I think my creativity is drying up a little. Usually I have so much to say. Lately, not so much. I�m in the in-between stages in a lot of areas in my life, and I feel like I�ve talked the subjects to death. Please excuse the lack of juicy information for a little while, okay?
I must say it was a cleansing experience to write that letter to my abusive uncle yesterday. I know it was �too much information� for some of you, but I�m hoping you�ll understand my need to put all those toxic feelings on paper. Those feelings have been simmering inside me for years.
I don�t know when I�m going to send it to him. Nic is out of the house already, having moved in with a friend. Sisal still lives there for another year or so, but she spends a majority of time at her girlfriend�s house and she works. I asked both girls if he ever touched them inappropriately, but both have told me no. They both said that he has not physically disciplined them ever, but he is still an emotionally abusive person, especially as you go through puberty. It�s like a switch is tripped in his brain as soon as you start becoming a woman. The only reason he doesn�t get physical and hit his own kids is because he�s a ripe old man.
I think when Sisal moves out I�ll probably send the letter. I want to make sure he thinks it will be okay to send her here.
Since Renee and I ran away in 1989, he�s not let my grandma see her grandkids Nic and Sisal. However, Nic eventually turned 18 and came to see Grandma and get to know our family. Sisal has a little more time until she�s 18 and she can come here then too, being an adult and all.
I look forward to the day when I can send that letter. I will probably never write a letter to Sam. It�s not worth my time.
She�s not family and she didn�t take care of me and Renee. We did everything for ourselves. Cooking, cleaning, whatever. She was only good for making Darwin mad at me and Renee.
I have a tension headache. I drove around looking for a parking space from 7:15 a.m. till 9:00 a.m. Then I drove toward home and stopped at a 7-11 gas station to call my boss. I couldn�t stop in just any neighborhoods because most between my work and home are bad places to be caught at any time of day. Plus, I�m paranoid. I knew that if I stopped in a bad area that instead of listening to my boss when I called him at the pay phone, I�d probably be praying not to get carjacked.
Because my day just wouldn�t be right unless something else was screwed up, the phone I called by boss on was very staticky and he could barely understand me. Oh, and of course it was the only pay phone.
Because I�m very late, I explained that I�m not dead; I just can�t find a parking space. I explained that I wanted to take leave without pay for the time I spent driving around the parking lot. He said we could work it out later.
I explained to more-than-patient boss that I couldn�t find a space. I could tell he possibly didn�t believe me. It happens. I told him I�d be in as soon as I could find a parking space.
I drove back to work cursing and swearing and just knowing I still would probably not find a space.
At 9:40 I found a space against the farthest perimeter from the front door. I�m glad God answered my fervent prayer for me to find a space so that I could go to work, so I should not complain even if it�s one of the few things I do well.
My right eye has been watering since I got to work this morning, so all the makeup on that eye is sort of smudged, giving me an Alice Cooper look. I am too sexy!
My eye won�t stop watering. At times I feel a great big tear trickling down my face, which could make people think I was crying about my job, which could make everyone uncomfortable.
Every time I wipe the tear away, it starts building up again. So, I decide to stop wiping it away. It still waters.
Why is my eye watering, and why did it happen the moment I walked in the front door?
Just when I was getting really annoyed my adorable coworker Jed, who looks like a farm-bred country boy, took the vacuum cleaner out of my toolkit. He then reversed the vacuum function so it blew out air instead. Then, he held it up to my watering eye.
It stopped the watering. I now have two dry eyes. Yay! I told him that men were good for something after all. I then mentioned the fact that he looks good and strong and like good breeding stock so he must�ve been raised on a farm. He says nothing, just beams his good looks and that toothy smile out to the rest of the world. He looks like a blond superman. It is his job to be smart and good looking. He is really pretty. His teeth are white and perfect.
He smirks when I say men should be �seen and not heard.�
He is really cute. Too bad he�s married. I don�t go for married men. Oh, well, I can dream.
In other news, at Christmas my daughter gave me a necklace and earrings set that she bought at Santa�s workshop at school. I feel terrible but I haven�t worn it yet. I�m a bad mom.
She gets very upset when she sees the still unopened box, but the truth is, and I tell her that, is that I didn�t want to break it, because I always get hung on things. It just happens. I always get snagged on something. I could get snagged on a nail sticking out all the way across the room, I tell you.
The fact that she picked out the earrings and necklace makes it very precious to me, but I�m not sure she believes that. Well, she told me the other day that she thought I didn�t like it. I felt so bad. What�s not to like? They�re gold colored and the pendant is a crucifix. She knows I love crosses.
I put the necklace and earrings on while she was playing at a friend�s house yesterday afternoon.
When she came home, I pointed to the necklace and she was so happy. She even kissed the crucifix. Six year olds are so strange sometimes.
I wore it for a couple of hours, but then the necklace felt like a choker after a while so I took it off. I left the earrings in.
I can�t wear fake earrings because they bother my ears, so now I have to take these off too because my ears are throbbing like crazy.
The things we do for our kids.
12:29 - Thursday, Jan. 29, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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