Pictures from Jackie�s birthday party:
Jackie and Lisa�s boy, Jacob: Best friends forever:
Picture of Jackie and me: 8th birthday party:
Isn�t she beautiful? Thanks to Lisa for the pictures!
The elusive Mr. Sweatpants. This man runs from marriage like other men run from the cops. Har har.
Me and Ms. Terry, who is like a mother to me:
************************************************************
I think I�m going to take my life story to Good Housekeeping and Redbook. Since the issues are still ongoing, I think it makes for good reading.
A bit of trepidation has been creeping up on me in regards to the case. I honestly do not know what�s going to happen in the coming months. What I am the most afraid of is that they would�ve printed up information from my diary to use against me. The thought of a million readers in St. Louis reading my profile on the net is unnerving. And who know, a hacker or two might try to get in. Who knows what they could do?
I guess I�ll have to eventually take that �nosy skanky ho� stuff out of my profile. It would reflect poorly on my cause and me.
Anyway�.
Friday night was Doug�s 30th birthday party at Caruso�s. Now Doug was always known in my diary as Mr. Moody, so I�m sorry if my switcheroo confused you. He�s Salsalita�s (Lisa) husband.
It was a great party. I didn�t know what to get him so I got him a $20.00 gift certificate for Pizza Hut. You can�t go wrong with pizza. We had a great time. As usual, I swiped Lisa�s camera and took some goofy pictures of myself. Everyone was there from her family. And his aunt and his brother showed up. How nice of his aunt to come.
It was over for us about 10:00.
I had a dream about my Grandma Friday night. Imagine a loved one who has passed on. Now imagine that you have died and are in heaven. Now imagine that you see that loved one for the first time in a while.
The feeling in your heart? That�s what I felt in my dream when I saw my Grandma. She was wearing a white shirt and white dress slacks. She looked young and vibrant.
I was so happy.
When I woke up Saturday I felt happy but didn�t know why. Slowly, the dream crept back into my mind. I feel like the dream is her way out reaching out to me and telling me she�s okay. The funny thing is..it�s the first time in my life I ever dreamed about my Grandma. I�m 30.
Last week I kept thinking about the last time I saw her. I�d been at her house for a couple of hours. I told her I had to go and she asked, �Can�t you just stay for a while?� and I told her �No, Grandma. I got to go do laundry and clean my house�� and she looked disappointed.
If I would�ve known that was the last time I�d see her alive, not only would I have stayed a while longer, I probably would�ve stayed all day and all night. I would�ve given her tons of hugs and kisses. I would�ve read the Bible to her. She loved that.
Because I loved her like that. My grandma was an awesome lady. She inspired me to be a better person.
Saturday, Jackie and I went running around to different stores. I was really excited to find a Tuesday Morning on Telegraph.
By the early afternoon, Jackie started coughing up a lot of crap and had hard time breathing.
So we went to Med-Stop Urgent Care center, where we proceeded to spend the next 3 hours. It took eons just to get a chest ex-ray. That was the longest I ever spent there.
Jackie has bronchitis. Joy.
Saturday night I was so exhausted that we went to bed pretty early.
Sunday we got up and went to church at Concord Trinity United Methodist Church. I really like that place. I�m not a fan of denominationalism, but that church rocks. I think Jackie and I will start going there again. We went a year ago, but around this time I started watching Dax, and I didn�t feel comfortable taking him to church when his mom was anti-church.
And then there was taking care of Grandma. I admit that I spent so much time on taking care of others that the last thing I wanted to do was go spend an hour in church.
But, I know that my faith in God got me through childhood. I�d like to give that to my daughter. She doesn�t have to go to church forever, but I�d like to give her a foundation for her life. My only request is that she not end up as a Mormon, because in my experience that is one oppressive religion. Especially for women. No thanks. I�m too much of a feminist to flourish in that type of religion. I don�t want Jackie to think her primary goal in life is to get married and have babies. I want her to feel she has a choice.
Enough said.
We went over to Lisa�s mom�s house for Easter dinner. It was nice to visit with her family.
But an hour after we got there, the smoke in the apartment got to Jackie and we had to leave. We went home, she took a couple of hits off her inhaler, and she was fine.
I talked on the phone to my niece Melody for an hour. And then Mr. Sweatpants called me. He�s doing volunteer work for the NCAAS tournament for the next few days in Kansas City.
We talked for over an hour. Somehow, the subject of my Grandma came up, and I spent a few minutes crying. Sometimes I think I�ve come to peace with her death, and other times, it feels like it never happened. Then, there are times that the feeling of loss is so great that I feel like my heart will break.
I�ll get over it someday. What makes me happy is to feel her with me. I totally feel like she is. I feel stronger than I ever have in my life.
Thanks Grandma, for everything.
9:40 am - March 28, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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