Is it ignorant to be honest about your feelings? I mean, does anyone like to guess how somebody is feeling? Isn't it a lot less work if they just tell you?
I try to be truthful, mostly because I don't have enough attention span to keep track of any fibs. I'm not that good.
Maybe my blatant honesty has earned me some enemies in my own family.
Seems like people are not happy with me at all.
I miss Leavenworth.
I'm sad my dad has been sick lately and I miss talking to someone just as crazy as me. I've been having weird dreams about him lately; I hope that's not an ominous thing.
No cable tv. I'm dying.
Still no Mother's Day cards from those I sent one to. Sometimes things are late and we don't expect them to be but better late than never.
I mean, usually I have Jackie with me so the lack of cardage in my mailbox wouldn't be so obvious. But it's a hard Mother's Day for me and people knew and didn't even send me any little doodling or anything. So, I did the only thing I know how, and that's do kind things for others.
I'm bitchy and I have PMS. I'm always trying to be kind and thoughtful but maybe I'm not concentrating it enough on those who deserve it.
At least it's not Monday. I felt like dog crap yesterday. No more Unisom. It certainly didn't gently edge me into sleep (more like an anvil dropped on my head) and I didn't wake refreshed (no, I felt like I had a tequila hangover).
I think I neglected to mention that people don't seem to think sleep apnea is a real disorder. Nope, I made it up in my head, I guess, according to some people I know who will forever think I'm just lazy and not tired. Nope, I just stop breathing and come to semi-wakefullness at least 16 times an hour all night long but that's not what's sapping my energy. Yes, I like resembling the happy buddha and having energy of a 90 year old lady.
You know by Friday every week I'm plain exhausted. Now, I can muster up energy to go out and have a blast if I have made plans. If I haven't I sit on the couch and watch movies, and sometimes go out an water my plants. But that's it. No full calendar on Friday nights for me. I don't ever want to be that popular.
Friday night I had built up about a five day sleep deficit and I ended up being a little depressed and Rene' had to convince me to go rent movies. I wanted to cry, I was sleepy, I was exasperated with the progress of my sleep studies, I was mad at my lack of energy to live a life.
So, Friday night we watched Schindler's List. That was so awesomely done. I watched it again last night because there is always something you miss the first time you see a movie. I wrote about the first time yesterday.
Well, I had went to bed at 1:30 in the morning, as soon as it was over and the only reason I woke up the next day at 12:30 a.m was because hail was hitting my window.
Then of course I had to prepare for the day, basically I ended up steam cleaning the carpets and cleaning the animals cages. I did some other housework. And I was done.
Sunday, I get up early, go clean Grandma's house (no small feat since I do in two hours there what I'd do in a whole day at my place), come home, go do laundry, and then go out with Rene' since it was Mother's Day after all, for dinner.
Now, over a week ago I sent out 9 Mother's Day cards. Everyone got theirs early so everyone knew I didn't forget it. Lisa was the only one that got me a card. I got calls from my sis Mindy and my niece Mel. No one else in my family (my mom's side) could be bothered. And next year of course I'll be sending them to my dad's side (since I know they love me) and Debbie (since she's really cool, I love ya girl!) but I just didn't think about it this year.
I finally call my mom (adopted mom)to chat about mom's day and to tell her I got her something cool and that I'd get it to her asap. You know what? She seemed mad that I didn't go out to her place that day. She was cold and disinterested and even when I talked to her about the crap going on with Shayne she sounded like she couldn't give a shit.
Hello, it takes me 45 minutes to get to your house and hell, why doesn't anyone come out to my place? Everyone acts like I live in Brooklyn New York instead of St. Louis. I don't live in the hood, it's a good neighborhood.
Hell, they all live in Old People's Land, Florissant, and I never complained about visiting. I live in a densely populated residential and shopping area but yet they never come out to my place. I'm sick to death of trying to please all my God-forsaken relatives. Come see me. Unless you're Grandma, in which I'll still come to you, Grams.
I'm tired dammit. Can't you see that? No sympathy at all, everyone's still high maintenence. Just makes me want to move to Kansas that much quicker. I'm tired of the drama, Mary.
10:55 a.m. - 2003-05-13
Recent entries:
What you missed - January 16, 2012
%%older_entries%%From hell - October 19, 2010
%%older_entries%%a rant from a few weeks ago - August 17, 2010
%%older_entries%%Tired - June 20, 2010
%%older_entries%%A beautiful lie - March 11, 2010
%%older_entries%%
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