Thank God I�m not depressed anymore. Last week was real crappy for me.
Cinders came down and got Jackie on Friday. Ignoring that little suspicion in me, I went out for dinner at Bob Evans with her and Jackie. She treated.
Great, I really feel like crap now.
We didn�t talk a lot, but there wasn�t any tension either. My medicine quite often makes me a bit dopey and tired, and talking is embarrassing sometimes because I can�t collect my thoughts or put things into words well. It�s a Herculean effort to carry on an intelligent conversation when I�m tired. However, she ignored that. How nice of her.
After dinner we went back home. I admitted to mom that I hadn�t had time to check what Jackie packed in her little suitcase, so she opened it up and went over the contents with Jackie. Jackie did well. She only needed to pack another outfit.
Jackie cried a little when they got ready to leave. I can�t help but get a lump in my throat too when she�s feeling sad. I stifled that too and told her, �You�re going to have a great time with Grandma. You�ll have a blast! You know I�ll see you on Sunday. Don�t you remember that I get on your nerves sometimes? Don�t you want a break from me? � To that she nodded no, that she didn�t need a break from me. She�s in the backseat bundled up like the Michelin man. Her lower lip is trembling and her eyes are watering beneath her hot pink winter hat.
I feel so bad for wanting her to go anyway. I leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on her little cheek. I held her head next to mine so that I could leave my lips on her little cheek for a second so that she could feel that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to pass that calm to her. After a few minutes, she stopped sniffling and even smiled a little.
We said goodbye and they drove off slowly. Immediately Jackie turns around as much as she could and waved to me. I waved back until she couldn�t see me anymore because I know that�s important to kids.
From what I hear, Jackie started feeling better when they were getting on the highway.
Well, tonight I had laundry to do, but I promised Jackie that she could call me when she got to Grandma�s. So, I just plopped down on the couch to watch �Joan of Arcadia� and waited.
Eventually, they got to my Ma�s house in Florissant and called.
After they called, I sorted the laundry and got ready to go to the nice place over on Mackenzie. It�s open 24 hours. I took a Vivarin because it was almost 8 because by that time my medicine is really working on me. Laundry was done in peace. There was a kind of creepy guy in there, but I ignored him.
Saturday, I got up and drove out to my Grandma�s house to clean it. On the way, I just had to drive through the alley to look at the house. You know, the one where the attack happened. It was really quiet. I guess I'm trying to confront this fear, this memory.
Grandma's house is only a minute or so away. It takes her a long time to answer the door this morning, and I'm freezing my butt off standing outside in this horrible neighborhood.
Finally, after my fifth knock, she answers the door. She's happy to see me, and so are her yappy dogs.
We talk over the week�s events over Jack in the Box breakfast sandwiches. Then I get to work on cleaning.
I leave her house with 3 bags to donate to the poor. I really don�t mind it, but every once in a while I get mad that folks seem to think I�m the one stop shop for shoving your donations onto someone else so you don�t have to make a trip. Grandma is elderly, I don�t mind it. But other folks, you know who you are..give me a lot of crap they wouldn�t give their own mother.
Not you Salsalita. I love your magazines.
After leaving Grandma's, I drove down that alley again. I couldn't help it, I cried. Just five feet from my car door is the building. Knowing what happened on the other side of the brick wall still kills me. I took one last look at the old, ugly, abandoned boarded up building, and drove away. I don't know if I'll ever NOT be affected by the sight of that house. Part of me wonders if it's haunted by what happened. I've heard that people, over the years, wouldn't live there for long because something was very wrong there.
Oh, I forgot. After I got home from Grandma�s, I remembered I was supposed to pick up gerbil and rat food. Drat.
I took one look at the cage with the 5 babies (3 months old) and I knew I couldn�t spend another day with all these dang animals that keep procreating. I didn�t have enough cages, and as it is, the 10-gallon tank the babies and Oreo was in was getting to be too small since they were getting so big. God knew when they�d all be doing the humpty hump and we�d all be in a mess.
I decided we�d definitely keep the following gerbils since they were two to a cage already: Iggy, Rene�, Saturday, Blizzard, and Krystal and two females. Of course we�re keeping our two ratties: Chedda and Cheesy. Fred the hamster is in a cage by himself and we love him, so he�s staying.
I just had to get rid of the five babies and the father: Oreo. I went to Petsmart first, because they seem to be cleaner and more humane than Petco. No dice. The corporate folks wouldn�t allow it.
Then I went to Petsmart, since they got me into the procreational mess anyway by selling me two males and a female instead of 3 males.
No dice. They didn�t have any room.
I was desperate. So, something told me to try the new small pet store over by Kmart.
The guy was the owner (yay), who didn�t have any gerbils and needed some (yay) and told me he�d be glad to take them. So, I went out to the car and got the cage. I felt bad, but I cannot care for 5 animals that may or may not procreate and make 8-9 babies each.
After we took the gerbils and put them into their new tank, I noticed an adorable bald rat in a cage by himself. He became mine. I named him Archibald, and we will call him �Archie� for short. He�s in the cage now that the five babies and Oreo used to be in and is very content to sleep all day. Archie is a quiet rat. He doesn�t climb all over the cage like the female rats.
He is not mating with Chedda or Cheesy. There will be no baby making in my house.
Saturday night Lisa first took me shopping and got me a cute new top. Then she took me out to Woody�s, a neighborhood bar that we frequent. I had a really good time socializing and watching people dance. However, I never did dance. I didn�t feel the urge. I guess my medicine has influenced that part of me in some way. I just end up staring at people dancing instead of doing it too.
Even if I didn�t dance, I got to go out and talk to ADULTS, which is just what I needed.
Sunday, I got up feeling a bit hung over but otherwise okay. I took a long drive out to Florissant to get Jackie.
When we got back home I introduced Jackie to the new rat. He let her pet him; he�s pretty mellow like that.
Then Ms. Sandy, our apartment manager, called to see if we could come help her hang her curtains. While there I found out that our apartment complex is going to allow cats and dogs, yay! We talked about getting a small dog, less than 25 pounds. I�d feel bad about leaving it for the weekend, so I guess I�m going to have to decide to either take it to Kansas City, or leave it for the weekend in St. Louis (asking Ms. Iris to watch it). I don�t know.
All in all, it was a great weekend. Little by little, I�m getting in the Christmas mood.
12:35 - Monday, Dec. 08, 2003
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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