I am doing much better today. The inner turmoil seems to have slowed to a simmer, and I�m okay with that. Until now, it seemed like I was boiling inside. It has taken 12 days for me to begin feeling normal again.
Putting it in my diary seems tedious, but I have to get it all out. A lot of events have transpired since the article printed and I need a record of what happened.
First of all, everyone that�s come forward and told me they read the article has been nice and supportive.
Only one person came to a family member and asked about the possibility that I was wrong. I say, he was sitting on top of me when he was stabbing me. How could I forget his face?
I got a call from my Aunt on Monday that another article was printed last week. I was incredulous because I hadn�t been called or notified that anything else was coming out.
The article was about the motions being filed by his attorney and by the Assistant Circuit Attorney, Mr. Pistachio. Basically, even though the Justice Department did this DNA stuff almost two years ago and it was inconclusive, Mr. Linco*ln�s attorney believes that something can be gained by wasting tax-payer money to do it again. Mr. Pistachio says that nothing can be gained and they believe my testimony so it would be ludicrous to do it again, so they are trying to block it.
If the DNA is not Mr. Lincol*n�s, his attorney will move to have his client released.
Man, that really did something to my head. DNA wouldn�t prove he wasn�t there. After all, he was a career criminal, and was probably semi-aware of leaving evidence behind. On the other hand, if they did find his DNA, that would definitely prove he was there.
I�ve talked to Mr. Pistachio this week and he seems to feel that the judge will probably hear arguments. I�d like to be there for that.
I also talked to Mrs. Tocall, from Victim�s Services. She is an excellent source of comfort for me. I know she�s on my side. And she has a Master�s Degree in counseling. I talked to her for 30 minutes Halloween night.
She asked me something that made me feel relieved somehow. She said, �Melissa, how are YOU handling this?�
Well, the truth is, not very well. I feel like I�m holding my life together with safety pins. Not only is it affecting me, but it�s affecting my family. The worst is that it�s affecting my daughter.
So we shall turn our attention to my daughter.
Jackie, all her life, has known that a bad man took her Grandma�s life and tried to kill her mother and auntie. The reason I told her is that I�m heavily involved in victim�s rights events, and Jackie goes with me. She�d hear it sooner or later, and I�d rather it came from me.
Jackie has also known that the man is in jail where he�ll be staying. She has never been afraid of the world she lives in.
Up until now, of course. Jackie knows there�s going to be a new trial. She asked me point blank if Rodn*ey is going to get out. I cannot lie to her when she expects me to tell her the truth.
I told her that I didn�t know.
Since then, and since the article�s come out. Jackie�s behavior has become really frustrating. Not only is she extremely moody and cries a lot, but she bucks me at every opportunity. Now recently, she has begun checking the locks and doors at night.
This breaks my heart.
Worst of all, she will not talk to me about how she is feeling.
Add that to the fact that the paper published her name and birth date, which set off alarms in my head. When this stuff happened the last time, we had death threats. My favorite is the one where �we�ll finish what he started�. I am inclined to believe that not only is Rodn*ey�s kin as crazy as he is, but there are other crazy people out there who find this whole situation fascinating and stimulating. People who get off on this sort of thing.
People who might go after my kid.
So I talked to the people at the Y. They take care of Jackie before and after school. I condensed the whole situation as much as possible while still trying to impart to them the gravity of watching Jackie like a hawk.
Better safe than sorry.
I was understood and validated and then told to talk to Jackie�s guidance counselor and her principle.
I got a call from Jackie�s school on Monday. She is still having accidents, even while on the medication. She did really well the first month she was on it, but recently has had a few. Her guidance counselor listened as I talked not only about the case and the paper, but that kids were teasing Jackie mercilessly in her classroom and the situation wasn�t making it easy on Jackie to function and learn.
This crap has been going on since the beginning of the school year, and it�s about to stop.
When I picked Jackie up from school, there was envelope in her backpack with a number to call for free counseling. The part I didn�t like? That my compliance was going to be reported.
Then, yesterday afternoon, I finally got in touch with Jackie�s principle. We again talked about the situation and about the teasing Jackie is dealing with everyday. I asked that someone go in and talk to the class. I told him Jackie is under a lot of duress lately and the last thing she needs is to deal with crap at school.
Jackie is showing signs of depression, and I don�t like it at all.
Worst of all, even though I know it�s not Jackie�s fault that she�s acting this way, I still get extremely frustrated with her behavior. We snap at each other a lot.
Maybe counseling will help her out.
I would like the dysfunction in our relationship to go away. She�s the person I love the most in this world and she�s the last person I want to fight with.
There is something else�..
My dream my entire life has been to write a book based on what happened growing up. I have always wanted to share my story, even though it pains me to do so. I said I wanted the world to know what Rodn*ey did.
I have a friend at work whose cousin is a screenwriter out in Los Angeles. She asked me Monday if she could give him my information and a soft copy of the article.
Of course I said yes. I knew that my whole family was behind me. But I was wrong about one person. My sister Meli*nda.
I was talking to her daughter Melody on the phone the other night and I was so excited about possibly having this opportunity.
Do you know my niece told me that Melind*a would disown me? I was told that I could talk about my life but not about what happened to my mother.
Um. I was there when it happened. I�m the one fighting this deal now. I don�t think its right to tell me that I cannot talk about it. I am trying to be sensitive, but also, this is an opportunity to do what I think will ultimately heal my family.
Yes, while she wasn�t there that night, this happened to her too. But her way of dealing with it is to pretend it didn�t happen. Do you know she does not have a single picture or memento of my mother�s?
I wouldn�t make my mom look bad. I would let people know that there were certain things that could not be talked about.
But I am not going to be able to tell my story without talking about the beginning. The beginning being what happened in 1982.
There are other things I could say that would explain why she wouldn�t want it printed or published or produced as a movie, but I respect my sister�s privacy. Suffice it to say there would be some embarrassment about things Melinda�s dad did to my mother. It involves domestic abuse.
The thing is, this has been my dream. I finally have an opportunity to do what I�ve wanted to since I was a kid.
I would think she�d get over it.
I hope.
11:29 am - November 03, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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