A lot of things on my mind today. So, here, I spew.
Bana wasn�t home when her kid got off the school bus. That skank. She doesn�t work but she has lots of time to entertain male guests. Two at a time. This ain�t Noah�s ark, honey.
Someone called the police on her. I was happy. Her daughter deserves a mom who thinks of her feelings and welfare. What kind of parent puts a man before her child? A dipstick, that�s who.
Yesterday afternoon, I called Mr. Sweatpants, expecting him to sound like he�s finally recuperated after a week of being really ill with some flu-like business.
Instead, a frog answered the phone. Or it least it sounded like one when it answered his phone.
Mr. Sweatpants hates the doctor. This I understand, because I have phobias too, specifically tied to the medical profession. However, when you�ve been miserable for a week, it�s time to stop being a titty.
I called him back saying, �You don�t have a choice, I�m coming to get you,� to which he did not protest. But I saved the bomb for when he was already in my car. �I know you like that ghetto hospital Alexian Brothers because you�ve been going there since Jimmy Carter was president. However, it�s not a nice hospital anymore. You can go in there with your bleeding arm hanging off by a tendon and you�d still wait six and a half hours. We are going to St. Anthony�s.�
Well, turns out Mondays are a really bad hospital day because hung over and otherwise exhausted folks are too busy being spacey to drive. And they get in accidents or hurt themselves.
Poor shivering, headachy, tired Rene� and I sat in the waiting room from 5:30 p.m. until 11:00 p.m. He finally saw a doctor at 11:30 and we were out by twelve midnight. Rene� has a really bad virus, poor child. All his tests came back negative.
I picked Jackie up from Ms. Iris house and got her dressed for bed. Then, I got Mr. Sweatpants settled. And then I slept.
Mr. Sweatpants woke up full of plans since he was feeling a little bit better. But I know you must conserve your energy when ill.
�Slow down, cowboy. You are going to be feeling like crap real quick if you�re up running around.�
I went in late to work today. I had called last night and told them I wasn�t coming in, but then I remembered I�d promised a client that I�d be up to move his PC today. It was one of those hot jobs that needed to be done ASAP.
God bless my other boss, who transferred the job to another guy when he heard I wasn�t coming in. I can relax for a little bit now. I have a lot of work to do, but my mind is elsewhere.
Now I sit, it is quiet. Though there�s nothing really bad going on, I am feeling unsettled about something. It feels kind of silly to talk about it, but it is bothering me.
When I love people, I won�t let them go without a fight. When I sense them pulling away�I get upset too.
Lisa is pulling away from me. She is changing a little. Change isn�t bad. I think she�s trying to figure out where she stands with everything. However, darling ,my feelings are a little hurt.
It started on my birthday weekend. I was upset because I had plans with Doug and Lisa that Saturday night to go to the Casino. When we finally spoke, I understood that Doug didn�t feel well enough to go out and they didn�t really have the money to go to the Casino.
Well, okay, I guess I�ll find something to do.
Then on Monday Lisa told me they went to the movies with her brother. I admit, I was kind of pissed about that. I mean, do what you want. But it was my birthday, and I thought that we were going to spend it together. You cancel on me, and then go out with someone else. The night we celebrate my birthday!
If Doug were sick, I would�ve understood not doing anything together. However, you went to the movies.
You ought to be able to read me by now that I was excited. I love birthdays. Mine or anyone else�s! Lisa, do you remember your birthday? It was a big deal to me that you�re one year older.
I didn�t want you to think I forgot about you. You were crying that day because your ex-husband is a monkey lover. He�s a pig. And I tried to make the day happy for you.
That Saturday we had plans, Rene� was sick, with the flu. I was sort of mad at him, until I went to take him something to eat and saw that he was as pale as the moon. He really was sick. Doug was sick too. I know that for sure now. But you bailed on me to go to the movies. That hurt my feelings.
Why can�t I tell you this? You�ve got a lot on your mind. So I must write it in my journal.
Then, to add insult to injury, I had to practically beg you to come over to my house that weekend. I miss you, YOU MORON. Where did my friend go? You�re not going to flake out on me, are you? You are not a true blonde Lisa M., so you�d better not start acting like one either.
That Saturday, I spent my first Jackie free night in 3 months, driving around trying to find someone to hang with. I was so lonely.
I mean, Lisa, you have Doug so I guess maybe you�ve forgotten how lonely it is to be single. My friends are my life. Lisa, you are a constant light in my life and I truly love you.
Maybe you take that for granted now. Maybe I�m just disposable now that you are a married woman. Sorry, that was harsh.
Of course, my insecurity could just be talking here. Maybe you are having Drama at home. I read that in your journal. But don�t forget about the rest of us. You told me yourself that you should reach out when you are having hard time.
A phone call would be nice�but, I guess I�ll be busy too.
Here�s a nice story: I have a friend who I love, Salsalita. I adore her Rufus too. I want the best for them and I believe they belong together.
I do not doubt their union. I doubt myself I guess. Seems I remember times when I lost my friends to their marriages and I�m feeling a bit jealous and insecure that it�s gonna happen again. I said it. It being the truth.
I�d love to have someone to share my life with, but seems I can�t find someone willing. And I�m not up for going desperado looking for
Mr. Right such as online dating or phone chat lines. I don�t believe that�s a dignified way to meet someone. I�m not going to date just anybody.
I�ve done it for years now, being odd man out. Since I was single, I wasn�t up for double dates, couple things. I was just a third wheel. I feel like a friggin giant third wheel now.
I worry Lisa is going to be too busy doing couple things to spend time with me anymore. Don�t isolate yourself within your marriage. It�s not a good thing to do. Have a life outside of it too, to keep things fresh.
This is so silly, but I admit I wonder. It�s not your fault I guess. I just haven�t heard from you a lot lately..and I have been calling. �Maybe that�s because she�s getting used to married life,� I tell myself. I mean, it�s a different man this time. �She�s more mature, more happy and together.�
A few of my friends changed a little too after they were married. You must understand this.
One, for the worst. She was Heather, my friend from boot camp. We were this close, until she got married.
She no longer trusted any of her single friends around her husband. I was no longer invited to her family functions either. It was very hurtful.
Of course after she got married, it was like something was wrong with me because I wasn�t out pursuing husband. Her marriage was something she felt she had on me. I didn�t know her anymore.
She was now a married woman and must behave as such! There must be something wrong with me that I wasn�t fielding proposal after proposal. Then, I sort of became a pity project. Feel sorry for Missy, so do things for her that obviously are done out of pity.
Don�t ever do that to me, or you really will insult me. Just stay my friend, will ya?
We are going to get mad at each other, but I haven�t been able to get you on the phone so I could tell you what I was feeling. I�m sorry you had to read about it here.
11:52 a.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 21, 2003
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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