I'm sleepy today, but it's Friday. Yay!
My ex-husband is such a buttlicker. As of yesterday I still didn't have my child support. Hello, I'm a nice person but I didn't go making the new baby, kapeech?
For some reason, I guess he thinks that because he and the little Corn miraculously copulated and made a baby that that excludes him from any responsibility toward his firstborn.
It makes me want to scream.
I'm so sick of his crap.
Bitch bitch bitch!!!!!!!
I have electricity today but I'm blessed in that area but not many others...very sleepy. I don't think the sleep mask is working anymore. Sigh...
Darwin and Sam are divorcing. I can't even summon up a brief sadness.
That skank gets on my nerves.
How can she, with a straight face, assist a grown man to cheat on his pregant wife, come to the door and ask for said lover, wait for wife to mysteriously die, then take over her home and for the next 3 years punish her family for being born?
I guess she doesn't know what Karma is.
A little bit of news: Remember them: Darwin and Sam? If you know the story, go back. If not, let me refresh your memory.
When I was seven, and all those really bad things happened (See �That House in the Alley� entry), my mother�s 27 year old sister Rachel wanted to take me and my sister Renee. To do this, she married a man-unit who could be a real tool but he was necessary. She needed to be married to get us. So, they wed.
Fast forward past the only happy times in my childhood, which was a matter of about 5 years.
It�s September 1987, and I�m 12, Renee is 9. We come home from school, and Aunt Rachel is suddenly in a coma. She�s had a cerebral hemorrhage. Darwin pulls her off the life support a day later, and insists on no autopsy. We have the funeral. I am devastated.
The next happenings still cause me to be torn about what I feel about Darwin. Less than a month after Aunt Rachel died, he married Sam, a 24-year-old unemployed and uneducated Czechoslovakian Hoosier. Mind you he was a 44 year old former marine and now a transplanted White Mississipian with count 'em, seven grown children. He had been cheating on Rachel with her while still married and while Rachel was pregnant with their 2nd child!
On September the 6th Rachel was buried, and on October the 9th, the same year, Pam and He got married in our living room.
Charming. Darwin was a sucker for young women. I hope he�s learned something�
The next 3 years were filled with pure hell. Up until then I�d had a relationship with �Dad� as I called him. He wasn�t very loving but I knew he loved me. I had always been intimidated by him because of his gruffness and now I was uneasy and afraid of him. I sensed a change in our relationship and the way that we spoke to one another.
You would think with a new nubile wife, he�d be preoccupied with more carnal matters, but that�s when the slow progression of abuse toward Renee and I began.
While we had Aunt Rachel to buffer things before, now, he could just beat us, whip us, punch and slap us for no reason. It was usually egged on by Sam, whose eyes lit up when he was aggravated with us, and she would always prod him to punish us more severely. I never connected her arrival in our lives with the beginning on hundreds of subsequent beatings.
I was so confused.
I thought he loved me. I wasn�t his big girl anymore. I was now the stupid brown-haired one in glasses.
But who I really hated was her.
She was supposed to be our new mom. Our new step-mom, whatever. She barged into our lives in a time of grief and took over. I remember thinking, �Oh, Aunt Rachel is not going to like that!� and then remember that she wasn�t coming back.
Over the years, for the sake of being close to someone, who was a parental figure, I have tried to carve out a respectful relationship with Darwin. However at my every attempt Sam has stopped it. Either by insinuating Dad was horribly wrong in the way he treated Renee and I (duh, I know that;she didn�t have to state the obvious), or Sam�d go the opposite and just imply Renee and I were never going to be close to him nor were we ever going to be anybody because our family is Poor (gasp) and we come from a long line of poor people, so we couldn�t expect to have a good life.
She has torn me down at every opportunity: by reminding me I�m fat, and divorced (but it�s okay to have skin that resembles the surface of the moon). By implying that she�s better than me. Oh, but you�re superior because you�ve spent 15 years leeching off my uncle, who worked, like, 16 hour days since I was a kid. You didn�t work but you wanted brand new houses and brand new cars. Oh, and she preferred Renee and I to never get new clothes, never use hairspray and never shave our legs. However it�s okay to have new things all the time for her.
I was 15 when I left and I still wasn�t allowed to shave my legs up until then.
It infuriated me that I remember so many times she�d harp on the fact that she �gave up her career� to take care of four bratty kids. Um. The years between 18-24 should�ve been sufficient time for you to get a college education, but wait, you were too busy sleeping around and being unemployed! Hello, I saw the career she �missed� when I visited a few years ago. Yeah, she was working at a dollar store. Whoo!
The last attempt I made at reconciliation with �Dad� was in 2000. I went to stay with them right after I got out of the military. I loved my Dad, and wanted to start over. But before I was there for 3 weeks, Pam had snooped through my trash, read my email, sent back mail I had received (because she felt I didn�t �need� those items) and had listened in on my telephone conversations.
She also used racist language around my daughter, and had made fun of Mexicans. I am some sort of minority (my �real� dad says Blackfoot Indian and some Spanish blood) and it was offensive to me that she felt free, as an Aryan woman, to make fun of me. I felt like any moment, I�d see a bunch of hooded and robed morons march up into the yard for some good old-fashioned cross burning.
I hated it.
I felt so isolated being a city girl and moving from Jacksonville Florida to Tennessee. If you sat on their back porch all you could see was corn and wheat fields. I was depressed; I missed my friends and missed my life. I was in a demeaning position of staying with family until I bought a house or found a place to rent.
I never got that far though because one day, she insulted me. It�s a long story but it ended up with me throwing a bottle of Dr. Pepper at her head, and calling Darwin, and packing everything I owned. I didn�t know where I was going or what I was going to do, but my baby and me got on a greyhound bus and left Tennessee and Sam�s influence.
It was hell to get on my feet this way, which is the hard way. I knew before I got out that leaving military life is hard and it�s a big change of life. I wasn�t prepared for the loneliness.
Every so often, after getting back here and getting on my feet, I�ve noticed that I still miss Darwin. I would call and write him and he never got my letters or messages. Seems Sam was jealous.
Now they are divorcing. I am thrilled. That�s right, today they went to divorce court.
I do not ever want to see that woman again.
I just hate her. She tried to ruin my life.
2:36 p.m. - 2003-08-15
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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