TV sucks butt lately. Has it totally gone to the dogs? Seems lately that all people want to do is marry strangers and embarrass people for practically no money.
There was nothing on last night but Law and Order shows, good enough, which I would gladly watch over some of the other crap. I used to dig reality TV, but the Networks are sucking it dry. The horse is dead, so quit beating it. Boring. Plus, the crappy blurry picture on my RCA didn�t help.
Last night was okay. I did some tidying up and then decided to clean the gerbil cages. They were all happy to get out and I was done it no time. Fred, the psycho hamster, didn�t even try to bite me when I took him out of his cage, so my four-ply work gloves were unnecessary. Maybe he is getting used to me. I made kissy faces at him, and his little black eyes only looked vaguely murderous.
Inspired, I went and dragged that remaining 50 pound bag of mulch out of my trunk and spread it in the rest of the garden area. I didn't want my trunk to smell like mulch. Oh my God, I thought I was gonna end up with a hernia, that crap was heavy. It looks very sculptured now.
I'm so easily entertained. I hooked up the Miracle-Gro feeder to the house and as I watered the plants I marveled at how big the new blooms were. The commercials really don�t lie. I filled up the bird feeder too. It makes me flush with pride that I take such good care of my plants and animals. Call me, �Earth Mother�.
S, the apartment manager, called to let me know she went to get her nail�s done and asked for my guy. She thanked me for referring him and promised she would stay with him. He did a superb job and was so gentle. I told her I�d come down later to look at them and water her plants. Unfortunately, thanks to my short attention span, I forgot.
My phone rang a lot. My niece Melody called me. Poor kid is 22 and having flashbacks. She tried to tell people she was being abused, and she got blamed and other times, people were in denial because they didn't want to take responsibility for not helping her. Seems to me, and call me crazy, there is an epidemic proportion of mental illness (including suicide), poverty and about any abuse you can think of in my mother�s family and nobody talks about it. People have told me in the past the "it's the past, get it out of your head", and I thought about saying, "Oh, and it worked for you so I should take your advice right? Not!"
When Mel called, I had a feeling, by the somber, sad, tone of her voice, that she needed to get something out, so I let her talk. We talked about the fact that people we know continue to ignore their past, hoping it will just go away. Mel and I have figured out, in fact, that ignoring it doesn�t work and you have to get it out somehow. Being angry helps and so does being assertive. Not letting people walk all over gives you power, unless you're too much into that, and then you become selfish. Therapy, journal-writing, talking, art, and music all help you heal. You have to find someone who is there to listen, not judge and support you.
It�s sad to remember on my own that most people don�t believe you when you ask for help. That hurt me badly. Mel has gone through it too.
I talked with Melody about my book and mentioned that I�d like to get family members to write in 5000 words or less their memories and impressions of our family. We both know that we up against some major denial and are probably the only ones that will talk about the abuse. She told me she was behind me 100% on the book and if she could help in any way, she was there.
I saw Mr. National Security today. He asked me if I was free during the week because we were having such a hard time meeting up on the weekend. "Of course," I said. We talked about other things, pg rated of course, but I won�t mention them here for fear I will seem to be a Jezebel. I�m not.
N. was just looking fine this morning and I told him so. He blushed. I find that very funny; I'm awful. I'm becoming a little brazen, but if I don't keep my flirting skills sharp, they'll get all rusty. I won't even get picked up in the rapture.
8:19 a.m. - 2003-06-05
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
bluemeany
idontpretend
whinerwoman
flicka
kungfukitten
awittykitty
artofliving
thegrapevine
trancejen
chicagojo
ingridwrites
bettyford
myexodus
janie12975
vickithecute
drahmaqueen
ruachadonai
bipolarchild
thedetails
irisheyes70
sunshine0221
sallydallydo
allykitty5
dragprincess
tuckandsophi
taken-by-you
pajamamama
soulstyce
biodtl
thedevlyn
erianne1
jackprague78
r-y-r
nimiiwin
wifemotherme
boxx9000
poolagirl
marlen816
wilberteets
mom-on-roof
mpeacock
arianstar
thecrankyone
kayemess
amblus