I�m droopy today. I don�t know; I guess all this crap with Rodn*ey Lin*coln coming up has forced me to put things in perspective. I�m just not excitable about certain things anymore.
I mean, my Grandma�s newfound dementia has been wearing on my nerves.
My family�s decision to not go to the Circuit Attorney�s office aggravated me.
My depression is tiring me.
My daughter�s health is another sore point.
My lack of romantic life is sad.
I just don�t carry these things with me all day anymore.
I�m not surprised Rene� still doesn�t want to marry.
I�m not surprised Mr. National Security didn�t keep in touch.
I�m not surprised that my entire family has chosen to move to Rolla Missouri in a year and a half.
I�m not surprised to know I�ll be alone again.
Now, I am surprised that Christina Aguilara does wear underwear, that �Queer Eye for the Straight Guy� is watched by heterosexual men, that Anna Nicole Smith is not seen as the all out diva by every drag queen�I mean, I�m not jaded. Some things still do cause me to stop and pause.
I am surprised that some people would side with a celebrity just because and not believe it if he victimizes somebody. After all, most celebrities think they�re god and can get anything they want.
I am surprised that some Neanderthal would put out the victim�s name.
I am surprised that some morons think the accuser as well as the accused should be outed. Um, hello, the reporting of rapes is already low, let�s make it to where no victim will want to report it. I think the only time that any one should be outed as if they blatantly made it up or tried to extort money. Until that comes out, I don�t think it�s anyone�s business who the victim is.
If you�ve ever been raped, you would know it�s really hard to come forward. Because people want to blame you, and not the person who forced themselves upon you.
I am SURPRISED at how sick people are nowadays.
**********************************************************
Mr. Sweatpants called me today. He told me that he�s on his lunch hour from his Master�s Degree Geological Studies, blah, class. We talked about my hair, which has magically become shorter by 8 (2 cut off last night) inches, and we talked about my broken sleep mask. Also discussed was my absolute frustration with my job right now, and the fact is that things will never EVER NEVER EVER be finished around here. Not completely anyway. By the time you get used to one change, another is in the works. When procedures stay the same around here for more than like, one hour, I�ll know something is amiss.
I miss Rene�. He, Mr. Sweatpants, has not been around me for more than an hour since, uh, Saturday, but before that it was April 24th. We took a road trip. We fought for 3 hours. It was touching. He hates the music I listen to, but hell, 5 hours of elevator style jazz is wonderful!
I don�t know if he�s having a midlife crisis or what, but he�s really distanced himself. Now, the immature Missy would believe that Rene� might be cheating. Since we�re not really together, it wouldn�t be cheating anyway. But, he�s mine in my heart.
However, appearances aside I have spied on him (I admit it) and he�s doing nothing more scandalous than building Lego high-rises with his Godson Jude. I think he believes if he misses one day with his 10-year-old godson, then the kid might forget him. Please.
You know, I love my daughter. She is a mini-Goddess. I love and adore her. The truth told though is that I�m not always basking in her cute-ness. There are days when I need me time. Time to pluck my eyebrows, time to shave my legs. Time to read a really long article in Jane magazine. I need time alone to pick my nose, whatever.
Rene� though, doesn�t seem to need time away from anyone but me, which makes me think he has an emotional allergy to my affection. People treat him bad, he�s right up their wazoo. You�re nice to him, he runs. I�m confused.
Anyway, Mr. Sweatpants and I are on the phone today. He says brightly, �We ought to go to the movies sometime! That would be fun.�
He�s also been known to say:
�We ought to take a trip to New Orleans/Chicago/Florida/Tennessee,� or �We ought to go to the Science Center/Arch/Botanical Garden/Grant�s Farm,� or even might say, �maybe someday we�ll get married/have babies/mate occasionally..� You get my drift.
Someday has come and gone and I�m rapidly aging here because I know in my heart that someday will never come. I will have to have babies with some other guy.
I just don�t depend on �someday�s�.
I remind him that the last movie we went to was �The Rules of Attraction� which in my opinion tanked royally and I got up and left. He was mad because he paid for the tickets and even if the movie stank he was gonna sit through it. I won.
That movie was our very first movie, and unfortunately, our last. We don�t go. Something always happens. Rene� is never on time. I don�t make plans with him anymore because of his inability to conform to time schedules.
Then he says, �I love you Missy. I really miss you too,� which was sweet when we were dating but now it just sounds trite. If you really missed me you�d come around more often. I think he�s just used to people wanting him around for money. That�s disgusting to me, but folks do it anyway.
3:26 p.m. - 2003-08-05
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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