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I usually don�t update two days in a row, but a lot has happened. I spent all of last night on the phone, so I�m sorry Angie; I still haven�t had a chance to call you..
In order of importance�I�ll discuss a situation with my sister Renee and my niece Leah.
Something, which I�m not at liberty to discuss, happened over the weekend involving my sister�s husband Tommy and Renee�s best friend. Tommy was taking said friend home from my nephew Logan�s birthday party. It was the sort of incident where it can be an innocent mistake or a blatant attempt to come on to Renee�s friend.
It was enough of an issue where I AGAIN recommended to my sister that she have the long overdue talk with her girls, who are 9 and 7 years old, about respecting their bodies and the fact that no one is allowed to touch them in a way that makes them feel funny or uncomfortable.
I�ve been pushing Renee for over 2 years to have this talk with her girls. A majority of sexual abuse either occurs in the family or in the circle of friends a family has. I am familiar with the statistics.
Everyone thinks it will not happen to their kids.
But I was pushing Renee. My sixth sense was perked up and something just kept telling me to make her have this conversation with her girls.
My daughter Jackie and I have been having this conversation since she was 4 years old. She is 8 now.
Yesterday, Renee FINALLY had this talk with the girls. I do not think she was prepared for what she learned. Kayla, the 9 year old, had said that no one had done this to her.
But Leah, 7 years old, ah, she is another story.
Supposedly there is an old man living close to Renee. Kayla doesn�t associate with the man, but I guess Leah supposedly looks up to him like a grandfather. Renee felt safe though because she lives in the country, Tennessee, and by her reasoning it was safe compared to the city.
She even let Leah go over there by herself.
I couldn�t believe that. But Renee admits herself that this is where she screwed up, because she trusts people.
Leah told Renee that the man was always rubbing her back, giving her candy and he had, on many occasions, stuck his hand inside her shorts.
I am physically ill at the thought.
Renee was incredulous that Leah had not told her. Renee gently probed into the matter and it seems Leah did not know to tell her mother. Renee also feels that the man may have told Leah not to tell.
Leah did mention that when she told the man �No�, he told her that he was going to keep on trying.
Renee was near hysterical when she called me. When she told me all of the stuff she�d found out from Leah, she almost had a heart attack.
�I don�t know if I should believe her,� She told me. First of all, the Leah I know couldn�t make up something so detailed!
�Oh YES! You should believe her,� I said. �Leah needs to know that she can always come to her Mommy with a problem. She also needs to know that you are going to stand up for her!�
Renee debated whether to call the police yesterday or wait until today. She has a friend on the police force that might be of some help.
I advised her to call the police right then.
She got off the phone.
I sat and thought about it for the rest of the night.
I was asleep for about 1-� hours when the phone rang. Groggily, I picked it up. Renee was on the other end, crying. She told me that her police friend had advised her to take Leah to the emergency room that night.
She also told me she talked with Leah further and when she asked Leah if the man had went just inside her shorts in the waistband, Leah replied that he went all the way down.
My stomach lurched.
�I can�t believe someone did this to one of my kids. She�s my baby!� Oh, my heart swelled. I could totally identify with it. No, as far as I know no one has touched my child inappropriately. But I was Leah�s age when I lost my innocence. I imagine what my mother would�ve felt about what Rodney did to us. We were her babies too.
I felt so bad for my sister and Leah. I pointed out a few good things to Renee. She had caught this early and has definitely stopped it from continuing and therefore progressing. Leah is still innocent and not worldly. There is still time for some damage control, i.e., counseling, talking with her mother.
I know this was, at that time, of small consequence to Renee. To her, a man had violated her child. Renee was devastated.
Renee was getting off the phone so that she could take Leah to the emergency room. I made her promise to call me at work today and let me know what�s going on.
If you know me in real life, can you please keep this to yourself? I don�t think our family needs to know about this right now. Thanks.
So, now I wait to find out what�s going on�
Then, on a different note, I talked to my Jackie last night on the phone. She sounds real good! I can�t wait to hold her�
But then I talked to her Dad.
First, he spent � an hour trying to convince me to move to Portland, Oregon. Yes, it is a healthier place for Jackie to be. But I cannot leave my home and move to a place where I don�t know a soul. It�s 2 hours from where Uranus lives, so he won�t be of much help.
It�s his home. Not mine. My home is St. Louis. I have family and friends here. I have a support network. I already have connections in the victim�s advocacy field.
I have a good job here.
I don�t want to burst his bubble. I know that he adores Jackie and misses her immensely. But I did not tell him to move back to Oregon. While we were divorcing and living in Jacksonville, Florida, he promised me he�d stay there and help me raise our child. Instead, a month after our divorce, he moved back to Oregon.
I have spent the last 8 years raising this child without his help. I like being a positive influence on Jackie. I like not having to deal with his strange thinking on an everyday basis.
I just like things the way they are. Yes, it is more difficult because I only get a break once a month when Cinders takes Jackie. But I don�t have to fight with Uranus on a daily basis.
When she�s nearing puberty, it might be another story.
But right now, I like our lives the way they are.
Then of course, he lectured me on ways to get money back when I do my taxes. He asked me how much I make a year (a major faux-pas, no?) and I undercut myself by about $11,000. It�s really none of his business what I make.
Still, he lectured me on what to claim with my taxes.
Then, he started talking about me going back to school. He told me about all the colleges they have up there. He really tried to sell it to me.
I understand why he so desperately wants to be in his daughter�s life. But he needs to understand why I have to make choices for me and Jackie, which are going to benefit us both.
I will not be happy if I move to Oregon.
Jackie will realize this. The family as a whole has to be a happy unit. I don�t see myself being happy in Oregon.
Then, he dropped a bomb on me. You know the fact that I�ve been watching the mail everyday for the child support?
One small detail�.it�s not coming! He has no job. He�s got his resume out there everywhere, but has had one small bite. An interview�
He can�t afford to send me August�s child support.
How can I be very mad? Even though I am a little..
I know what it�s like to be short on money. It�ll be tight. Somehow I have to get Jackie�s school supplies bought.
But I know he�ll eventually pay it back and get caught up.
On the other hand, I�ll be very broke for the next 6 days. I have twenty dollars today, and that has to last for 6 days.
I hate not having money, but I do understand the predicament he�s in.
I hate to admit it, but I get it.
8:57 am - July 19, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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