Some buttlicker sent me the sobig virus. Thanks. By the way, I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. I open up my email (work) this morning and I get all these notices about rejected email that I sent. So I start looking at them and don�t even recognize the addresses. Then I got an email from a website I�ve never been to telling me they detected a virus and to please run my anti-virus. Grrr. That�s what I want to see after a long weekend, you know, ten imaginary unsent messages.
Well, unlike most times when I haven�t had a life, I did a lot this weekend.
Friday night, Jackie and I did errands. I won�t bore you with them. However, a gerbil got its head stuck and I had to use my power screwdriver to get its head out. It took a half an hour and I thought the poor thing was gonna die.
Saturday, we cleaned house and we watched a lot of movies.
Sunday dawns. I call Grandma and tell her I�ll be by Monday with Nicole. She�s pretty happy with that so she doesn�t protest.
Then Rene� called me. He asked what the plans were, and we decided to take Jackie to the St. Louis Zoo, which happens to be free to get into. Yippee. Since it felt pretty cool outside, we decide she probably won�t have any breathing difficulty.
Boy, did I lie to myself. It was pretty cool, because it was sprinkling. Only, when you walked for about 3 minutes, it was pretty hot. The humidity was high. I was on a mission too, to take Jackie to all the exhibits. What was I smoking?
First we went to the petting zoo. The goats seemed like they�d be fun, so we hiked down to the little goat exhibit. It was pretty cool; Jackie got to brush them. The little goats would run up to you for attention, so I�d scratch them right by their horns. They were in heaven. Oh, but then the sun came out. Oh, my neck was on fire. So, we got out of there and went to the Lorikeet exhibit. I though Lorikeets were like finches, but they�re actually pretty big. I bought a couple of cups of nectar for a dollar, and we went into the little enclosure. The zookeeper showed us how to hold the cups so that the birds would perch on our hands and drink from the cup.
I was pretty lucky but Jackie got pissed when she couldn�t get the birds to come down to her, so she went to pout. Finally, after feeding the birds for about ten minutes, we decided to go eat. I was worried about Jackie because she was sporting red cheeks. When she does that, it means she needs to get inside and cooled off. We started to head to the cafeteria, and it started to pour. Rene� and I felt that we should enjoy the rain so we took our time getting there.
Jackie�s always wanted to have her face painted, so I let her get a ladybug painted on her cheek. The painting was done by a nice young college student, obviously sort of bored. She told Jackie, when asked, that she was probably going to be a veterinarian.
Jackie�s hungry. The zoo, God love it, hires some of the slowest people in St. Louis to work the cafeteria. Thank God for the Giant penguin running around amusing the kids because I think jack would�ve gotten really bored in the 25 minutes it took for Rene� to get our food. What really sucks is that he was the 2nd person in that line.
Rene� had chicken strips, I had a cheeseburger and fries and Jackie had chicken fingers and fries. That must�ve been one anorexic chicken, because those chicken fingers were about as big as my pinky and there were 3 of them. Rene�s total was for all of our food was $22.00, For some small drinks and anorexic chicken.
When we left the cafeteria we decided to go to the Penguin�s and Puffins exhibit. On the way we passed the bears and prairie dogs. That was cool. But we get to the Penguin�s exhibit and there�s an hour wait to get in. The hell with that!
Jackie tells me that she doesn�t think her face painting is staying on. Indeed, I take a look, and it seems like the ladybug has made contact with someone�s windshield. Looks splatted!
I felt bad, because she just got it and because of the heat and humidity it�s melting off her face. She doesn�t seem to care too much though.
We decide to visit the seals. Those are my absolute favorite animal, so I can watch them all day. Jackie ran to the fence to watch them play while Rene� and I sat down and charted our next move.
We decide to ride the train, but differ on whether to get off at different exhibits. Usually we would disembark to look around; I was worried about Jackie�s breathing because of the humidity. In the end, we think we�ll make a choice after we ride a while.
Anybody been to the St. Louis Zoo in a while? Is it me or do you pay four bucks to see a whole lot of nothin� when you ride the train?
I saw a lot of grass, tall grass, trees, the parking lot, the new habitat for the lions, oh, and a tiger. That�s what I saw.
Ooh, yeah. It was nice to rest though.
All of the sudden, Jackie is doing the pee-pee dance. And she drops her ticket somewhere along the way. So we have to go back to our original station to get off or we�ll be hiking five miles to get back to the entrance where the car is.
She�s mad, but I make her wait to get off the train. We find a bathroom; she seemed relieved.
It�s time to head out because we�ve squeezed all the enjoyment out of four hours in an outside sauna that we could.
Forest Park is really a beautiful park. I told Rene� as we left the parking lot that I hope they never tear anything down. There�s really a lot to do; bike trails, a lake, the Jewel Box (tropical plants), the Zoo, the Art Museum. We took our time leaving the park and Jackie ended up falling asleep.
When we got back, Nicole and Cory (her sweetheart) arrived from Tennessee. She also brought her 9-week-old chow puppy that proceeded to poo and pee on my carpet. It took the dog, Grace, about 10 minutes to feel comfortable enough to relieve herself on my carpet. I was pissed, because I just steam-cleaned these floors not even a week ago.
