I feel Lisa and I are pretty close to being kaputs. That sucks.
It is pretty obvious that our friendship has run its course. Her life has changed so much..and I no longer feel like I fit in anywhere. It seems like the only person she has time for anymore is her friend D..and I'm pretty much sick and tired of wondering if she's ever going to call me.
As it is..she forgot to show up and bring her son, Jackie's best friend, to Jackie's birthday party. You know..I can let it go when she bypasses my birthday, which she did, but not Jackie's.
I haven't talked to her since that day..the 3rd of this month...when I IM'd her and asked her if she was coming.
She's going with D to Mexico in a month..that kind of makes me sad. We've never had any kind of road trip together and now she's taking off to Mexico for 7 days with D. In her defense, Lisa has had her hands full with the twins and she needs a break.
I was talking to Rene' today and we mused over the fact that we are still friends after 17 years. I sort have begun to think of him as my best friend. I always thought Lisa was mine but she told me back in October that she doesn't "rank" her friends. Yet now she calls D her best friend. It kind of hurts my feelings because I have been through hell and back with her and have been there for her for 4 years and suddenly D comes back into her life and you'd swear Moses came down in a chariot the way she was warmly recieved. I thought of looking at D for signs of the Stigmata since she was so "AWESOME".
I love Rene' a lot and our friendship is without the constraints I had with Lisa. Rene' doesn't require that I constantly be at his side...just as long as I'm here when he really needs me..and I ALWAYS am. He can count on me. Same for me. I don't need to see Rene' every week, it helps we work at the same place..just as long as he's there when I need a shoulder or a hug.
At this point in my life I'm wondering if I'll ever have a close female friend again. I used to tell Lisa everything and now...I don't tell her anything really. Just the highlights..very hit and miss. I spent more time talking to Rene' today than I have to Lisa in three weeks.
I'm at the point in my life when I realize it's just better that I let it die now..than to try and drag it out and make it be something it's not. So I don't think I'll call her anymore..nor email her..and just hope that she does it the same way I am..the humane way. It seems she does not have the need to have me around or talk to me so why else even be friends? I'm not going to be the one she runs to when D pisses her off, which is quite often..and be like..an afterthought.
Other than that..my life is good right now. There's a few leads on promising jobs..so I am happy.
David and I are doing well. I am perfectly happy with him when I'm not around people that don't like him because they prefer to think he's mentally retarded instead of just Bipolar. I get around them and I see the looks and the rolling of the eyes and the long drawn out exhale and I find myelf looking at him through their eyes..and that makes me angry.
He's just..different. I guess that pisses people off. That I'm with someone different instead of everyone's ideal of a perfect guy.
Jackie is her same hormonal self. She has days where she loves me and days when she hates me. Same goes for the way she feels about David. She threw a shoe at him last week and hit him hard. I applaud him for not losing it..but he did get pissed. I would've been pissed too. He wanted to throw away her shoe but I convinced him that was fiscally not a good idea.
Things are pretty hectic around here. I'm always going, going, going and I stay tired. David helps out all he can but we all know..a woman's work is never done. Jackie doesn't want to do jack shit and that drives me nuts. She gets all huffy when I ask her to pick up her mess...like she's really got it so bad.
Well..I'm sleepy so I guess I should go. Much love.
Me
1:30 pm - March 09, 2007
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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