Well, I�m very tired today, even though I went to bed at 8:45 p.m. last night and got up at 06:25 a.m. The increase in Zyprexa will probably make me feel like this for the next few days or so. I�m just trying to get used to it. If I didn�t think that this medicine would help me, I wouldn�t take it. I just know I�m going to be a healthier person in the end, so whatever side effects there are, it�s worth it.
Have I mentioned I�m obsessive about checking my mail? If there�s nothing in it I assume it hasn�t come yet and I will later make a special trip back to check it again. I got a note in my mailbox yesterday that I had a package. I went down to the post office and the mailman wasn�t back yet. Poop! Now, I�m stuck wondering all day what kind of box it is. I signed a card saying he could leave it on my doorstep. Don�t you hate that? I�m wondering what�s in it. I can�t figure it out. I didn�t order anything. It�s past Christmas. I�m dying to know what�s in that box. I�m such a big kid sometimes.
I�ve been getting pain in weird areas of my body. Pain in my shoulder blades. Yesterday, I had these stabbing pains on the top of my left foot. Today I�m getting piercing pain in the palm of my left hand. Some kind of nerve spasms I think. I don�t know why I�m getting them but they suck.
Jackie and I watched �Cujo� the other night. One of the neighbors loaned it to her and told her it wasn�t that scary and that it was �a story about a dog.� Oh, my God. I had to fast forward through a lot of parts. I didn�t like that movie at all. Even though I�d read the book as a teenager I wasn�t prepared for the blood guts and gore in this movie. It was disgusting and disturbing, those two being stuck in a car for DAYS, in the sun, no food and water and a sick kid with a rabid dog trying to kill them. I hate gory movies. I will not watch bloody and gory movies. Call me weird but I don�t think gratuitous gore and homicide is entertainment. Might be because of what happened to me when I was a kid. The ultimate scary movie played out in my own house, and I was one of the victims. It sure takes the charm out of the shoot �em up movies out there.
You can hold it against me that I love bathroom humor and anything with Jim Carrey in it, except �Man on the Moon�. I didn�t like that flick at all, even though it was supposedly based on a Andy Koffman's true-life story. Blah.
One of my usually flirtatious bosses asked me if I cared for a banana this morning. Now, granted, I was not wearing my makeup. Did he offer it to me because: 1) I�m scary without my makeup and thus strangely apelike, 2) he was hitting on me because he likes monkeys, pervert! or 3) he was being nice or 4)he was trying to tell me something about my mental state. I don�t know. But I took the banana from his outstretched hand and now it ripens on my desk saying, �Eat me�. I like bananas. I will have a treat after lunch today.
It�s Friday! Yeah, Friday. I�m almost done with the workweek. Yay. I�m broke. Isn�t that great? I wish I could learn to make money last two weeks.
I got a letter from my brother Joey yesterday. Oh my god. My brothers are cute! This is the 2nd one I�ve seen a picture of (but I haven�t met him yet, I only met Ronnie) and he is a sexy beast! Yeah, baby Yeah!
I don�t think there are any ugly folks in my family. Especially my brothers. Both that I have met so far are gorgeous hillbillies, 5�6 or 5�8 at the most, slim but muscular build, spiky brown hair, both have goatees, both with big brown eyes, with that telltale twinkle in their eyes that denote major intelligence.
Joey was born October 13, 1979, which is five years and a day after me. We have a lot in common. He mentioned in his letter that he has a son named Gabe, which is strange because my daughter�s middle name is Gabriella. Oh, and he mentioned that his wife, who�s name is Melissa too, has told him many times that he�s gullible.
Um, hi, I think we�re twins! Me too, Ms. Gullible here. He has some of the same facial features, namely, our Mr. Ed teeth. Well, I�m exaggerating, but we do have nice big teeth. They�re pretty, not cartoony. Oh, and he sent me a picture of him laughing, and it seems our eyes do the same thing when we laugh; they get all squinty, like we�re looking right at the sun.
Ah yes, anyway, we have a lot in common. I�ll probably write him back today. I have to say the best thing about last year was finding my Dad and his family. They have been wonderful to Renee and me. I�ve warmed up to them a lot, but Renee is rather stubborn for a woman of 26 tender years, and it will probably take her some time to come around to them. She is at a difficult place in her life right now and probably doesn�t have the capacity to bring anyone into her circle right now. I�ve been there. No matter how much you want to reach out, you can�t. You�re exhausted and just concerned with making it through each day.
Yippee! I have a personality again. I�ve only been on the Prozac for two days and I�m finding that yes, even though I�m tired, I do give a crap! I care about people�s feelings (even if I don�t like them), I care about good conversation and I care enough to call you back right away instead of a week later.
There is hope for me yet.
I�m still having issues with Jackie�s teacher. Lately, about twice a week, I�ve been seeing these snarky comments on Jackie�s homework pages �hard time sitting still�, �fidgety�, �hard time focusing�. Well, Gee lady, I�m no teacher but when kids that age have been cooped up for a month and it�s too cold to go outside and play, don�t ya think they start to go stir crazy?
The feeling I�ve been getting is that Jackie is the ONLY fidgety first grader in the entire elementary school. Shame on me because I don�t beat my child for having a hard time paying attention! It must be that my parenting is lacking in some area if my daughter has a hard time sitting still!
I don�t like her. I think she�s rude and nitpicky. I�ve told her time and time again that Jackie is on medication for asthma that causes her to be a little fidgety. But if she�s not distracting anyone else then by all means let her do whatever she�s doing. She can�t help it you, you, not NICE person! OOOH! I can�t stand this lady, and yet, I have to button my lip and smile serenely when I stress to Jackie how important it is to focus and pay attention to the teacher. Only a few more months, and she�ll be done with Ms. Persnickety. I can�t wait!
I found an incredible diary today. This woman has suffered the worst a mother could ever suffer. I�m not good at linking but please take a look at erlenweg6.
I cried when I read about the loss of her son Nolan. I couldn�t believe how strong she was, even in the worst of times. I have a new hero.
My purse smells funny. (sniffs purse) Oh, yeah, that�s maybe because I put a bacon cheeseburger in it this morning. I knew I might get hungry sometime this morning. Jack in the Box makes good bacon cheeseburgers, and they�re only 99 cents, which is good when you ex-husband is TWO WEEKS LATE on his child support again. I�m sick of waiting for that money. It�s due on the first, monkey boy. You�ll get yours, boyfriend!
13:20 - Friday, Jan. 16, 2004
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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