My sixth sense was working overtime this past week. Wednesday, I felt blah. Thursday, I felt really blah. I couldn�t put a finger on why I was sad and mad, I just was. That�s why I didn�t update; I didn�t have anything good to say.
Friday, something sad really did happen. I guess my mind was trying to tell me something all week.
I am so sad right now. At first I felt nothing but now I feel a lot of things: sadness, regret, and depressed.
Friday when I got home from work there was a note on the door from out new apartment manager. Our apartment manager had back surgery in January and will be out until April.
It read:
Dear Ms. D:
�Due to complaints about excessive barking and the fact that many residents are scared your dog will bite them, you are herby notified that you must remove the dog from the premises.�
I was shocked. First, there had not been any kind of warning about any complaints. Second, the dog had been wearing a muzzle for the last 4 weeks to protect Toby and other people because, as a stray, he wasn�t properly SOCIALIZED. Socialization is a long process. Third, my two neighbors (one who�s in a band and plays the drums and I don�t complain) liked my dog and petted and played with him on a regular basis so I don�t think they would�ve complained.
I knew deep down that I would not win if I engaged in a battle with this lady. I missed our much easier going apartment manager Sandy. Sandy is the type of person who will give you a warning if something is amiss.
Not this lady.
I knew what I had to do with Toby, but it didn�t make it any easier.
I felt numb. I went home and took Toby out of his kennel. He was hyper as usual, jumping all over me and barking because he was happy to see his human! I felt a deep twinge of sadness.
I calmly put his chain on so I could take him for a walk. While he was sniffing around, I mentally had a little talk with him about what was going to happen.
My heart hurt. We only had Toby for 6 weeks and suddenly we have to take him back because somebody was afraid, but who? Who would�ve been afraid enough to make a complaint that would surely result in the eviction of the dog? My dog hadn�t terrorized anybody. A part of me thinks malice might�ve had a role to play in this. After all, my dog had not bitten anybody. He might�ve barked at them at some time or another�.
Jackie got off the school bus crying. Crap. A little boy had yanked a charm off of her backpack.
When Jackie got in the car, I sighed and told her I had some bad news. Taking a deep breath, I told her we couldn�t keep Toby anymore and that he had to go back to the pound. She was rightfully so devastated.
I felt awful, like a failure. We had been doing so well with Toby, and he�d mellowed out a lot since we�d gotten him.
I think Toby sensed that this was going to happen. He cried the whole way there, as did Jackie. He loved car rides most of the time.
I just kept telling Jackie I was sorry, over and over. She�d say, �It�s okay, Mom. It�s not your fault,� but I couldn�t get over the guilt I felt.
We could�ve kept him for another couple of days, but I felt the goodbye would be long and drawn out. Jackie was really mad at me when she found that out. I guess I did what I thought was the least painful, I got it over with.
However, I look back now and think maybe we should�ve kept him for a couple more days. Would it have hurt to keep him the weekend? I just wanted to get the painful part over with my taking him back to the pound. I have a tendency to try to distance myself from things that cause me pain.
Sunday, maybe out of grief, I almost adopted a cat at PetSmart. I saw an adorable little one named Chloe, and she meowed at us and reached through the bars with her paws. Who can resist such cuteness? Not me. I�m a wimp.
Thank God for my friend Tony, who basically said �What the hell are you adopting a cat when you�re not over Toby yet?�
Thanks. She was right. When the Pet Adoption people called I explained what had happened with Toby. I was off the hook.
If it wasn�t for my medicine, I think I would�ve been genuinely distraught. My emotions must be muted right now. I feel so, down, out, sad, hopeless.
I feel like a failure. I feel like Toby was discriminated against because he wasn�t a pretty purebred like all the other residents have. He wasn�t bred to be sweet and likeable. He was a stray, and I loved him anyway.
I think we will take some time and mourn Toby before we go adopting another pet. Thank God for good friends who tell you the truth even if you don�t want to hear it at the time.
09:12 - Monday, Mar. 29, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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