I've been updating a lot lately, sometimes multiple times a day, so check the prior entry...
I forgot to mention David's doctor reduced his Lithium dose. I am glad he did because I have always felt that he was on too much Lithium and it made him a zombie. As it is, he sleeps 10-12 hours a day. His doctor feels the Abilify and Lamictal is doing it's thing, so I'm glad.
David had sort of a relapse about a week ago. It was horrible to watch. He got into it with Jackie and I had to make her go to her room so I could read HIM the riot act. And I did. I yelled at him that this is "MY HOUSE" and we do not threaten to hurt ourselves over fights with others. He was threatening to hurt himself. Maybe it is because I have experience with suicide that I get so angry about this..and because I have been suicidal at times myself, I got mad that he would even consider hurting himself.
He was really, really upset. When Dave gets like that, you have to make him look you in the eye. It sort of grounds you..or him. Whatever. It brings him back to reality.
He said he was going outside. I followed him. He acted like he was going to walk away. I wouldn't let him. I finally got him back in the house and he sat down at the table, and he began crying and sobbing, like his heart was broken. I sort of feel that whatever I said to him hurt his feelings or made him feel bad, because he told me he wanted to "check myself in", which I figured out he wanted to commit himself to a mental facility. I felt like at that moment he felt like he could not deal. I finally got him to take his medicine, but we had already called his parents. He calmed down, and he and Jackie apologized to each other. His dad drove up and Dave went home with his parents for the night.
The next day, I went to pick him up as soon as Jackie and I were dressed, and he looked at me like he was surprised that I came to get him. I mean, is he that used to people abandoning him when he gets symptomatic? I guess so.
The next day, his mother sent me this beautiful card. It made me cry, it was so wonderful and supportive. Sort of like a thanks for loving her son.
Jackie expressed to me that she gets sad for Dave sometimes. She knows that his illness is a disability and she has backed off a lot on making fun of him for being an airhead or taking things really personal. She has learned a lot too..and I am proud of her.
Jackie is growing up so fast. She got a Barnes and Noble gift card for her birthday so yesterday she and I went to see what we could find for $20.00. First, I love that store. If there was one any closer I'd be there all the time. As it is, this place is like a 15 minute drive. But it was worth it.
We looked at a lot of books but in the end, my baby ending up at the Tween section where they sell Tiger Beat magazines, and other magazines geared towards kids Jackie's age. She bought 3. Did you know these magazines have posters in them, like when we were kids? She is in heaven and is plotting where to put the 8 posters she got with the magazines.
Jackie got a little carsick yesterday on the way back from B & N. She was reading me info about Dylan and Cole Sprouse and Mylie Cyrus and Emily Osment and I guess that made her a little sick. I heard a lot of what she said, but I guess I had a "my kid is growing up" moment when I realized she was buying magazines like that. Only my magazines had Rick Astley, Tiffany, Madonna, New Kids on the Block and members of Def Leppard on their covers. I didn't even know they still made "Tiger Beat".
I work crappy hours the next few days. I'll see Jackie for a grand total of 1 hour until Wednesday. I work tonight from 4 to 2:30 a.m. and Tuesday night from 4 to 10:30 p.m. Wednesday I go back to day hours (hopefully).
Friday we get paid and do you know it is already gone? The cable is shut off and we have got to pay the electric bill. Is it a rumor or did Ameren UE really raise everyone's bill fifty bucks or more a month? All I know is..we have not been consuming that much energy and yet my bill is $165.00. What crap.
Jackie has been dragging her mattress into our bedroom at night. This is only temporary, as something has her spooked and she only feels safe with me and Dave.
Of course, last night Jackie was sleepwalking and walked into our room when me and Dave were getting it on. She was speaking a lot of gibberish (thank God he had a blanket over us) and I told her to go get back in bed.
The door closed, so we "ahem" completed the dirty deed. Only then did Dave get up to go pee and we see Jackie passed out on the floor.
This morning I asked her if she saw or heard anything that bothered her or she had questions about. She looked at me funny, like, what are you talking about?
She told me I worry too much.
That's funny coming from her.
I was mortified. What if she DID see something? Well..at least I can count on one thing. Tonight she will consult her "It's Perfectly Normal" book about what she saw, if she saw anything.
MORTIFIED, I tell you.
8:33 am - March 26, 2007
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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