I had a freaky scary dream, which explains why I'm up right now. It was colorful, and very real, and I was so damn scared.
I dreamed this guy had some information on me...and he told me that later that day, he'd be back to kill my daughter. He let me know in no uncertain words that it was going to be done.
What that information was that he had, I still don't know. I have nothing in my past worth hiding, I am an open book. But for some reason in the dream, I was terrified.
After he left, with a scary smile on his face, I packed a little bag with necessities in it. I held my daughter for a moment, and we got in the car and drove.
It seemed like we drove for a long time but Jackie was hungry. So we pulled over to eat. She also had to go to the bathroom.
We were downtown in some city. I realized at that moment we were in Buffalo, New York, by Matthew's apartment, right across the street. About that time, I also realized that somehow, that man had found us. I felt if we could just get across the street to Matthew's, we'd be safe. But when I saw one of this guy's cronies walking down the sidewalk to come in, I panicked.
I pulled Jackie out of her seat, and we ran out into the mall area. I was so frightened and so was Jackie. She did not know what was going on. I had no time to explain it to her.
We found some police officers to help us, or so we thought, but they were of no help.
So, Jackie and I snuck back out to our car. We got in the car and drove again, and this time, we ended up back in St. Louis. It was night. I tried to find a neighborhood to park in, where we'd be inconspicuous, until I could figure out what to do.
Parked on a side street, I saw the killer drive by. We scrunched down in the car, and he did not see us.
I woke up a few minutes ago.
I don't know what it all means, except that this is probably a symptom of the upcoming parole hearing. I haven't really had any really vivid dreams for a while, but this was very real.
There is a primal part of me that is very scared. So primal, that I didn't even feel it in waking life. It waited until I was asleep and vulnerable to show itself.
I'd kill for my daughter. If anyone tried to harm a hair on her beautiful little head, they'd be dead. That monster did vicious things to me when I was just a little younger than her, and the thought, the dream, of someone trying to harm her makes me really f***ing angry.
So, any analyzations?
8:48 am - April 14, 2006
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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