I heard from an old friend today. Well, two old friends. Lana who I was friends with from 9th grade on, and my friend Riker. I knew Riker socially from 9th until college, but didn�t get to know him until after High School Graduation. We had classes together, like yearbook, and school newspaper. I think I was just intimidated by his quietness. And I believe someone in our class told me he didn�t like me and that I was a witch, or something that rhymes with it. However that was a vague memory after we started hanging out. He was really sweet. I don�t think he ever said anything like that in the first place.
Lana was very popular freshman year on. I wasn�t. I remember being the girl who had the long black and big hair. I wore all black all the time, and my favorite accessories were skull and crossbones earrings. I believe that year I had went through something profound emotionally and I was in mourning.
I remember wearing blue jeans, black boots and a fringed black suede jacket to school. I wasn�t Melissa. I was the girl �who always wears black.� That is so original, but it was high school, so I probably shouldn�t have expected anything more ingenious than that.
Even though I had this persona, Lana always talked to me. I secretly wished to have long straight blonde hair, like her. I longed to look adorable in �prep� clothes. She was always so happy, so sweet and she had this loud, sparkling laugh. She wasn�t prejudiced or stuck up, she was just Lana.
Riker and I were becoming aquatinted also.
Well at the end of 9th grade I met this guy Nick in this creative writing class. He was a football jock with dark curly hair that spent most of his class time nodding off. It was sort of cute. I was in a struggle though because he was the anti-me. Athletic, popular and preppy.
I don�t really remember how we started talking, but I believe it was after school one day. Pretty soon, we were going to the park, the movies, driving everywhere, making out like crazy.
He asked me out. Nick was to be my first love. He was a lot of first everything�s. I truly loved him.
We spent the summer camping, fishing and taking float trips. By this time I was living with my sister Melinda. It hadn�t worked out with my Uncle and Aunt, but Nick was very protective and very supportive. I felt like I could do anything as long as we were together.
He was the opposite of what I had known in men most of my life. He wasn�t abusive, he wasn�t mean and he was an intellectual equal who wasn�t threatened by a smart woman.
That last fall, he was a senior and I was a sophomore. Lana and I ended up in class together again, and this time, we had something in common. I was also dating a football player. I think at this time she was a cheerleader/pom-pom, I really don�t remember.
The little bells going off in my head still reminded that she was now definitely an anti-me, but the bells weren�t so loud anymore. And since she really didn�t care about my clique, I stopped caring about hers too. We spent the entire year talking.
I became a jock�s girlfriend, which entails all sorts of new status�people talk to you that never had the time of day for you before. Newfound respect is achieved overnight. I proudly wore his jacket every day�and in addition to my old friends, Maggie, Storm and Lana, I made new ones.
In 1992, Nick graduated, and I believe that�s when we started growing apart. In the fall I became a senior who was pretty occupied with all the activities that it entails when you are soon to graduate. He was on the job market and going to school.
Lana and I were pretty close now, and we spent a lot of time going to the movies, shopping and going on double dates with our double doo-doo head boyfriends.
After a while, we didn�t have much in common anymore. I finally had a home with Maggie and her mom. I had stability and family. I felt like I was loved and accepted. I truly believe Nick didn�t feel like I needed him anymore. He�d spent so much time rescuing me from my bad home lives, bad situations, bad feelings..he even sheltered me from reality.
That�s when he turned to by best friend Storm. They spent six months hiding it from us. My best friend and my boyfriend of 3 � years were screwing around and I was so blind I didn�t see it. By the time I did, they were unapologetic about admitting they had a deep friendship.
He took her virginity at 19. He hit her. He became an abusive alcoholic. It was awful..I lost my best friend and my boyfriend the same year.
By now I was in Jr. college. Lana was there too..We started hanging out again, going to Frat parties, and hanging out in the Central West End End. I even took her to a few clubs, I seem to remember.
I feel really awful, because after the year and a half in college, I became somewhat preoccupied with partying. Dana didn�t hear from me again for a while. I was too screwed up.
During this time I met Riker again. We met up at a bar in East St. Louis. It was weird because I hadn�t seen him since high school and we weren�t really close. But we became that way. I was embarrassed for him to see me that way, and yet, I though I had finally become who I was meant to be. Do I have to come out and say what I thought I was?
Anyway, Riker wrote me today and I was pleasantly surprised. I�m always happy to hear from my old friends.
We have a ten-year reunion coming up in November. I debated even going to it because I wasn�t really close with anybody except Dana. We are now catching up on everything.
Riker has a little boy now too with this really badass name. We�ll call him Marius, but it�s much cooler than that. Anyway, we�ll be meeting up soon to catch up on everything.
