Last night I sent some stuff upstairs that Romy had lent me, like movies and some books and a dish or two. I felt there was no use hanging on to that stuff anyway.
I sent Romy an email this morning letting her know that if she wanted her stair stepper and bread machine back. I also told her I wished that we could do without the fake smiles.
She wrote me back this long diatribe. Some of it described my shortcomings; such as the fact she thinks I like to play victim and the fact that she is concerned for my daughter�s welfare.
Um, Jackie is fine. I think that one was a jab.
She also mentioned that Jackie turns away when she sees her.
Well, crap! Jackie is uncomfortable with the situation. She doesn�t know what to do when she�s around Romy. Romy is an adult and Jackie has been taught to respect adults. Jackie probably feels like I do. If I�m thinking bad thoughts about somebody, it�s better to just avoid them. I�ve taught her what being fake is, and she knows not to act like that.
It�s that simple.
She insinuated a lot of things in her email. That is so typical. What burns my butt is the fact that not only does she emit this signal of being all-knowing and far more intelligent than everyone else, she does not see her own character defects. She refuses to recognize that she�s got some major issues. However, she�s more than happy to point out mine.
I had to defend myself.
Here�s the email I sent her:
Romy,
Well, I'm about done with all of this. I cannot believe you told me that you did not discuss this with other people when in fact you yourself told me that you shared my email and the diary entry with other people. To me, that is discussing. I only bring that up because of your righteous indignation.
And Dax must've been told something; because he told Jackie that night she came up to your house that I was mad at you because you took Jackie out to eat. Not only is that not the truth, but it makes me look like a monster. I was angry because it was Mardi Gras weekend and I did not know where my daughter was for a couple of hours when I thought she was going right down the street. I think that, after much discussion amongst myself and mom, that I had a right to that. However, also see that you were just trying to do something nice. Will keep that in mind the next time this happens with other people.
As far as our situation, I do not hide things from Jackie, but I don't tell her everything either. I'm not the kind of parent who lets my child get worked up and overwrought over things she cannot control. I don't want Jackie to suffer from depression just because I worry about things. I do not tell her so much that she cannot keep from crying and becoming frantic. I do not do that to her. The world is a big, unfair and unfriendly place, but she doesn't need to know all of the whys right now.
She knows that I separated from you because I considered the situation tiring and emotionally draining. She knows it was nothing personal, but with a full time job, being a full time mom, taking care of a home and Grandma, that something had to give. It had to be you.
Her discomfort is a result of some of the ill feelings that she had been building for a long time. I cannot blame her if she is uncomfortable. What kid wouldn't be? I will not teach Jackie to censor her feelings.
If she turns away, it is because this is a strange situation from her. Kids do not have a lifetime of experience to draw upon when confronted with uncomfortable situations. I myself have been known to turn away from someone when I feel weird about a situation. She is just a little girl who's not quite sure how to act.
You should not have any concern for Jackie's well being. By all accounts from myself and family and friends, she is a well-rounded, artistic, intelligent and inquisitive child. I take her to the doctor and dentist frequently. She visits with family and friends on a regular basis. She is a pretty happy child. Even our house is cleaner and more organized. I make an effort on a daily basis to make our home a happy place for her. Yes, we have our moments, but we are close.
I too have chosen to discuss this situation with others. I am a discussing sort of person. I shared with my family and friends the whole situation. What I'm very sure of is that while some people would only sympathize with me, others did in fact sympathize with your plight. While you may think that it is you against the world, there are people, myself included, have seen your side of things.
I don't really care what goes on at our apartment complex. Yes, I chat with the neighbors and the apartment manager. But at the end of the day, we are all just people, all living in an apartment complex. I think if we just be pleasant then there's no harm done.
The private things you have told me will not go any further. Things shared in confidence will not reappear on someone else's lips down the road. While I may complain about things that happen, I do not violate confidence. We all have our weaknesses and fear seeing them exposed. You don't have to fear that.
While you imply that I have to think I'm a victim, I will remind you of my outlook on life. Even though it's handed me lemons, I've made lemonade. The present notwithstanding. I feel very blessed to even be alive. I'm generally a pretty happy person who likes to laugh a lot. I rarely am moved to tears. That is because I feel so darn lucky to be here. Life has been good to me. And I have made it here on my own. No one gave me a free ride. Most of all I remember that life owes me nothing.
I may have felt you took advantage of me. If that makes me a "posturing" victim, so be it. I am entitled to my feelings.
It's amazing, Romy. While it seems you think you have everything all figured out, I've realized that I really know nothing. That's not to say I'm dim or stupid. But I have an outlook on life that you do not.
Every moment is precious. Every moment spent in anger or worrying is time I'll never get back. So, I'm going to stop it right now.
It's not worth it.
I have my own life to live.
I hope we can be good neighbors. I don't wish you any ill will or harm.
Fair winds and following seas,
Melissa
Well, that was it.
I don�t know if she�s reading my notes on diaryland, which kind of bothers me. I don�t even know if she�s tried to access my journal yet.
She�s going to say �Password? What freakin password?� I had mentioned that I was going to leave it open. What was I thinking? Who would give an enemy access to their diary? Dumb me. But then I saw the light, and locked it up.
I slept great last night. I also had a dream last night that is freaking me out now. In my dream, I was getting married to my Uncle Jerry, and I was happy about it. I actually dreamed about the exchanging of the rings in the ceremony.
Weird.
Uncle Jerry by the way was someone that was engaged to my Aunt Rachel when I was 5 or 6. When I was 7 they split up, but he always remained close to my family and me. Even when he got married he came around still. I love him a lot, but that dream? Strange.
I looked it up on the net and the meaning from www.corsinet.com is:
MARRIAGE Dreaming of a marriage, or a wedding, is the sign of a death in the family. If the marriage was between strangers, then the death pertains to a not too close acquaintance or friend.
Oh, that�s not such a great feeling.
Jackie got 7 valentines from her classmates. I could not believe that. She�s got 25 students in her class and I come from the school where you give one to everyone in the class. Could not believe that.
I felt so bad. She was handing me the valentines and all of the sudden she stopped. I asked, �Where are the rest of them?�
She just sort of looked at me and said, �I think I got a few more in my backpack.�
But she looked, and she didn�t.
I felt so bad for her. Jackie is a sweet friendly little girl. I just do not get kids. My heart ached for her.
Okay family and friends. On Saturday, March 5th at 5:00 p.m., we are having cake and ice cream for Jackie�s birthday. You are invited! She�s spoiled rotten so don�t feel like you have to bring a gift. Just come and share some family time with she and I.
12:43 pm - February 16, 2005
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
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%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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