That phrase cracks me up. I don't remember where I heard it before but to a bipolar person..it's sort of funny.
I just finished reading "Magical Thinking" by Augusten Burroughs. I think if you had a screwed up childhood like we did...you would find his experiences to be right on par with your own. I think the average person reading it would not identify with some of the things he's done or why he did it or even his lack of emotion about the consequences of his actions, but I get it.
I admit though there were a few areas in the book where I was shocked a bit at his behavior..but I understand why he did what he did.
When life hands you a big pile of shit and tells you this is your life..you either make fertilizer or you wallow in the shit. I went back and forth between both. Now I choose to make fertilizer, but I used to wallow.
I still have pity parties but I find myself trying to make the best of what I've been given. I realize now at the ripe age of 32 that I cannot undo the serious damage done to me in the most formative years of my life. I realize that being "normal" is something I can aspire to but realistically...it's sort of unreachable. I am a sum of my experiences.
I look back at the people in my life who had a negative impact on it and I just hope that they someday realize what they did to me. But most of them are narcissists anyway so this might not happen. I have confronted the big offenders (the guy who killed my mom, the Uncle/Dad who molested and abused me) but a few got away before I could ever tell them what assholes they were.
It was always my nature to make peace and make nice until a couple of years ago. Then I entered into "I am woman, hear me roar" stage and I confronted those two men. I wrote letters to both and I let them know that they weren't worthy to lick my shoe much less take up another moment of my happiness. The killer..I went to his parole hearing and ruined his chances for release by discussing every dirty, nasty, mean, heinous heartless thing he did to me, my sister and my mother the night he changed our lives forever.
There are a few other people I'd like to confront..but first I'd have to find them and nah..it's not really worth my time.
I'm finding that I am angry at a lot of people who have come into my life at some point or another. I am angry at being betrayed, denied and lied to.
Such is life.
6:58 pm - April 07, 2007
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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