? Go get your dad. And I�ll make sure I tell Kiani�s dad to be waiting for him.�
Sanan didn�t tell his dad I guess.
Also, I�ve seen him push my daughter down in the dirt because she said Hi to him.
I�ve seen him push other kids and call them names.
I�ve seen the kids take up for themselves too. Unfortunately, Sanan has hit that wall of tolerance here and people are tired of being hit on.
Most of the parents I know in that neighborhood have a rule of no hitting. I know that for sure. I admit we also make an exception when talking to the parents doesn�t work, nicely asking them to play nice doesn�t work, and being a noticeable adult presence doesn�t work. It�s called, �Knock them the hell out� and it works like this.
You wait till nobody�s looking and you hit them back. Jackie�s only hit Sanan once. He hasn�t bothered her again. They�re friends now and they play together. Not bad.
Ahmad, in the past, has had a problem with believing that his son could be anything but the victim. And he�s come down more than once on the other kids. What I�d like to see is the parents of both children getting together and talking about what we can do to prevent it again.
I don�t know if anyone can think that far ahead.
Ahmad and I have had words many times. I don�t like aggressive men and he doesn�t like bossy American women.
He told his son yesterday, �Play with your own kind,� and that disturbed both Romy and I because I�d never tell Jackie to only play with white people. That's racist! I think he was just frustrated. Romy spent a lot of item telling me how frustrated Ahmad is. This I understand, because I too am pretty frustrated in my own life. However, I don�t go around thinking my daughter is a perfect little cherub and every other kids is just jealous and hates her. I know Jackie can be a little turd with other kids, I�ve heard her say a few things that I was pretty upset with. I talked to her about it, and then I asked her to talk to her friend about why she said it and to tell them that she�ll try hard not to do it again.
I�ve seen her hit other kids with her bike. I�ve seen some pretty bad behavior on occasion. There are consequences. But I don�t have people coming to me every day complaining that my child is hurting their kids.
In Ahmad�s defense, he apologized to Romy, who passed it to me. I don�t hate him because he�s from Bosnia. I appreciated that he said sorry. That was big for him.
I just don�t like his �superior� attitude. I don�t like his blatant blindness to his son�s behavior. I don�t want him to think I�m a terrible mean person. I do want him to know however that I will not stand there and let him mistreat someone who can't defend themselves. It would be perfectly acceptable for him to slowly or at least semi-calmly approach the child and ask them what happened. Instead, he has the steamroller demeanor and he stomps over, and overwhelms the kid with curse words, screaming and flailing arms. I mean, what kid would want to listen to somebody like that?
I think he knows this now. I won�t back down. You do not threaten children in my presence. You may speak with them. You may question them. However you don�t curse at them and get in their face.
I myself will respectfully keep my distance, and maybe next time something like that happens, I�ll tell the children they can use my phone to call their parents, or they can go get their mom or dad. I suffer when I get that mad. I also think the parents need to be aware of what�s happening to their kids. It�s unfortunate they don�t know because they�re not outside with them.
11:42 a.m. - 2003-08-22
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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