*****************************************************
You know that my sleep mask broke earlier in the week. Did I mention that I cried like a baby at the thought of calling those people up again and telling them that I broke another $300.00 piece? But I got brave and left Seraphim Charlie a message on Monday night.
Seraphim Charlie is my sleep technician. Have I mentioned he�s a dream? He�s a dream because not only is he adorable but he�s also a spiritual person. Spirituality is important to me, especially in a man because these men usually live by the golden rule. Treat others as you want to be treated. Too bad Charlie�s married. Because when he smiles that 1000 watt smile, nothing is wrong with the world for at least a few minutes.
Anyway, I had to go see Charlie yesterday to get the new mask. As usual, Mr. Sweatpants drove. Sorry, I hate driving in West County so he volunteers to drive. I didn�t know it was �make Missy suffer� day.
Doesn�t everyone know it�s hot in St. Louis? Check the weather.
�Hey, Rene� it�s about 100 degrees outside. Can you turn on the air?�
�Oh Missy,� he says while gesturing at the panel, �my tank is low. I need to get gas before I turn on the air.� He�s talking like it�s on E but it�s actually over � of a tank. We are ten minutes from our destination, and he drives one of those weenie Trackers. But alas, I do not complain because when someone is doing something nice for you don�t get all picky. But after 15 minutes in 100-degree heat, while wearing black pants and a elbow length shirt, you care less about being nice.
Thankfully, our destination is nigh. I tell him to go to the bank and fill up his tank while I�m with Charlie. His tan face lights up and the thought of getting 3 tasks done at once. He likes it. He happily waves as I slink to the front door where air conditioning awaits.
Ah, it�s wonderful to be in the cool air.
Charlie and I do our thing, him telling me that the breaks in my mask are most likely caused by a sleep behavior (and it�s not my fault) and he cheerfully and sweetly (like Mother Theresa) fits me and dispenses a new one to me. Have I mentioned he has a cherubic countenance? He glows! And while I cannot see it, I know there�s a halo too. Sigh.
I come out, still high, 15 minutes later. I do not see Rene�. I am patient. I sit in the grass and wait for him. Even though my eyebrows are sweating, I do not get crabby. Because I know we�ll have air soon.
He drives up 10 minutes later and I hop in. He informs me he got to the bank but not to the gas station because he couldn�t get over. Stupid West County drivers.
Eventually, on the way back to work, I see a Shell gas station. I excite, because I know this means we will have air back on. I steam in the car while he fills up his tank, flirts with the (obviously fake) blonde cashier with the huge hooters.
When he comes back out he says, �Mind if I wash my windows?� I say, �No sweetie. Do your thing�. I flip down the visor to see that my bangs look like pubic hair. They are curled up against my forehead like they�re scared. I�m mad now. I will never let no one cut my bangs again! Irritated I flip the visor back up. Now Re� is done cleaning the windshield. Finally, we are moving.
I excite now because I�m knowing any minute now, we will have air. Though his fingers are not moving toward the console, I know they intend to and soon will do so, and my knees, scalp and boobs will cease sweating.
Instead, we are now stuck in rush hour traffic. I can see on the ground next to the car that somebody made a bank transaction and took out $120.00. The paper flies away as a fast moving Buick Lesabre flies by.
I look up in time to see a bird drop dead out of the sky and hit the ground next to the highway. Poor baby. I know how you feel.
Finally, after about 20 minutes in traffic, I say, �Re� I know you�re probably okay with being hot, but I�m not.� As if on cue, the DJ on the radio says, �It�s 4:45 p.m. and it�s 110 degrees out there. Stay cool!� and I look at Rene�, who looks like he�s just fine with being hot.
He says, �Missy, I think I�m going to wear out the AC if I use it all the time��.and I�m pissed because he just bought that car a year ago. But I don�t say anything except, �If you don�t use it you really can�t wear it out� but he doesn�t hear me.
Finally we are back at work. I grab my mask and hop into my car with the AC on full blast as soon as I get in. I feel nauseous and weak. I�m very mad. But, I smile and wave and Rene� because I knew his heart was in the right place. Next time we take my car though.
Hey it�s 115 degrees outside today. Yep, I feel great about it. Maybe, just maybe, we can kill all the grass that I planted last summer. I mean, I�ve been watering it, but it needs real rainwater.
I hate my job right now. I�m grateful to have the money but it�s sapping the life out of me.
Darwin had a heart attack. I heard that they didn�t go through with the divorce now. It must be because Sam is a pit bull. She can smell fear and death. She probably thinks he�s going to die and that if she�s not married to him she can�t get whatever was in the will for her. Wench. I heard she�s dutifully at his side right now and ignoring her boyfriend.
2:40 p.m. - 2003-08-21
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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