Wow�
Wow�
Wow�
David.
What a fantastic guy!!!!! Thoughtful, sweet, and considerate.
It�s been so long since I had a �real� boyfriend that I had forgotten really what it�s like. There are so many neat little things that go into having a relationship�cool things..and I�d forgotten it.
I�ve talked about before how I had a short courtship with my ex, Uranus�and I knew it was wrong from the day we started dating..all the way through..and to the very end�where we divorced 4 years later.
My other long term relationship..with my first boyfriend Nick..also 4 years�was a relationship where I thought everything was right the entire 4 years..up until the day I found out he cheated.
After those relationships�there was one other serious one�with Rene�..which doesn�t count because it was like dating a priest.
Other than that..I�ve just dated�a lot.
So..when I met Dave..and felt an immediate connection with him..and promptly moved him in with me (after first making sure he wasn�t a sex offender and didn�t have a police record) it wasn�t a big deal that I hadn�t known him long. This guy..this new �relationship� felt different to me than any one I�d ever had. I didn�t get any bad vibes. All systems were go.
Later..I found out from his mother he�d �NEVER� lived with a woman before!
The first two weeks..we had a few arguments. For me..that was pretty bad. Having not been in a �real� relationship for years..I wasn�t used to arguing with a guy. Spice it up with the fact David is a stubborn �Aries� and I�m an independent modern women..and you can compute that neither side would budge during these two arguments. The first one..I got so mad..I ended up in tears..and he felt horrible..and he hugged me..and I was okay. The 2nd one..we just weren�t seeing eye to eye on what constitutes �legal� and �illegal� downloading of movies and music..and the fact that I will NOT download either..and him not understanding why..well..it was just something that was not going to end if I didn�t walk away.
Those two arguments..I really did not think we had a chance. I tend to think the worst at moments like that..and I am the queen of walking away before I get hurt�I have a tendency to end things before I end up devastated..so my thinking was..well..it was good while it lasted.
But then..we get to the past few weeks�and things have progressively only gotten better. And what I�ve found out is..we make a good team. And we have great communication..and we are both passionate people..which is not a bad thing.
Things I love�having someone to talk to at all times (unless he�s dead to the world asleep..I know no one who sleeps like he does), hugs, kisses, holding hands..affection�crazy psychotic laughter (after all we�re both bipolar)�double innuendo�sitting on eBay together looking at stuff..perusing Napster for new tunes (since we love the same music..which is eerie) �watching movies�listening to music�
Things I have to get used to: the toilet lid being up�.him forgetting where the dirty clothes go..the fact he loses his phone/keys/credit cards on a daily basis�his occasional moodiness..oh..and the way he scares the crap out of me some nights. It goes like this..I am all comfy and wrapped up in blankets. I am laying on my side, leg over my leg pillow. My sleep mask is on. I am in a comfortable position. My breathing is steady. I�m drifting off into sleep and suddenly:
�WHAT�S WRONG, BABE!� loud as hell! I�m like �Dude..you don�t have to scare me like that. But nothing is wrong, really.� It�s touching that he cares if something is wrong..but he scares the crap out of me when he does that. Remember..I have not lived with a man (not counting hell-month with Rene� 3 years ago) in six years. I�m not used to living with a guy. I am getting used to it..but I haven�t completely gotten used to having a man in my house.
Now that I�ve mentioned Rene��I�ll mention I�m really pissed at him. He has not been to my house in over a month. I think..after discussing this at length with friends and family�.that he has issues with me being in relationship. I�d discuss it with him but he�s never available. Imagine that!
When I was just dating different guys..he was around all the time. Now that I have someone�he�s AWOL. I�m kind of pissed. I did talk to him on the phone Friday and he told me he met someone. Poor girl. I wish I could save her the time and tell her he doesn�t put out..nor will he ever commit..but it�s not something you would believe anyway until you experience it firsthand. I didn�t have a leg up..and I knew him for over a decade when we started dating.
Whatever. But I miss my friend. I really do love Rene��and I feel like we�re growing apart. Maybe this is supposed to happen..but it hurts. When you�ve known someone for 16 years..and they pull away from you..it hurts.
If I could trace it back to when our friendship hit the skids..I�d say..it was the day before the parole hearing..when he made me feel like crap..he made me cry..and we had argument after argument before the biggest day of my life. I sort of lost respect for him that day..and that was April 18th. Things have been downhill ever since.
As far as Lisa goes..I am sort of concerned about her. Things have been relatively quiet from her end..which is not like her..and I�m worried. I know I�ve not been there for her lately..and for that I totally blame myself. But I hope she knows I love her..and I�m here for her..and that she can call me, whenever she needs me.
She means so much to me�and I feel like she is fading from me..and that makes me incredibly sad.
I miss my daughter like crazy. It�s now been almost two weeks since I talked to her last. I�m getting irked with my ex�he never thinks of me..and he has not given Jackie a chance to call me. I am so angry with him. The selfish bastard.
I�m going to try again to call her tonight. I do not understand why he doesn�t just let her call me collect! What the hell!
Jerk.
I want her to come home now. But I can�t do that to her or her Dad. She only gets a certain amount of time with him every year. It would be selfish of me to ask him to cut that short. But I feel he is not respecting her or me by not giving her a chance to call me. Jackie and I are incredibly close..and I feel that by him not allowing her to call me..he is trying to sever that bond that she and I have. Maybe he�s not trying to do that..but I feel he is intentionally pushing us away from each other�and I hate him for that.
He is the most selfish person I know. Everything is about what makes him happy and what makes him feel good. I wonder if he ever thinks about what would make Jackie happy?
I wonder if she cries when she is alone? I miss her too.
I wonder if she thinks I don�t love her because we haven�t talked? I hope not. I adore that baby.
I just can�t imagine what she is thinking right now. Oh..I know she�s having fun..but there�s a sensitive girl in there..and if she�s feeling the least bit unwanted..unsure�she�s going to cry. I can�t even hold her right now.
I want to hold her..smell her..touch her..hug her�be with her. I love you Jackie. You will always be my beautiful, intelligent, sweet, giving, honest, precious daughter.
See you soon, okay?
Fourth of July ought to be interesting. I am meeting Dave�s grandma..and her �partner�. (it�s some guy that used to be married to someone she knew). We are also going out to my mom�s house..so we�ll be busy.
8:48 am - July 03, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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