But, I bit my tongue and Nicole cleaned it up. I was ready to forgive the cute and cuddly doggie for her transgression. That is, until I took her outside to poo. She thought it would be really fun to roll around in my flower garden, and without warning she sat her big fat caboose down on my most beautiful white mums. I almost cried. She broke them. My low maintenance white mum, dead. I was sick.
We went out for dinner to O�Charlie�s. O�Charlie�s is pretty good. Even Jackie was really good. Her head didn�t even spin around on her shoulders so I was proud because she didn�t embarrass me once.
I found out during dinner that Nicole had met a guy with some guts! She�s 22, he�s 29. He wasn�t afraid to speak his mind. Sigh. I also found out he was Baptist and I was elated! As long as he�s not Mormon or Pentecostal, I�m cool. I think Nicole has been submerged in that Apostolic crap for so long that sometimes she doesn�t recognize reality. She has lived a pretty sheltered existence. I mean, once she picked up a hitchhiker on an isolated road at 2 in the morning.
She said, when I reamed her out for it, that God would take care of her.
I said, �Nicole, god takes care of those who take care of themselves. You got a brain! If you jumped off a building you wouldn�t expect him to save you, would you? I mean, you�re the moron who jumped off the building..�she just stared at me when I told her she had to be careful about people around here.
Moving on, Nicole likes movies but almost everything I had was crude or violent. So sue me. We finally decided on �The Wedding Singer� because it was funny without being crude.
Instead, my dad and my step-mom called. I knew that they would be going to Tennessee because my dad�s brother died. It was a brother I�d never met, so I decided to stay home. Who wants to be all fake anyway? I�d feel like a real jerk saying sorry for it.
Dad said, �Hey, Lis, ayuh, we wanted to stop by for a while,� which I knew to mean, �We want to sleep over� so I said, Yeah, Dad, we can put out the fold out couch for you and the wifey.
I went out to smoke a cigarette. That�s when I asked Nicole and her honey if they are sleeping together or apart, so I know how many bed linens to pull out. When she said they were sleeping together, I almost fell out of my chair, because Nicole used to follow all those Pentecostal dating rules such as no kissing or bodily contact. Whooo! Girlfriend found her a man! Inwardly smiling, I said, okay, and went to get their pillows and blankets. You can sleep with someone without doing the nasty. I�ve done that lots of times (sleeping with a person). Why�s it all gotta be about sex anyway?
We were watching �the wedding singer� when my dad showed up, country as ever. He always looks like he should be ropin a steer, singing country songs or singing with Zztop. He�s just a country man/biker. We talk for a while, but by now I�m really tired, so I go inside.
Monday Morning, I go clean Grandma�s house. I waited, like, ten years for Nicole and Cory, who were supposed to be coming over to Grandma�s but I got tired of waiting and left.
When I got home, a huge-ass pile of laundry greeted me and I knew I couldn�t put if off one more day. Time to do the friggin laundry, I griped, as I dragged the bucket to the car. I hate laundry day.
By the way, I think that preacher is stalking me. I went to do my laundry on Monday, feeling pretty happy because I just knew I wouldn�t run into him that day. I�m taking my time throwing my laundry into the dryers, shaking the clothes out and making sure they weren�t inside out.
I�m on my third of five loads when I look up and he�s there. Oh, now I cannot get out of there fast enough. I almost run to the washers, grab the other two loads and toss them in the dryers.
I�m really starting to think this guy is stalking me. The first time I meet him, it�s a Sunday at 11:30 a.m. We have it out.
The very next week I go on a Saturday at 1:00 p.m. He shows up.
This time, I go on a Monday at 1:30 p.m., and he shows up. What are the chances that someone will show up when you are only at a place for an hour and a half? And on different weekend days? This is really starting to creep me out!
OH, but then he starts the preacher talk and I�m feeling the urge to vomit.
As I got the last load out, he happened to just be standing right in front of the washer, so I had to speak to him and ask him to move.
He moves as I request, and then he leans over and says, �We had a really nice outpouring of the Holy Ghost Friday night.� Oh, this is making me sick. Something about what he said felt very wrong. I mumble, �How nice for you,� and take the last load to the dryer. I just toss them in all together and shove 25 cents into the slot.
This freak is trying to �CONVERT� me. He sees a woman who wears pants (gasp), makeup (oh lawdy) and smokes (oh lord, save her soul). He felt very free three weeks ago to say �I saw you on the news about a month ago� and then felt very free to say, �That�s that devil in you that wants to talk about him.� I look at him and tell him not to presume to tell me what I am and what I should be doing. In fact, I was very offended that Mr. White Bread felt free to judge me. I mean, I was hurt.
I won�t go into that whole conversation again, but I will say that because of that pow-wow, I�ve been pretty reluctant to be around him ever again. And there�s no doubt in my mind that he�s in one of those cult-like churches that will make him agonize over not �winning a soul�. I don�t want him to agonize but I do want him to leave me the hell alone. And now I have to contemplate finding another laundry place; and dangit, I like that one. It�s 1.75 to wash, but it�s a front loading washer with lots of options and they get your clothes really clean. Crap.
I�m going to go one last time: next Friday night and I hope for his sake he doesn�t show up there.
We got our movies yesterday. Goonies, Drop Dead Fred, Willy Wonka, Stigmata and Too Wong Foo. I love movies.
11:08 a.m. - 2003-09-03
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
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